canada, Feelings

Barbies from Around the World…And Canada

Barbies are a symbol of perfection. Something that every little girl wants to grow up to be, and nothing that they will ever look like in a million years. The Barbie company (Is it Mattel? Do I care?) has many collections where they feature different clothes for Barbies, but they never give them different faces. What’s up with that? They change her skin color, but never her facial features. Can’t one have a lazy eye, or super flared nostrils or something? The reason we gave our Barbies bad haircuts was to balance out their beauty. You can’t have a good body, nice clothes, a solid career, a pretty face, AND perfect hair. Impossible.11462575_gal

For some reason, the people at Mattel think they know what women around the world look like. Their Dolls of the World collection highlights the cultural differences of women around the world. The dolls are dressed in costumes that showcase each nation’s traditional garb. This collection has been ongoing since the late 80’s. They come out with maybe one or two new national Barbies a year. (I kind of made that up. I have no idea what I’m talking about.)

Some examples of these beautiful creatures are:

Scotland Barbie. She looks like a typical lass. As you can tell, she can rock a ton of plaid. It’s kind of depressing that the makers chose to give her an oboe/clarinet/lame instrument instead of bagpipes. Also, she depicts the accurate amount of makeup that Scottish girls wear.N4973-L

Spanish Barbie. This lovely lady is dressed in the beautiful clothes of a flamenco dancer/Satan. Her narrowed eyebrows show how women from Spain look when they judge other foreign women.L9583-L

Philippines Barbie. Philippines Barbie is rare because she comes with her own passport and luggage. Probably because she wants to get out of the Philippines. X8423-L

Dutch Barbie. It’s nice that Mattel decided to go with wooden shoes (klompen) and hairbrush accessories instead of a reefer like modern day Dutch girls. As a child, she would’ve been my Barbie of choice because I was partial to Aryan looking dolls. Sorry I’m not sorry.11104-L

Greek Barbie. This is kind of misleading since there’s a picture of ancient Greek pottery on the front, you would think they would stick with that theme and dress Barbie in a toga. I have no idea what she’s wearing, but it looks like something Moroccan Barbie should be wearing. Also, this Barbie can’t be Greek since she doesn’t have a mustache.2997-L

Finally, through my searches I found Canadian Barbie. Since Canada has no rich history, they simply decided to dress her in a Mountie uniform and call it a day. I don’t know how many Canadian girls can relate to being a park ranger, oh wait, yes I do. None. Also, could they not give Canadian Barbie red hair AND a red uniform? So clashy. They should’ve made her a fur trapper and trader. Or Avril Lavigne. X8422-L

Exercise, Games, TV

The Rise and Fall of Fed

Everyone knows that I don’t like sports. I’m not sporty, and I’m not interested in how good your team is. And I really don’t care which teams made it to the playoffs this year. Cheering for an entire team bores me. I have no connection to them. I do however, enjoy rooting for single players.

Over the years, I’ve learned to take an interest in Roger Federer. Sometimes I would catch my dad watching tennis and I would sit down and watch a set with him. And then leave and mumble something about being bored. Paul also really likes the world of tennis. Well, Paul just really likes sports. Even sports that no one should be interested in like snooker, squash, and cricket. Barf barf barf. Have you ever tried watching snooker and had to pretend to be interested? If you haven’t, then you’ve never really experienced pain. I have the name Ronnie O’Sullivan logged away in my brain as a top snooker player. Why do I know that? Why is that fact taking up room in my brain?

Anyway, I took an interest in Mr Federer over the years. Not because he’s cute, which he is. Not because he’s nice, which he is. But because he’s good, really good. And if I’m gonna root for someone, I want them to win. I don’t root for losers.

I’m going to take some time out of my busy schedule to educate you on the world of Roger Federer. You don’t even need to know about tennis. You just need to know about him. He was born in 1981 in Switzerland. This is important. You should know the ages of athletes because if there’s a lag in the conversation you can always bring up how they don’t have much time before they retire, or mention how they’re SO young and already a professional or something like that. People will think you really know your stuff. You also have to consider where they’re from. Think of Switzerland–mountains, neutrality, Geneva, wealthy, etc. It makes sense because Fed is always dressed to the nines even when he’s playing tennis. He’s always matching, never sweats, and constantly looks like he’s having a good time.

Rafael Nadal, hailing from Spain, and one of Roger’s biggest competitions, looks like a rat monkey and has been seen wearing man-capris. That’s Spain for you.

Fed doesn’t only dress well, he plays well too. He almost dances on the court. It’s crazy how graceful he is. He’s held the record for being the #1 tennis player in the world for 285 consecutive weeks from February 2 2004 to August 18 2008. One week short of Pete Sampras’ record. He’s also holds the Men’s Grand Slam record for 16 wins.

He is one of seven male players to capture the career Grand Slam and one of three (with Andre Agassi and Rafael Nadal) to do so on three different surfaces (clay, grass, and hard courts). He is the only male player in tennis history to have reached the title match of each Grand Slam tournament at least five times and also the final at each of the nine ATP Masters 1000 tournaments. Many sports analysts, tennis critics, and former and current players consider Federer to be the greatest tennis player of all time.

He IS the greatest player of all time. Hands down. Nadal and Djokovic are both so stupid and ugly and Spanish and Serbian. Like, go away seriously. They’ve been a pain to watch. Mainly because they both came out of nowhere and started destroying Fed’s career. He’s taken a fall from #1 to #3.

I’m going to blame everything on Federer having kids. Recently, his wife, Mirka gave birth to twin girls, Myla and Charlene. Yes, Charlene. My theory is that once you have kids, your life is pretty much over. Who knows what Mirka is making him do–change diapers, give piggy back rides, clean up barf?! How can he perfect his game if his home life is chaotic? Thanks a lot Mirka.

Charlene has to be the one on Roger’s lap.