The Naked Bike Ride

Yesterday, I was just minding my own business at Starbucks when I heard some ruckus down the road. Before my brain could process what was happening, I thought to myself, “Hey those bike riders look like they’re naked.” And hey, guess what? They were.

I witnessed The Naked Bike Ride. I wasn’t prepared to see floppy boobs and small penises during my Starbucks outing, but I guess it was my lucky day. There was even someone ballsy enough to roller-blade (yay?). My husband and the rest of the Starbucks diners were laughing and giggling and Paul leaned over and said to me, “Only in Victoria.”

Naked Bike Ride Victoria

Turns out Victoria wasn’t the only lucky spot in the world. The Naked Bike Ride occurred all over the place! Cities throughout North America and Europe have participated in the Naked Bike Ride. Riders decorate their bodies with paint and other materials, or just go naked. Personally, I think riding a bike with clothes on is painful enough around the groin area, so why would anyone want to subject themselves to the harsh seats of bikes without any protection?

Because they want to be noticed, of course! The Naked Bike Ride isn’t just for shits and gigs (at least, lets hope shits aren’t involved). They’re around to raise awareness for various causes. I think the first bike ride took place in British Columbia in 2003 where the riders simply rode for peace. The ride this year was to protest against oil dependency and in favor of sustainable transportation.

I’m not a big awareness gal. Like, if people try to stop me on the sidewalk to talk about random causes where they need my support and money, all of a sudden I’m “in a huge rush!” The only thing I really care about is helping animals. That being said, I totes respect the naked riders because I definitely couldn’t do that. A lot of the girls were wearing undies though. Why were the men so eager to get naked but the women will only go halfway. Go big or go home, right?

Did you see any naked riders in your neck of the woods? Were you scarred for life or did you love it?

My Trip to Oslo

Since my Seattle post was so well received, I thought I might as well write about my other travel adventures. Especially the ones where I look thin in pictures.

During my study abroad in fall 2008, a lot of my friends were going to Amsterdam. I of course was banned from going there because I would most likely get caught up in the red-light district and sold as a sex slave. Or worse, smoke pot. Luckily, a couple of my friends weren’t interested in going either. We looked on RyanAir’s list of destinations and saw that flights to Oslo were going for a mere 7 pounds! Brilliant. Side note: RyanAir is the sketchiest airline you can take. Flights are cancelled constantly and they fly to airports that are more or less 2 hours outside of the city that you think you’re going to.

I was excited to go to Norway mostly because I am of Norwegian heritage. It’s easy to mistake me for a Viking woman. In fact, when we were there, most people would talk to my friends in English and then talk to me in Norwegian. Unfortunately the only words that I bothered learning were hai hai (hi) and tak (thanks). So my cover was blown often.

As for eating, we had an amazing breakfast buffet every morning at our hotel. We would stock up on food there and then grab crap at 7-11 at night. Oslo had a lot of 7-11’s. But not one Starbucks. Go figure.

I remember when we first got there, some homeless Norwegian put his arm around me and I did a full “As if!” from Clueless.

So that was fun. Besides that clingy homeless dude, Oslo was dead. And by dead, I mean that there was literally no one around. It was a ghost town. Streets were empty. Stores were closed. It was spooky.

We were smart and went on a bunch of free tours to all of the hotspots in the city. One of the most memorable stops was the Vigeland Sculpture Park. So this Vigeland guy basically made a bunch of sculptures of people without clothes on so they would be timeless. Unfortunately everything just looks very sexual. You cannot take a normal picture there. For example:

Not phallic at all.

We went to an amazing Viking Ship Museum which was a definite highlight. I could just imagine my ancestors raping and pillaging other nation’s carefully built towns. Often times their boats were buried with the men who died so it’s a real miracle that these boats are in such good shape.

We also went to the Kon Tiki Museum. Before visiting the museum, I hadn’t ever heard of the Kon Tiki expedition. In 1947 Thor Heyerdahl made a journey to the Polynesian islands. The museum pretty much explains his entire journey. It was a cool place and I got some good pictures most importantly.

I’m probably the most annoying person you’ll ever meet.

I think we also went to Oslo’s Opera house which is right on the water and shaped like a glacier which is pretty bomb. But probably slightly traumatizing for any titanic survivors. Oh, and we went to the art museum to see some Edvard Munch paintings. After being in Oslo for a couple of days, I could see why Munch painted “The Scream”.

Along the way I manged to abuse most statues that I came across.
I hope this post encourages everyone to visit Oslo at least once in their lives. It’s clearly such a hot spot!

Strange Characters

I feel like I’m an observant person. Since moving to Victoria, I’ve seen some pretty colorful folks. Some of them I see every day! Or at least once a week. These “characters” set the scene in my normal, everyday life in Victoria. It’s like I’m Belle from Beauty and the Beast, “There goes the baker with his tray like always–the same old bread and rolls to sell. Every morning just the same, since the morning that we came to this poor Provincial town…” I guess our town isn’t poor, but it is part of a province! I can relate to Beauty and the Beast on a whole new level now.

But seriously. Where’s the baker? I’m starving.

Lets start with Crazy Dachshund Guy. This guy has 3 dachshunds and he walks them all at the same time. Thus making him “crazy”. He’s pretty hard to miss. He never trips over his pups. It’s surprising how graceful he is, really. I would never own a dachshund solely because I cannot, for the love of all that is holy, figure out how to pronounce the word dachshund. I usually say docks-hund really fast and hope that no one calls me out on it. Apparently it’s pronounced dahks-huunt. I guess I’m not that far off. It still gives me anxiety so I just call them wiener dogs and hope that I don’t offend anyone. Plus, I get the pleasure of bringing the word wiener into the conversation.

The Moka House Coffee Crew and The Starbucks Coffee Crew. I’m referring to the people who sit outside of these coffee shops and people watch. I’m almost certain that these people have no jobs. They will eyeball you for the duration that it takes to walk past each establishment. We all know Starbucks is a chain that everyone loves. People at SBucks love to judge. People at Moka House are even worse. They want people to see them judging you. At least people at Starbucks are secretive…kinda. Basically, in Victoria you’re either a Moka House-r or a Starbucks-er. I play both sides. Can’t everyone just get along? Moka House is definitely the worst though because they have an awning to sit under and judge passersby even when it’s raining. You can’t beat that.

Schizophrenic “The World Is Ending” Guy. Twice a week this guy stands on the corner of our street covered in signs that casually mention the Earth being melted by lava. Where is this lava coming from? All of his signs have to do with either fire or lava. I think he does a lot of research because he always cites a Bible verse at the bottom of each one. “The Universe will be engulfed in flames. John 10 :2” Ummm, Crazy Face? I’m pretty sure John didn’t say that. He shouts at cars a lot. Whenever I see him , I make sure to walk to the other side of the street. If I didn’t, I’d probably end up getting in a Bible fight with him. Which would consist of me, throwing a Bible at his head.

“I’ll show you fire” Leviticus 21:5

Prance-y Jogger Guy/Girl. There’s this jogger that literally trots around like he’s a Lipizzan stallion. I’m 75% sure it’s a guy. Short hair, petite, really tan. It could go either way. Let’s just pretend it’s a guy because it’s funnier that way. He prances a lot. I study his method whenever I see him “jogging”. And by study, I mean that I drop whatever I’m doing and literally stare him down. It’s fascinating. Paul and I have tried to re-create the majestic way in which he dances along, but it cannot be copied. It’s almost too perfect. Also, it seems to work as a really good weight loss program since this guy has little to no body fat. I would try his approach, but I have this thing called dignity. And not to mention a reputation to uphold.

Those are just some of the characters that I see everyday. It’s perfectly normal to be jealous of my life.

Spring Favorites

Remember when I used to do these favorites lists? No? Well then you better go back and read every post I’ve ever written. They’re basically lists of my favorite things of the season. Think of it as me helping you figure out what to be interested in.

1. The color turquoise. It seems like everyone has been into this color lately. I’m not trying to brag or be weird or anything, but I’m pretty sure I started it. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I invented the color turquoise. I would be completely comfortable in a house that was doused in the color.

So calming!

2. Peanut butter. Ohmigosh you guys. Clearly I didn’t eat enough peanut butter growing up because I’ve been making up for it within the past 2 months. Peanut butter on toast is so good. Especially if you spread the peanut butter on the toast when it’s still hot because then it gets all melty…brb.

3. The Hunger Games movie. I know it hasn’t been released to the public yet, but I already know it’s one of my favorites. I read the book and I’m just really excited. Has anyone else read the book? Is anyone else dragging their significant other (or being dragged by their significant other) to go see it?

4. Cooking. I never thought I would actually like preparing food, but it’s actually kind of fun! I mean, I mess things up a lot, but I make a lot of good stuff too! I don’t have a blender or an electric mixer, so I’m limited in some aspects, but I’m still learning. I made a really good chicken and zucchini pesto pasta the other day. I was so proud!

5. Spa treatments. I can’t really say that I’m getting a lot of them, or any, but they’re still my favorites. There’s nothing better than having someone rub your shoulders or putting stuff on your face or getting your nails painted. I even like getting my eyebrows waxed. Spring time is usually when I start pampering myself because lets face it, I hibernate during the entire winter.

I love when people paint my face.

6. Working out. Spring time is when society is supposed to get in shape for summer. I need to do this. My sister in law is running a 10k and while I imagine that I can do it too, I just know I’ll fail miserably and end up walking the last 8k. Should I sign up? It’s like 40 bucks which sucks, but I get a t-shirt!

7. Passion Tea Lemonade. Starbucks doesn’t have a lot of cold drinks that I like. I usually take a break from Starb during the warmer months. However, I do love passion tea lemonades. They are yum. I suggest you give one a try. Plus, they’re magenta colored which is kind of cool.

So refresh fresh!

8. Camping. I really want to go camping for some reason. If you know me, you might think I’m on some sort of drug for saying that. But in all seriousness, I haven’t gone camping since the summer before my senior year of high school! I think it’s about time. Plus it would be so blog worthy. I would take pictures and everything!

Thoughts? What are some of your favorites this month?

The Starbucks Student

I think we’ve all seen this kind of thing. Those people that go into a coffee shop with their books and/or laptop just to be seen studying or working hard. Don’t get me wrong, some people actually get work done in Starbucks. But why is a coffee shop your work environment of choice? Isn’t there a library or say, a quiet room in your house where you can study? No? Then here’s a simple solution, don’t study. Obviously the world doesn’t want you to. Why do you have to submit yourself to slaving away on a power point presentation in a crowded coffee house?

Hey! Look at that guy! He’s in the army AND studies at Starbucks. How quirky and unique.

The reason I bring this up is because I was at Dairy Queen just now and I saw a lady studying there. I mean, I gotta hand it to her, this was a pretty creative move. She can’t study at Starbucks at 9pm because they’re usually closed. So what’s the most popular place to go after 8pm? Duh. Dairy Queen. The place where you eat your feelings and they taste damn good. Mine tasted like a Reese’s blizzard if you have to know. Anyway, this lady had a booth to herself with all of her work spread out around her. It looked like she was in the zone. Maybe Dairy Queen is the new Starbucks?

I hate the type of people that look around the room as they open their Apple laptop up as if they were saying, “someone please notice me.” They might try to engage in a conversation with some randomer in hopes that they ask them what they’re working on. “Oh, I’m just working on the final draft of my screenplay.” I usually mime shooting myself in the face after I overhear one of those conversations. I just hate when people use the word “screenplay”. Just call it a movie.

I totally understand if there are distractions in your house, or if your parents beat you and you can’t possibly study at home. That’s fine. But just go to a school or a library. Coffee shops are so loud. Why would that be the first place you go? Do you even know what studying is?

Oh, and lastly, don’t look at me as if my laughter is disrupting your work time. Unless you’re studying to become a Starbucks employee, I have the right to make as much noise as I want. I can’t help it if I’m super hilarious and everyone’s laughing at my jokes (including me).

The Oasis

This is not a mirage.

I’m not referring to a lush spot in the desert where you can rest your dehydrated head. And no, I’m not talking about the annoying British bros that seem to lack any self-awareness. Here in Illinois, if you’re driving on the highway and feel like you’re about to kill someone because you desperately need Panda Express, you’re in luck. Every so often you’ll pass a raised bridge of goodness situated above the clouds road. It’s basically a glorified rest area that cars are able to drive under. Keepin it classy in Illinois. This, my friends, is an Oasis.

The Oasis that I’m familiar with offers a lot of delicacies such as: Sbarro, Taco Bell, KFC, Subway, Panda Express, Auntie Anne’s, Starbucks, and a Travelmart. Today my mom and I stopped by Sbarro and both got a slice of cheese. I felt complete after that.

The great thing about the Oasis is that when you sit and eat your weight in grease, you can watch the cars drive underneath you. It’s so romantic.

The people that work there always look like they’re on the verge of suicide. They have massage chairs located by the restrooms so I don’t know what they’re so upset about. There’s also one of those kiosks with people selling phone covers. What more do you really need in life?

The Oases (betcha didn’t know the plural of Oasis!) are great because they allow tired drivers to relax in a food court-type setting and re-evaluate their lives. Have you ever stopped at one of those side-of-the-road rest stops? Everything is usually made of wood–the drinking fountains, the toilets, the vending machines, etc. They seem like they should be the setting for Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something of the like. Whereas the Oasis could be the setting for Supersize Me 2. Did that movie really turn people off from eating McDonald’s? It just made me want french fries.