EPCOT Escapades

My family went to Orlando, Florida a lot when I was growing up. We also went a lot after I had grown up. My favorite part of the Disney experience was always EPCOT. It was a world showcase right in my own country, what more could I ask for? There was food from around the world, makeup and clothes from different countries, and of course, foreign hotties.

One of my first experiences with an EPCOT employee was when I was maybe 15. I wasn’t exactly a catch at this point in my life. I remember entering the Canadian pavilion and wanting to get some popcorn. In EPCOT they will assure you that popcorn was created in Canada. This bit of info seems wrong. Even my Canadian husband has pointed out that Canadians couldn’t have been the first people to heat up kernels. There’s no way.

At the popcorn stand was a super cute guy named Sean. He was blonde and tall and just my 15-year old type. He looked like Barbie’s Ken. After that, I looked at him from afar and pretty much stalked him for the rest of the trip. Exhilarating.

A couple years down the line I was wandering through the Morocco pavilion when a Moroccan guy, not much older than myself ran up to me. He told me that I was beautiful and wanted to see me again. His name was Amine (pronounced ah-meen) and we became instant lovers. And by lovers I mean that we held hands and walked around a theme park together.

One night we decided to watch the fireworks. I could feel my phone vibrating in my purse but I didn’t want to interrupt this romantic moment we were having. I was basically Jasmine and he was my Aladdin. When I was leaving the park, I called my mom only to find out that she thought I was kidnapped. My brother had been out looking for me and even asked Amine’s manager where he was and when he had last seen him. My mom is basically Liam Neeson.

When is she gonna learn that no one will ever want to take me?

You would’ve thought I’d learned my lesson to answer my phone but I didn’t. Years later a similar scenario happened. I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I grew up in a decade without cell phones. I guess people would’ve just assumed I was dead after every date.

My last and most exciting EPCOT lover was from the UK. On this trip I was with my friend Janna and we had been walking around for a while when we ran into my mom. She told us there was a really cute guy in one of the shops in the English pavilion for Janna. My first thought was, “What about me?!” So we met this guy and talked to him and he invited us to go to a club with him—yes, Disney has clubs. There, we met up with him and his friend Christopher.

Of course Christopher wasn’t as cute as Janna’s guy (I forget his name) but he was funny and I wasn’t picky. We ended up dancing and making out until midnight. I knew I had to be back at midnight because I was basically Cinderella. After that trip I realized that it’s less work to just admire guys from afar at EPCOT.

Especially the guys in the Norwegian pavilion.

100,000 Views!

If you think this post is going to be me bragging about my blog, you’re totally right. But it’s also going to serve as a big THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me get this far in the blogging world. I’m really proud of my blog, it’s like my child. My child that I sometimes get bored with and don’t look at for weeks at a time.

A big thank you to everyone on my blog roll and everyone that follows me. I wouldn’t be here without you, obvs. Thanks for listening to my rants and pretending to laugh at all my bad jokes.

Thanks to mi madre, A Gripping Life for always commenting and encouraging me and telling me that I’m a good writer. Can we all agree that I have the best mom?

Recently, I’ve taken an interest in my blog’s stats. I like to see which countries view my blog the most. I only thought people from Illinois and Canada could relate to my life, but it turns out that people all over the world can! In the past 30 days the top countries that have viewed my blog are:

USA-9,911 viewers (ugh it WOULD end in 9/11. Can we just stop with 9/11?)

UK-2,556

Canada-2,052

Australia-549

Mexico-382

Brazil-376

Germany-368

Netherlands-340

India-229

Italy-221

The list goes on and on. Like, 2 people from Uganda viewed my blog. It could’ve been an accident (I’m guessing the average view is an accident, actually), but I like to think that Ugandans totally understand me and think I’m hilarious.

So thank you USA, for being my home country and supporting me the most. Oh and happy birthday yesterday! Not to be weird, but you’re getting super old!

Thank you United Kingdom for being Canada’s biggest influence and for being so royal and everything. I don’t think a day goes by when I don’t compare myself to Kate Middleton and cry, so thanks for that too.

She knows that she’s perfect and it’s bothering me.

Canada–what a bada** country you are. Thanks for adopting me and loving me and letting me make fun of you. I still haven’t met a beaver or a moose yet, so lets work on that.

G’day Australia! Thanks for supporting my blog. Even though there were more people in my graduating class than viewers from your country, BUT WHATEVS. Hopefully I can return to Sydney and have some shrimp on the barbie. Or maybe just some shrimp in the shape of Barbie?

Muchas gracias Mexico! I actually expected more than 382 views because I recently visited Cancun and I felt like I totally bonded with your country, but I guess not? I’ll try harder next time. And maybe I should learn more Spanish than “Hola”?

Thanks Brazil. I mean, your meager effort in views is alright. I just had high expectations from a country whose population totals 192 million…! That doesn’t seem right. Maybe it does. I watched the movie Rio on an airplane and it wasn’t that good, so I guess we’re even?

The only thing more annoying than a parrot is a parrot with Jesse Eisenberg’s voice.

Danke Germs. To be totally honest I didn’t expect much from you schnitzel-eating lederhosen wearing folks. But I’m impressed! And clearly stereotyping because I know close to nothing about Germany.

Thanks Netherlands. I honestly never think about your country, but you clearly think about me, which is weird. Is this what it’s like to be famous?

Namaste, India.  I went to an Indian buffet like 2 days ago and it was amazing. Thank you for your food and for those bollywood music videos that were on in the background. They made me want to be a slumdog millionaire. Okay, just a millionaire.

Lastly, grazie mille, Italy! Only 221 of you came to my blog, but I’m still impressed. If I lived in Italy I would be jumping off a pizza diving board into a pool of pasta while sipping on my gelato smoothie. I don’t understand why all Italians aren’t doing that 24/7?

My swimming pool. Pure class.

Okay so that was annoying. Consider this the last time I say thank you ever again. Here’s to the next 100,000 views!