The Song That Never Ends

You know what I do to really depress myself? List all of the things that I’ll have to do for the rest of my life. It can be the most miniscule task, but it will still cause me distress to think about.

Some moms complain about how they’ve made a million school lunches for their kids. Yeah, I’m not talking about stuff like that. School lunches end. You really only have to make them for 5 or 6 years. If your kid is eating a packed lunch in middle school or high school, chances are they have no friends. So shut up about school lunches. Plus, making lunch is awesome. Anything to do with food is great.

Here are some examples of things that I will be doing for the rest of my life:

Bathing. No matter how many times you bathe a week, you will never be clean forever.Β  I know it doesn’t take up much time, and it’s often relaxing, but imagine how much extra time we would have if we didn’t have to ever clean ourselves. Tons of time! We wouldn’t have to invest in soaps or shampoos or blow dryers because we wouldn’t have any need for them. And think about all the water we would be saving! I think I just figured out how to obtain world peace. YOU’RE WELCOME, EARTH.

Cleaning/laundry/dishes/etc. It wasn’t until I lived on my own that I realized cleaning is the worst. I love organizing things. Cleaning on the other hand, not so much. It’s great when you’ve finished cleaning and your house looks spick and span until you realize that you have to do it all again next week. You’ll never escape the cycle of cleaning. You have to do itΒ  FOR-EV-ER. I’ve found a shortcut around not having to do dishes. All you have to do is avoid using them. Good luck with that. Unless your body can sustain itself on chips and soda like mine.

You know those dwarves are gonna mess up the cottage again.

Working out/dieting. This has to be the most depressing. No matter how much you work out and eat healthy, you’ll gain weight if you stop. I wish there was a point where your body was like, “Sweet, I think I got the hang of this. I’ll take it from here.” If you’ve been at a good weight and then gained the pounds back, you know how hard it is to get back to your skinny point. It’s rough. Bodies are dumb.

Buying gas/food/toiletries. This sucks. Unless you’re an extreme coupon-er and have a stock pile of goods in your basement, I’m guessing you’re like me and have to buy this stuff over and over. You couldn’t really stock pile gas though, could you? Well, you could, but you’d have to put it in those weird containers and they freak me out. Gas shouldn’t be portable. It should only come out of gas stations. I know it has to be transported to the gas stations, but it would be more magical if the gas just happened to come out of the ground wherever the stations where. Wtf am I talking about anymore?

A gas station was eventually placed right on top of that spot.

Making money. Someone in your family has to go to work everyday. It might not be you, but there is some way you’ve acquired money. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a sum of money that you eventually made that would be enough? Enough in the sense that you’d never have to work again. I guess this happens to some people. But if that happened to everyone, then we’d all have the same amount of money and it would kind of be like a commune where everyone has the same stuff. Which has always been an attractive way of living in my eyes. Maybe I should move to Russia? I would wear one of those cool hats and learn to do that crazy dance and drink vodka all the time. I probably wouldn’t do any of those things. Unless they included crying myself to sleep every night.

Hopefully everyone wants to kill themselves now.

Lot’s o’ love!


24 thoughts on “The Song That Never Ends

  1. I can’t wait to never use a dryer again. Wait, er never mind.

    The dishes thing is especially hard if you’re a Recycling nerd like I am. Paper and plastic plates are the best, if I want to be a total hypocrite. I have been able to talk the elders into cleaning my dishes though. There has to be something wrong with that, but it feels so right.

    Working out. It’s hard for me to be less fat, not skinny. I think I was four years old the last time I was skinny. Bodies aren’t dumb, they are legally “special”, if you know what I mean.

    I can’t imagine being that person that stock piled toilet paper. I wonder what that cashier thought when they were price matching 84 super packs of Charmin.

    Money…..I can’t wait to be famous.

    • Ohhh yeah I should invest in some paper plates or something! Hahah omg I can’t believe you make them wash your dishes! I’m sure they love that.
      lol the last time I was skinny was probably when I was four as well. They are special, but they’re also dumb. Yet super smart.
      I know! I always think that the cashier is judging my purchases. The time when I bought a plunger was the most embarrassing.
      I never want to be famous.

  2. Ahahaha! Another funny post!!! I sometimes think about my future stomach aches or sore throats cause you know they’re coming. That depresses me but also makes me thankful for being healthy at that very moment. I think you got all the major ones. Your oil paragraph made me laugh — that’s one crazy train of thought. Lol!!

    • Pete Howorth says:

      Lol! Whenever I go out drinking I always think, “I’m going to have a massive head ache in the morning”

      But then I put that down to being Future Pete’s problem and continue enjoying myself.

      So don’t worry aches and sore throats, they’re not your problem, they’re future Lisa’s problem.

    • Thanks! Ohh that’s true! Sickness. So gross. Oil just really gets me offtrack sometimes!

      I like the way you think, Pete. Future Pete’s problem.Do you ever feel bad for future Pete?

  3. Pete Howorth says:

    All you need to do is win the lottery, doesn’t matter which one and you’ll be set for life. Once you have the money all the rest of your problems will go away; because you can pay people to do the rest of the things on your list while you just chill out drinking pina coladas. You can even pay people to come and bathe you! How erotic is that?

    • I can’t even imagine someone bathing me…?! Haha! Someday when I’m old and feeble and no body would want to touch me with a ten foot pole, THEN I’ll be bathed.
      Winning the lottery would be the most amazing thing in the world. All my stress would disappear. Imagine never having to think about money problems. Must be

      • Pete Howorth says:

        On our desert island, sipping fruity drinks πŸ˜€ it’d be ace. It’ll suck being in a retirement home, people my age turning their noses up at me. I respect my elders because they probably fought in a war at some point, but when I’m 80-90, I won’t have fought in a war, only the war on companies that have screwed me over haha

    • Winning the lottery would be awesome! Whoever said money doesn’t doesn’t buy happiness was a liar. Money buys everything.

      I would feel weird if someone bathed me. Like, I feel like I would yell at them that they weren’t doing it right.

      • Pete Howorth says:

        That’s the beauty of it though, you can instruct them how to do it and if they don’t do it right the second time round then you have them killed and buy someone else to do it and repeat the process until someone gets it right!

  4. Addie says:

    You’ve covered the major ones. All I can think of is cleaning out litter boxes. Ew. I won’t let DC go outside, so, I’m stuck with her opinion of the world all contained in a litter box.

    • Litter boxes are super gross. But I like doing that because I feel like I’m helping out my cat. And I’d rather help her out than other people.

  5. Now I’m depressed, Lilly . . . but in a happy way. Oh if only our bodies would get the hang of being in shape no matter what we ate! And never having to bath, boy that would really save some time. It would probably add a couple of years to our lives. So THAT’s what it looks like underneath a gas station. Fascinating! I really enjoy your writing Lily! πŸ˜€

    • Haha I’m glad you like my weirdo writing! That makes me feel good! I like yours too! But yeah, I’m glad I could solve the gas station mystery for everyone! I wish our bodies would get the hang of things by now. Why aren’t scientists working on these important issues?!

  6. At least you only have to buy a bullet once to blow your brains out. After reading this, I kind of feel like it.

    I totally know what you mean about cleaning. But I’m not such a creep where everything needs to be perfectly clean. Liveable and not disgusting. I’m the only one there. What do I care if things are a little messy? Everything is meant to be so filthy too. All those old diseases like lepracy came from people not cleanign themselves. I think I’m a bit far away from lepracy.

    • Haha good point.
      Yeah there are times when I don’t go crazy cleaning. But whenever I feel dust on my feet, I get annoyed. I need to by a rug. Are you sure that you don’t have leprosy? If you do, you realize that you can move to a tropical paradise island full of other lepers. Sounds like fun to me!

    • Yeah…oops! Sorry about that! Just a friendly reminder that you’ll have to do those meaningless tasks for the rest of your existence! πŸ˜€

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