canada, Music

Star-Crossed Canadian Lovers

I don’t use the phrase “literally scarier than 9/11”  often, but the lead singer of Nickelback, Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are engaged.

Don’t look for too long–you might turn into stone.

I didn’t even know this duo was dating. Mostly due to the fact that I like to pretend that Chad Kroeger doesn’t exist. Same with Avril’s teeth. Her fangs are crazier than any vampire’s. But I guess vampires are in right now?  Regardless, dating Chad Kroeger is NOT in. Getting engaged to him is social suicide.

This Canadian couple has me wondering if I made a mistake by entering their country of origin. I even called it my home once or twice! Can I take that back? Pretend it never happened?

I’ve heard that if you say the name Chad Kroeger 3 times in your bathroom with the lights turned off, Chad Kroeger actually appears and sings you an entire Nickelback album. Isn’t that horrifying? Like Bloody Mary but way worse.

I’m really depressed for Avril because I think she’s punishing herself. Think about it. She was dating Brody Jenner. And now she’s engaged to someone named Chad. She must have thought that she had to atone for Brody breaking up with her. This way she can serve the rest of her years knowing that she paid the price for letting Brody slip through her fingers.

She could’ve been engaged to this!

Is Chad Kroeger considered a Sk8er Boi? If so, how can we rid the world of all Sk8er Bois? Also, do you think Avril is going to wear a tie with her wedding dress a la her Complicated music video? What a style icon she was. Her taste in men also seems to be very complicated.

If you don’t catch my drift, basically what I’m trying to say is that both Avril and Chad are super gross, and scary. But seriously, I’m almost positive that this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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