The Song That Never Ends

You know what I do to really depress myself? List all of the things that I’ll have to do for the rest of my life. It can be the most miniscule task, but it will still cause me distress to think about.

Some moms complain about how they’ve made a million school lunches for their kids. Yeah, I’m not talking about stuff like that. School lunches end. You really only have to make them for 5 or 6 years. If your kid is eating a packed lunch in middle school or high school, chances are they have no friends. So shut up about school lunches. Plus, making lunch is awesome. Anything to do with food is great.

Here are some examples of things that I will be doing for the rest of my life:

Bathing. No matter how many times you bathe a week, you will never be clean forever.  I know it doesn’t take up much time, and it’s often relaxing, but imagine how much extra time we would have if we didn’t have to ever clean ourselves. Tons of time! We wouldn’t have to invest in soaps or shampoos or blow dryers because we wouldn’t have any need for them. And think about all the water we would be saving! I think I just figured out how to obtain world peace. YOU’RE WELCOME, EARTH.

Cleaning/laundry/dishes/etc. It wasn’t until I lived on my own that I realized cleaning is the worst. I love organizing things. Cleaning on the other hand, not so much. It’s great when you’ve finished cleaning and your house looks spick and span until you realize that you have to do it all again next week. You’ll never escape the cycle of cleaning. You have to do it  FOR-EV-ER. I’ve found a shortcut around not having to do dishes. All you have to do is avoid using them. Good luck with that. Unless your body can sustain itself on chips and soda like mine.

You know those dwarves are gonna mess up the cottage again.

Working out/dieting. This has to be the most depressing. No matter how much you work out and eat healthy, you’ll gain weight if you stop. I wish there was a point where your body was like, “Sweet, I think I got the hang of this. I’ll take it from here.” If you’ve been at a good weight and then gained the pounds back, you know how hard it is to get back to your skinny point. It’s rough. Bodies are dumb.

Buying gas/food/toiletries. This sucks. Unless you’re an extreme coupon-er and have a stock pile of goods in your basement, I’m guessing you’re like me and have to buy this stuff over and over. You couldn’t really stock pile gas though, could you? Well, you could, but you’d have to put it in those weird containers and they freak me out. Gas shouldn’t be portable. It should only come out of gas stations. I know it has to be transported to the gas stations, but it would be more magical if the gas just happened to come out of the ground wherever the stations where. Wtf am I talking about anymore?

A gas station was eventually placed right on top of that spot.

Making money. Someone in your family has to go to work everyday. It might not be you, but there is some way you’ve acquired money. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a sum of money that you eventually made that would be enough? Enough in the sense that you’d never have to work again. I guess this happens to some people. But if that happened to everyone, then we’d all have the same amount of money and it would kind of be like a commune where everyone has the same stuff. Which has always been an attractive way of living in my eyes. Maybe I should move to Russia? I would wear one of those cool hats and learn to do that crazy dance and drink vodka all the time. I probably wouldn’t do any of those things. Unless they included crying myself to sleep every night.

Hopefully everyone wants to kill themselves now.

Lot’s o’ love!


All You Can Eat Taco Night

Paul and I had been dying to go to this restaurant’s All-You-Can-Eat Taco Night. It’s held every Monday and we finally remembered to go yesterday.

The establishment is called Pluto’s. I think it used to be a gas station once upon a time. Now it’s just a really weird purple building with neon lights. Their tag line is “The hottest food from the coolest planet” or something super clever like that. The food is decent, nothing amazing.

The one and only.

We’d eaten there once before and the record for most tacos devoured was 16. That’s not too bad, but nothing special either. I’m not really one to talk. I ended up only eating 6 tacos in all. But to be fair, I had burritos for lunch so I actually could have had maybe two more, which would have left me at a total of 8. We noticed that there was a new record to beat. Some kid ate 28 tacos. We inquired about him. The waitress said he was a short kid, maybe 20 or 21. He stayed for 3 hours eating tacos. Paul and I kind of felt like that was cheating. 3 hours is a long time. He might have even gone to the bathroom during that time, which would also be cheating in my book.

I really wanted Paul to beat that kid. I know he could have too, but by the time he got to his 20th taco, the restaurant was closed. He didn’t want to keep the waitress and staff there for that long, so we left. If we go back, I’m certain he can break the record. I just want the guy who ate 28 tacos to be really upset. YOUR TACO EATING WAS ALL IN VAIN.

Just to be clear, I had mine without cheese or sour cream because both of those items freak me out.

Have you ever been in an eating competition? How many tacos do you think you could eat? Should Paul go back and try to beat the record?



Store Brand vs. Name Brand

I’m slowly getting used to my husband’s reluctance in purchasing name brand goods. I’ve grown up thinking that no one possibly buys the other no-name brands. They must be there for decoration. Now that I know how money works (it’s only taken me 24 years, guys) I’ve been noticing all the sweet deals you can get when you buy store brand (or poor brand as I like to call it).

Store brand shopping is tricky. I was in the habit of telling myself that if something’s more expensive, it’s probably better quality. This is not always true. But it usually is.

Also, I’m a sucker for good packaging. Store brands have the worst appearance. They just don’t look good. Which would you rather buy?

Just for the record, mayo is disgusting.

This brand really went all-out on their look.

The bottom picture’s brand is actually called No Name. I almost have to laugh at that. But it takes more than that to make me laugh. There’s a warehouse type grocery store here that sells a lot of No Name food. I’ve actually purchased a couple of their items. Their chicken nuggets aren’t bad, but their tortilla chips are. It just depends, I guess. I was really proud of myself for eating cheap chicken nuggets. That was a big step for me. Soon enough my ghetto transformation will be complete.

One of my favorite store brands is from an English grocery store called Sainsbury’s. I have so many good memories there. Sainsbury’s Basic brand knows it’s crap, and it tells you so right on the packaging. Here are some gems:

"A little less tidy, still a great pick." Is it though? Why couldn't you have made it tidier?

That cat looks like he wants to kill himself.

"Still rises to the occasion" is kind of cute, but I still wouldn't purchase this product.

I can’t help it if I like the finer things in life. Food is too important to mess around with. If I’m gonna partake in a calorie fest, it better taste like heaven.

That is all.