The only lesbians that I allow.
I think it’s time for a little bit of tough love (otherwise known as the best part of my week). I’ve been keeping my eyes open for crazies because I haven’t had any run-ins as of late. How strange! Maybe I’ve just found the safe spots in town, or maybe they’re all hibernating. I managed to pick out some weirdos anyway. Let the judging commence.
One day I was driving home from “work” and I pulled up behind a bright blue car with a rainbow squiggle on the bumper. Not a rainbow flag, but a squiggle. Okay, apparently they’re either gay or gay supporters. You don’t have rainbows on your car for no reason. Then I noticed that they had one of those stick figure family decals below it. I glanced at it. Three kids. Two moms. Ugh. Lesbos. After that, I judged harshly. I have a couple of gay friends, who are guys. And I love them a lot. I just don’t understand lesbians. I mean, I can understand if a woman is physically, mentally, or sexually abused by a man and never wanted anything to do with men again. I get that. But I just, don’t understand how any woman would actually be turned on by a vagina. Like, there’s not a whole lot you can do with two vaginas. Sooo have fun with that.
The thing that annoyed me wasn’t that she was a lesbian though. The thing that annoyed me was that she had to show everyone that she was a lesbian. Look, we have two mom stick figures! Ugh who cares. The rainbow squiggle is enough for me. It was weird though because I pulled up behind her again on a different day, saw the squiggle and the two moms and rolled my eyes.
It’s been unseasonably warm all over the US, and parts of Canada. People are lovin’ it. What I’m not lovin’ is when people say that it’s global warming. Can’t we be done with pretending that global warming is a real thing? I love when it’s bitter cold and the global warming people are like, “well first it has to cool down in order for it to warm up.” Just no. It’s just weather doing it’s thing. If global warming was really happening, I’d be ecstatic because I wouldn’t ever have to be cold again. But alas, I’m still cold and Al Gore is still one of the dumbest people around.
As I was driving, I saw someone skateboarding along the crosswalk. A girl was skateboarding. This is a rarity. Girls shouldn’t skateboard. I say this because skateboarding is extremely hard and it’s something that I never learned how to do. I remember my brother got a skateboard when we were younger and I played around on it a bit. Every time I got both feet on, I immediately fell. And it hurts to fall on blacktop. Especially when you don’t have any cushion. Or junk in the trunk. Ugh I have a flat butt, okay? So flat that if I sit on anyone’s lap, my butt bones (medical term) grind into their thighs causing them to exclaim, “Oww get off me!” It does wonders for my self-esteem.
Lastly, I saw a guy driving a smart car. I don’t really care about cars. But if a guy, or a girl for that matter, consciously goes out and purchases a smart car, they deserve to be judged. In fact, they probably want to be judged. Just buy a normal car. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if he had a stick figure family on the back of his car with just one man because no one loves him.
Lily In Canada 