Hockey, P0wning N3wbs

I predict a riot.

A couple making out during the riots last year. Jealous!

Remember last year when the Vancouver Canucks lost to the Chicago Blackhawks? It was a great moment for my hometown. I don’t even like sports and I thought it was pretty cool that they won. Vancouver, however, reacted differently. No one likes a sore loser, but I guess by now Canadians don’t really mind how they’re received in the media since no one really pays attention to them anyway.

Rioting is so passe’. I feel like the last time I saw a riot was when I watched Beauty and the Beast. I will admit that Gaston was a strong and capable leader, but even as a child I remember thinking, do people really do this?

I guess Canada has a history of rioting–that’s why they were so good at it last year. They know how it’s done. In 1971, there were riots in Vancouver to demonstrate against the support of legalizing marijuana. These were called the Gastown Riots. I don’t know why they were called that, but I’ve learned to stop asking questions and that nothing makes sense here.

Perhaps the most retarded riot in history was in 2008. Montreal Canadiens hockey fans took to the streets to celebrate their big Stanley Cup win against the Boston Bruins. Windows were smashed, police cars were set on fire, etc. Don’t you have to be angry and fed up to riot? Destroying things seems like an okay way to celebrate, but wouldn’t your first reaction be to get a pizza, and not act like a feral animals? I think Canada is the real Planet of the Apes.

Okay I just found another hockey-related riot. In ’94 the Canucks lost to the New York Rangers. Between 50,000 and 75,000 people gathered in Vancouver and looted stores and broke windows. One guy was hit with a rubber bullet and was in a coma for 4 weeks. He probably got so skinny after that. I wish I could be in a coma for 4 weeks. That’s the perfect amount of time. I mean…

There are so many more examples of Canadian riots, but I refuse to write about how Guns and Roses sparked a riot. There’s also another Stanley Cup riot. Why haven’t they deemed the Stanley Cup too dangerous for Canadians to take place in? Imagine if they said Canadian teams couldn’t play in the Stanley Cup. That, my friends, would cause a a series of frenzied events with rabid countrymen. Or all of Canada might spontaneously combust.


28 thoughts on “I predict a riot.

  1. I actually just got out of Philly one night when fans rioted at a Guns N Roses concert. I was across the street another of the stadiums. I always associate rioting with winning. I know Detroit has been doing that for years.

    Canadians are so calm otherwise except when it comes to losing Stanley Cups. They have all that bent up rage. Maybe if they owned more handguns and murdered each other they wouldn’t have these big blow ups.

    • I agree with you on that one. They should have more guns, more freedom. Did you know that they don’t have freedom of speech here? That’s probably where all of their anger comes from!

  2. Lisa says:

    “Gaston was a strong and capable leader.” hahaha!!! I like how that’s a legitimate riot that comes to mind. (didn’t the town’s people seem like a bunch of total idiots? I guess that’s the point you’re making?)
    I could use a rubber bullet right about now. It would be great to spend the next four weeks in a coma. A coma would be the best vacation. No stress, no travel expenses, friends and family probably talk about how great you are cause they’re not sure if you’re gonna die, and MAJOR weight loss, well, need I say more?

    • Haha he was! He even led everyone with a song! How many leaders can pull that off? I didn’t even know that rubber bullets were real until now. But I seriously want some. Maybe for Christmas? S’okay okay?

    • Adair says:

      I, too, would take a rubber bullet in the name if easy weight loss. It’s a shame you can’t buy time in a spa somewhere to be put in a weight loss coma. See how we, as American women moved the focus of your post from the riots to making possible weight loss via coma? I’ve never figured out riots. They require far more energy than I’m willing to give and if you think a passport photo makes you look half dead, I’ve yet to see a mug shot that is attractive. Yes, I’m talking to you, Nick Nolte

      • Totally. Once I saw the words “rubber bullet” and “coma” I knew that I needed one. I don’t know about Nick Nolte, but I know that Paris Hilton makes a brave attempt at a glamorous mug shot. Atta girl!

  3. Pete Howorth says:

    Us English had a riot this year, that was pretty retarded, “A man got shot in London, let’s destroy the country.”

    Did we have rubber bullets and whatnot? No, not until half the shops had been looted and annihilated three days into it =/

    • Yeah I remember that! You don’t even have regular bullets, so why would you have rubber ones? England is definitely the king of unnecessary riots. So intriguing.

  4. Lisa says:

    I, for one, couldn’t understand the riots in England, either. I could maybe understand if they took place in the location where the guy was shot, but they were rioting all over the country!? I think the English are just so repressed that when some injustice happens they all explode.

    • Adair says:

      They never got over losing both the war in 1776 and 1812, so, they take whatever chance they can to vent their spleen. That or there isn’t a Football Match to riot over.

    • I couldn’t really understand those riots either. They were fairly close to me actually and one of the more memorable news items was about an old furniture shop called Reeves Corner that was burnt down – it was quite a famous landmark in the area and I couldn’t believe it when I saw the live pictures of it burning down.

      The gym I go to isn’t too far away from it and I was actually at the gym that same evening. I probably missed everything kicking off by less than an hour.

      • Lisa says:

        That’s sad about the furniture shop. The protesters in New York are now responsible for a family restaurant closing. apparently the city wouldn’t take down the barricades so people couldn’t access the restaurant. I always feel bad for little businesses that are trying hard to stay alive.

    • Adair says:


      P.S. Lily in Canada, your tweets about going home ‘n’ such made me sad. I do hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you will lose those blues when you go home in five days (or less), to enjoy time with your family here.

      P.P.S. T.Hanks? Brilliant and oh, so funny!

      • lol Thanks girl! And don’t worry, I am definitely enjoying my Canadian Christmas times. I’m not too blue, just anxious to go home! Glad you like my tweets! Sometimes I feel like I am the only person that laughs at my jokes.

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