Feelings, P0wning N3wbs

Tales of a Menace

When I was a youth (I love when people refer to themselves as “youth”) I caused a lot of trouble. Not like making messes or bullying other kids. Instead I would think of a scenario and say to myself, “What if I actually did that?” and then I would do it. And almost every time I upset someone.

I remember going into my next door neighbor’s yard to play after school one day. My brother came with me. I recall telling him to tell our neighbor, a girl his age, that giants were going to come and take her parents away. We both took her into her garage and concocted a story that would scare any 6 year old girl. She cried. We immediately said how sorry we were and how we were only joking. I didn’t realize that it would be so scary for her. Even though if someone did that to me, I would’ve freaked out.

In fourth grade, I knew my family was planning on moving. I didn’t really know how to tell my best friend, Kelly, that I was leaving. So I simply said, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Looking back, I probably could’ve worded it better. Instead, she cried and I just avoided her until I moved. I really wanted to find her on Facebook and apologize for my 10 year old behavior. I haven’t been able to find her. What if she died of depression because her best friend in elementary school stopped talking to her?

Being young and stupid, I learned that cheating was the quickest and easiest way to get anything done. I remember asking a kid in my class what his answers were and he said “You’ll never learn anything if you cheat.” Actually, I learned a lot of things, like how to avoid doing homework. Well, one day, on our state capitals test, I forgot the capital of Vermont. I knew I couldn’t let that kid prove that I didn’t learn anything. So I thought fast. No, I didn’t think of the capital. But I did ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and then proceeded to ask a couple of girls in the bathroom what the capital of Vermont was. “Isn’t it Montpelier?” they said. “Ohhh yeah. Yes, it is!” I said, beaming. I went back to class, scribbled down Montpelier, and finished my test. All that work to prove that kid wrong, and he didn’t even notice my good grade.

From ages 12-17 I went to Girl’s Camp through my church during the summer. It was only a week long, but my friends and I would always end up getting into some sort of trouble. When I was 16, my friend and I decided it would be a good idea to play pranks on some of the camp leaders. We would sneak into their lodges (Why did they get lodges but we had to sleep outside?) and steal their stuff and hold it for ransom. We especially gave this one woman, Amanda, a hard time. Mostly because she was young and cute and had a way about her that seemed to say, “I know I’m young and cute.” She was a good sport about all the tricks we played on her. However, we knew there would be payback in store, so we bought a lock to keep our tent safe while we were away doing campy things. One day we came back and our lock had been cut right in half.  We opened our tent to find it filled with popcorn. I have to admit that it was clever. It probably took a lot of time and money to concoct such a plan. The thing is, the tent was my friend’s dad’s tent. His one rule was: ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD IN THE TENT. My friend and I panicked. But then we realized we could put all of the blame on someone else.

When we got home, my friend’s dad called Amanda and scolded her for ruining his tent. I mean, it was pretty buttery after that prank. The tent would no doubt attract every bear in the vicinity. Amanda got put in her place. Apparently she cried. That’s what she gets for stooping down to our level.

I think I’ve mostly grown out of my mean streak. It was bad when I was younger, and started to disappear as the years went on. Every now and then I’ll reminisce of the days when I liked causing trouble. I was much cooler back then.

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canada, Food, living in canada, Vacation

That One Time I Went Camping

I did a very Canadian thing on the weekend. I went camping. If there’s one thing that I learned, it’s that Canadians are into camping. Paul and I went to buy a tent at Wal*Mart and they were all sold out. SOLD OUT OF TENTS. Wal*Mart isn’t allowed to be sold out of anything.

We went to an actual camping store and bought a two-man tent. And when I say a two man tent, I mean that both men have to be extremely small to fit comfortably inside the tent. There wasn’t too much walking (or sitting) room available. But it was cute. Good thing I don’t mind being really close to Paul.

If camping consisted of sitting in those chairs all day, I would be an awesome camper.

We set up our campsite and then we decided to go swimming in Englishman River. When I pictured Englishman river, I thought it would be a gentle, welcoming body of water–like an Englishman I guess. Well, I’m sure it was gentle and welcoming, but it was frigid as well. Like, if it was one degree colder, it would’ve been frozen. Paul swam in it like some kind of Canadian weirdo. I went up to my knees. And the minute that I announced, “I’m only going up to my knees” I slipped on a rock and my whole body went under. Very funny, God.

After that excitement, we went back to our site and had hotdogs and smores. Whenever I think about smores, I have to quote The Sandlot. “First, you take the graham…” Such a perfect scene.

Once we finished stuffing our faces, we played cards. Hearts in particular. For all you Hearts aficionados, there were four of us playing. Paul’s younger cousins were with us. They were decked out with all the finest camping equipment that we didn’t have. They brought the cards and the chairs. So without them, it would’ve been pretty boring. Shout out to Chantal because she told me that she reads my blog and thinks I’m super funny. Can you blame her? Look, you’re famous now! Shout out to Tristan because he was really good at wielding a hatchet and told me I was good at pumping up air mattresses. Even though I got lazy and stopped before it was finished.

Later on we went on a walk to see the waterfall. The actual name of the place we went was called Englishman River Falls. I should have known there would be a waterfall involved, but I have trouble putting two and two together. Actually, I have trouble putting any combination of numbers together.

We found the waterfall. I was taken aback. It was so grand and waterfall-y. Anyone would’ve surely died if they jumped off the top. Pictures cannot do it justice. But here’s some anyway:

The very tip top of the waterfall.

At night we told ghost stories and talked about scary movies. And I ended up eating an entire chocolate bar for no apparent reason. After that, I had the worst sleep of my life. But it was worth it because I had such a great time.

And apparently we’re doing all of it again next weekend….

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