Favorites, Feelings

100,000 Views!

If you think this post is going to be me bragging about my blog, you’re totally right. But it’s also going to serve as a big THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me get this far in the blogging world. I’m really proud of my blog, it’s like my child. My child that I sometimes get bored with and don’t look at for weeks at a time.

A big thank you to everyone on my blog roll and everyone that follows me. I wouldn’t be here without you, obvs. Thanks for listening to my rants and pretending to laugh at all my bad jokes.

Thanks to mi madre, A Gripping Life for always commenting and encouraging me and telling me that I’m a good writer. Can we all agree that I have the best mom?

Recently, I’ve taken an interest in my blog’s stats. I like to see which countries view my blog the most. I only thought people from Illinois and Canada could relate to my life, but it turns out that people all over the world can! In the past 30 days the top countries that have viewed my blog are:

USA-9,911 viewers (ugh it WOULD end in 9/11. Can we just stop with 9/11?)

UK-2,556

Canada-2,052

Australia-549

Mexico-382

Brazil-376

Germany-368

Netherlands-340

India-229

Italy-221

The list goes on and on. Like, 2 people from Uganda viewed my blog. It could’ve been an accident (I’m guessing the average view is an accident, actually), but I like to think that Ugandans totally understand me and think I’m hilarious.

So thank you USA, for being my home country and supporting me the most. Oh and happy birthday yesterday! Not to be weird, but you’re getting super old!

Thank you United Kingdom for being Canada’s biggest influence and for being so royal and everything. I don’t think a day goes by when I don’t compare myself to Kate Middleton and cry, so thanks for that too.

She knows that she’s perfect and it’s bothering me.

Canada–what a bada** country you are. Thanks for adopting me and loving me and letting me make fun of you. I still haven’t met a beaver or a moose yet, so lets work on that.

G’day Australia! Thanks for supporting my blog. Even though there were more people in my graduating class than viewers from your country, BUT WHATEVS. Hopefully I can return to Sydney and have some shrimp on the barbie. Or maybe just some shrimp in the shape of Barbie?

Muchas gracias Mexico! I actually expected more than 382 views because I recently visited Cancun and I felt like I totally bonded with your country, but I guess not? I’ll try harder next time. And maybe I should learn more Spanish than “Hola”?

Thanks Brazil. I mean, your meager effort in views is alright. I just had high expectations from a country whose population totals 192 million…! That doesn’t seem right. Maybe it does. I watched the movie Rio on an airplane and it wasn’t that good, so I guess we’re even?

The only thing more annoying than a parrot is a parrot with Jesse Eisenberg’s voice.

Danke Germs. To be totally honest I didn’t expect much from you schnitzel-eating lederhosen wearing folks. But I’m impressed! And clearly stereotyping because I know close to nothing about Germany.

Thanks Netherlands. I honestly never think about your country, but you clearly think about me, which is weird. Is this what it’s like to be famous?

Namaste, India.  I went to an Indian buffet like 2 days ago and it was amazing. Thank you for your food and for those bollywood music videos that were on in the background. They made me want to be a slumdog millionaire. Okay, just a millionaire.

Lastly, grazie mille, Italy! Only 221 of you came to my blog, but I’m still impressed. If I lived in Italy I would be jumping off a pizza diving board into a pool of pasta while sipping on my gelato smoothie. I don’t understand why all Italians aren’t doing that 24/7?

My swimming pool. Pure class.

Okay so that was annoying. Consider this the last time I say thank you ever again. Here’s to the next 100,000 views!

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Feelings, Judging

Pet Peeves

I think we all know the answer.

Howdy y’all! Okay sorry never doing that again. I’m pretty sure someone already wrote about pet peeves…and I believe it was my mother. Ew I hate when people refer to their mom and dad as mother and father. It’s so formal that it hurts me. Let’s talk about other things that physically pain me to witness.

  • When waiters/waitresses bring a refill, but don’t take the other glass away. I don’t want 5 glasses around my plate as a constant reminder that my insides are the color of sludge.
  • People who talk to loud in the movie theater. I hate when people talk during the previews, but I won’t say anything until the movie actually starts because usually people stop by then. BUT for those who continue to talk during the show, they’ll most definitely face my fury.
  • Slow drivers. Nuff said.
  • People that get mad when other people don’t recycle. Like, why do you even care? You probably won’t be alive when the world has collapsed due to aluminum cans being thrown in the paper bin.
  • When people can’t use a knife and fork properly. I’m not saying that I have the best manners and belong at the royal dinner table with the Queen, but yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.
  • The women on The View and interrupt-y newscasters. People talking over each other is so insane. If someone is trying to make a point, let them make it. I’m sure you can somehow remember your rebuttal whilst listening to them finish.
  • When people don’t say thank-you, bless you, or you’re welcome. These are just common courtesies. I remember when I moved to Utah, no one said “bless you” after anyone sneezed. I don’t know if it was a Utah thing, or a college thing, but it saddened me that no one wanted to bless my soul.
  • When people don’t wash their work uniform. I can smell you. From here.
  • Ignorant celebrities. How can people who have so much money have no intellect? It pains me so much. I don’t want to say that they’re undeserving of their money, but………
  • When people say “not only that” after you make an awesome point. Like, why do you have to ruin what I just said by adding onto it? Can’t you just agree that I’m right?
  • Homeless people who strike up a conversation. Sorry, but I’m trying my best to ignore you. Last week, one of them asked me where my license plate was from. I told him and he was like, “You’re a long way from home!” Looking back, I should’ve just burst into tears and ran away.
  • Homeless people who think having a dog is a good idea. If you can’t feed yourself, why are you trying to be responsible for another being?
  • When cashiers give you the receipt, bills, and coins all in one bundle. Ugh just separate it so I don’t have to stand there trying it sort it myself. Think of all the time I could save if you just handed me the money first and then the receipt!
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