Taken 2 aka LOL

I usually trust my mom’s movie advice. She and I seem to have similar taste in films. Last week she had seen Taken 2 and enjoyed it. I couldn’t help remembering how convenient things were in the first Taken movie. Liam Neeson finds his daughter who is lost in the underground Parisian sex slave trade. There is no way that would happen in real life. I don’t care who your dad is. Side note: I remember I was told not to go to Paris after this movie came out.

I just want to address some comedic highlights in Taken 2 so none of you have to spend your money on this (unless you want a good laugh). The first 30 minutes is pure cheese. Like, the cheesiest cheese you could imagine. It was bad acting. And this is coming from the girl who forgot her lines in a play and ran off stage crying.

In the beginning of the movie we learn that Liam Neeson’s (I’m not referring to him as his character because he’ll always just be Liam Neeson to me)  daughter, Kim is just trying to live a normal life after her dad saved her from being sexed up by crazy Turks. Is that PC? She’s dating some loser named Jamie and taking driving lessons from her dad. Sounds fun.

Kim and her mom surprise Liam Neeson in Turkey while he’s there on some Turkish business. I don’t know why they had the urge to go to Turkey, but okay. One part that actually made me laugh out loud (along with the rest of the audience) was when Liam Neeson called his daughter and told her, “I don’t want you to panic, but your mom and I are going to be taken.” See if I were Kim, I would’ve been like, “Geeze Dad you’re so embarrassing!” But instead she just starts crying. Weird.

Dad, I’m trying to relax. Get to the point.

Liam happens to have this sweet mini phone that’s never been invented. Maybe he had an in with dead Steve Jobs or something. Anything goes in this movie. He talks to his daughter and walks her through how to save them. He basically tells her to go in the closet and find his grenade stash and throw the grenades everywhere in the city so that he could hear them to figure out his location. Kim pretty much destroys Istanbul doing so.

The movie continued on and the entire time I was hoping that Liam and his clan would either die or get arrested and rot in Turkish prison. Liam lets Kim drive in a getaway scene which is actually the most exciting part of the entire movie. She didn’t have her license, and you sure could tell! Damn Kim messed up Istanbul real bad. She honestly should’ve gone to jail.

Kim trying to drive while her father shoots people.

And then, to wrap it up, Liam ends up escaping with his bad fighting moves. Couldn’t they have afforded a stunt double for this guy? Everything ultimately works out and the movie ends with the family, safe at home, going out for milkshakes. With Jamie.

I wish I was kidding.

The Majestic Maple

In all it's glory.

The other day my mom decided that it was about time to talk about the Canadian maple leaf. And when my mom decides something, it will happen.

She inquired about how the maple leaf is often used as a logo more than a symbol. It is (as I have recently found out) used on many restaurant chains, fliers, websites, etc. Paul was saying that the maple leaf makes people happy. Its the equivalent of saying “American Made”. I don’t know about you, but I prefer all of my goods  custom made in Chile. But that’s just a personal preference.

My mom also made another good observation–a maple leaf is really hard to draw. I’m not sure aboot Canada, but in the US, elementary schools force kids to draw American flags every year for one reason or another. Stars and stripes are pretty straight forward. A maple leaf though? Forgettaboutit.

Although, my mom said that she admires the simplicity that is the Canadian flag. She described the red as “bold and crisp”. And, while I do agree with her, I think saying that is super gay.

Let us not forget the many flags that include the color blue: USA, U.K., France, Australia, Norway, Cambodia, Chile, Cuba, Czech Republic, Faroe Islands (obvi), Iceland, North Korea, Laos, Luxembourg, Nepal, Netherlands, Panama, Puerto Rico, Russia, Samoa, Serbia and Montenegro, Slovakia, Slovenia, and Thailand. To name a few.

How many flags are only red and white? Canada, Austria, Bahrain, Denmark, Georgia, Greenland, Indonesia, Japan, Latvia, Poland, Switzerland, Singapore, Tonga, Turkey, and Peru. These countries may all have life and liberty, but they are missing the pursuit of happiness. And I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

Lastly, my mom asked what kind of leaf the USA would have on their flag. Lets just be clear–the USA would not pull that kind of ridiculousness with something as permanent and symbolic as a national flag. But if I had to choose, it would probably be an Oak leaf because that’s our national tree apparently.

And now it's perfectly clear why our founding fathers decided against the whole leaf idea.