Sledge Hockey

He's doing a good job of pretending he likes being attached to a sled.

If you live in Canada, you have no excuse not to play hockey. Even if you don’t have legs, this country will find a way for you to play hockey. I present to you, sledge hockey.

I saw a commercial ( Have you noticed that the only way I find out info is from TV? I’M SO EMBARRASSED! Not.) with people playing sledge hockey. At first I laughed, because that’s what I do when I see something weird or different. I immediately make fun of it. But then I realized that these people are handicapped and just trying to have some fun. They’re probably having more fun than I am sitting in front of the TV.

I think sledge hockey has different rules than regular hockey. I would look them up and tell you the differences, but that means I would have to look up the generic rules to hockey just to understand the sledge hockey rules. And I refuse to do that.  So just trust me when I say they’re different.

Interesting fact: in the United States, we refer to it as sled hockey. This makes more sense because the players are on little sleds. It snowed while I was in Canterbury, England (England shuts down when it snows. People literally do not know how to function. It’s bordering on retarded behavior.) and I remember that everyone wanted to go “sledging.” My response was always, “Whaaa?” “Come again?” or the ever-popular “Ew.”

So now I’m totally buggin. If cappers (handicapped people) can play hockey, then I seriously need to get into some sort of sport. I feel like I don’t have many options besides running in circles. Team sports terrify me. I hate the idea that others are depending on me. Any ideas would be appreciated. Any bad ideas earn you a virtual kick to the groin.

The Majestic Maple

In all it's glory.

The other day my mom decided that it was about time to talk about the Canadian maple leaf. And when my mom decides something, it will happen.

She inquired about how the maple leaf is often used as a logo more than a symbol. It is (as I have recently found out) used on many restaurant chains, fliers, websites, etc. Paul was saying that the maple leaf makes people happy. Its the equivalent of saying “American Made”. I don’t know about you, but I prefer all of my goods  custom made in Chile. But that’s just a personal preference.

My mom also made another good observation–a maple leaf is really hard to draw. I’m not sure aboot Canada, but in the US, elementary schools force kids to draw American flags every year for one reason or another. Stars and stripes are pretty straight forward. A maple leaf though? Forgettaboutit.

Although, my mom said that she admires the simplicity that is the Canadian flag. She described the red as “bold and crisp”. And, while I do agree with her, I think saying that is super gay.

Let us not forget the many flags that include the color blue: USA, U.K., France, Australia, Norway, Cambodia, Chile, Cuba, Czech Republic, Faroe Islands (obvi), Iceland, North Korea, Laos, Luxembourg, Nepal, Netherlands, Panama, Puerto Rico, Russia, Samoa, Serbia and Montenegro, Slovakia, Slovenia, and Thailand. To name a few.

How many flags are only red and white? Canada, Austria, Bahrain, Denmark, Georgia, Greenland, Indonesia, Japan, Latvia, Poland, Switzerland, Singapore, Tonga, Turkey, and Peru. These countries may all have life and liberty, but they are missing the pursuit of happiness. And I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

Lastly, my mom asked what kind of leaf the USA would have on their flag. Lets just be clear–the USA would not pull that kind of ridiculousness with something as permanent and symbolic as a national flag. But if I had to choose, it would probably be an Oak leaf because that’s our national tree apparently.

And now it's perfectly clear why our founding fathers decided against the whole leaf idea.