canada, Surroundings

Dear Canada, You’re Really Gross

Last March, Canada’s government legalized brothels “in an attempt to make prostitution less dangerous for those employed as sex workers.” Isn’t prostitution supposed to be dangerous? Isn’t that the risk you take by becoming a prostitute? Plus, brothels are so 1700’s.

The legalization of brothels and pimping only pertains to Ontario. Are Ontarians on crazy pills? Why would you allow this to be okay? People selling their bodies for money is so gross. And sad. Shouldn’t we discourage this from happening? But who knows, maybe it will make prostitution into a fun thing, like Pretty Woman tried to do. Julia Roberts isn’t even pretty. That movie is misleading in more ways than one. A more realistic ending would’ve included Richard Gere finding out that he has gonorrhea and kicking Julia to the curb.

Your tub has every STD now.

On April 25, prostitutes will be able to hire body guards since life is so dangerous for them. Body guards aren’t going to stop you from getting AIDS. But do whatever you feel, crazies. Really though, who needs a body guard besides Whitney Houston and the Kardashians? Even then, no one protected Kim from getting flour-bombed. And no one protected Whitney from marrying Bobby Brown and getting super drugged up and cray. RIP Whit Whit.

The person that did this is my favorite.

Oh whew! Don’t worry guys, propositioning clients in public will still be illegal. That means they can’t come up to your car and say “Hey, want some sex?” That’s what they say, right? I wonder if brothels are going to put up signs and advertisements and stuff. I don’t think that’s illegal. Will they be able to set up camp in a house? Or can they actually buy storefront property? What would be a good name for a brothel? Lot’s O’ Sex? Hmmm I don’t know. If a brothel was set up in Victoria, I know for sure it would be called The Velvet Crease. That’s already the name of a store here–it paints a vivid picture, don’tcha think?

All in all, this is gross. I really can’t believe I wrote about it for this long. If you’re thinking of moving to Ontario, you might want to invest in a chastity belt.