Les Miserables Moments That My Mind Can’t Erase

When I really look forward to a movie, I’ll build it up in my mind, imagining a perfect show. Les Miserables gave me great expectations. With an all-star cast, great songs, and Anne Hathaway in tears, how could this movie not be amazing? And for the most part, it was really good. There were just a few things that my mind had trouble getting past. I concentrated so much on these minor movie details that these are now my only memories of the film.

Eponine’s Waist. An important character in the story is Eponine, a girl in love with a guy who doesn’t really notice her. She sings one of the best songs in the entire movie, so props to her. The thing is, I don’t even know what her face looked like because I couldn’t see anything past her belted mannequin-esque wasit. It’s not even that she looked unhealthy, it’s just that her waist is abnormally tiny. She should’ve composed a song about her body structure rather than her crush.

Can we have a moment of silence for this waist?

Cockney Accents. Okay, I know that the film is spoken (or sang) in English and most of the characters have British accents because we’re used to it. They do this with most period pieces even if they don’t take place in England. But some of the characters in the film tried to do a French accent (snaps for Sacha Baron Cohen!) and it’s confusing because most of the characters had proper British and even cockney accents! I don’t remember any Cockneys in early 19th century Paris. If all of the actors in the movie are as great as we accredit them to be, then shouldn’t they be able to do a French accent as well as sing?

Helena Bonham Carter is Type-Cast as Dirty. At this point, I cannot name a movie where Helena Bonham Carter isn’t unkempt in one way or another. Even on the red carpet it looks like she might have yesterday’s makeup on or something. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of HBC and I think she has mad skills. I have to applaud her for her recent love of singing what with Sweeney Todd and now Les Mis. But I wish she would class up her act and stop being so grungy.

Look how clean she used to be in her Lady Jane days.

Amanda Seyfried has the Voice of an Angel. I actually don’t care for Amanda Seyfried that much–I don’t care for any actress that takes off their clothes for a role. I mean, to each his own, but seriously, just no. I hate most actresses, is what I’m trying to say. Anyway, in the movie, Ms. Seyfried’s character Cosette not only gets to marry the hottie Marius (Eddie Redmayne), but she also has a voice that makes me hate her. If I could sing like that I would sing lullabies to myself. Although in high school, my choir teacher gave me a trophy and said I had the voice of an angel. I was an angel who couldn’t read sheet music and had to listen to the other people singing around me and copy them. So angelic.

Russel Crowe = Snoozefest. I forgot how boring the part of Javert could be before I saw Russel Crowe act it out on the big screen. Javert is the antagonist to Jean Valjean’s (Hugh Jackman) protagonist. Javert just wants to serve the law and make sure everyone is punished for their crimes. He manages to sing about this over and over and it’s like, DUDE WE GET IT. Another thing that bugged me were the locations that he chose to vocalize his thoughts. He would randomly sing on the top of buildings,  the ledges of bridges, and in alleyways. Figure your life out, Javert.

In my head, this is the entire movie/musical summed up. I urge you to see the movie and test yourself to look past these details. Lets compare notes–which were your most memorable scenes/characters/events?

10,000 Views!

I think I’ve finally made it in life. I reached 10,000 views on my blog! My mom is probably responsible for about 8,000 views, but still, what an awesome milestone! I was going to do a giveaway, where you guys would have to answer some weird question and whoever gave the best answer would get an awful Canadian souvenir. But I decided against it. Instead, I’m going to share 10,000 10 facts about myself that you hopefully don’t already know. Here it goes!

1. I was born with only one kidney. Well, I was born with one enlarged kidney, and one mini, deformed one. I had to get an operation when I was 3 to connect both ureters to my big kidney ( I think). Being deformed internally is awesome. You get all the attention and unqiue-ness of having something wrong with you, but you also look normal. That sounds terrible. I admit that it must have been the scariest thing ever for my parents when they had to send their child into surgery. I never want to experience that. But hey, if I’m able to joke about it, then everything worked out alright.

2. I performed in the Sydney Opera House with my choir. I love singing. It’s one of those great things that anyone can do if they practice hard enough. I mean, obviously some people are better than others, but anyone could do it if they really wanted to! Unless they’re mute. Then that would be tough. Singing in Sydney was amazing, but practicing 4 hours every day made me want to shoot myself in the face. I need to go back to Sydney to really enjoy it, because I didn’t have enough time. I would post a picture of me standing in front of the Opera House or petting a kangaroo, but I just look so bad in all of them. I was 18 and hadn’t discovered makeup or mirrors apparently.

3. I bite my nails. It’s disgusting. I have really small nail-beds to begin with, so even if my nails have been growing for months, they still look short. Such a curse. Not only do I bite my nails, but I also swallow my nails. That’s right, I eat my nails. Sick, I know. It’s such a bad habit that I can’t lose. I’ve tried growing them out so many times. One time I lived solely on a diet of gummy candies and the gelatin in them must have done something to my nails because they grew so long and super thick. It looked like I was wearing acrylics. I need to try that diet again.

4. I don’t drink. When I was studying in England I drank but only because there’s not much else to do there. I don’t like alcohol with food. I definitely don’t like the taste of it unless the alcohol itself is undetectable. I have my memories of getting schwasted, and I certainly had a lot of fun, but I think I’ve out-grown that now.

5. I wrote in a journal every day during high school. Looking back, they’re the most embarrassing things ever…I had to dispose of a couple. Journaling is really therapeutic. Maybe that’s why I come on here.

6. There was a period in my life where I ran for an hour and ate under 1000 calories every day. It only lasted a year, because really, who can do that for so long? It will catch up with you. It started small, just by eating healthy and exercising, but then it turned into “how far can I push my body?”, “how much weight can I lose?” I didn’t do it out of depression–more out of boredom. I went to college in Utah for 1 and 1/2 years, came home, went to community college, and was bored. Good to know that I can really buckle down and lose a lot of weight if I want to, but I think I’m fine how I am now.

7. I’m an anti-feminist. I wouldn’t mind if men were in charge of everything. I would much prefer having babies, cleaning, cooking, and staying at home than working. I would be fine if women weren’t allowed to vote, compete in the olympics, or run for president. Is that weird? Yes. I mean, I think its awesome that women have done so many great things and fought for their freedoms, but they’re just making life harder for us.

8. I like to bake, but I’m still learning to cook. Cooking is so hard, guys. Why didn’t I ever learn this important skill? It’s hard to mess up baking because the recipes are so exact. It’s almost fool proof. Unless you leave something in the oven for too long and it burns. I’m guilty of that. There’s more experimenting and guessing in cooking…and that scares me.

9. I love nostalgia. I am constantly watching old 90’s shows on youtube and playing video games that I had in 4th grade. It feels good to go back to a simpler time; When I only had to worry about beating a level in Mario 64, and not about the bills. Okay, lets be serious, I still don’t worry about the bills.

10. Freak shows intrigue me like none other. By “freak shows” I mean anything on TLC basically. Hoarders, the Tree Man, bearded ladies, The Elephant Man, Simon Birch, siamese twins, etc. I know I seem like the worst person, but I don’t watch to make fun of them. I’m just so fascinated that people live their lives with such crazy outward appearances. They definitely humble me and make me realize how lucky I am. I have to admit that they’re captivating.

Whew! That was actually more difficult than I thought it would be. Who knew talking about myself would be so exhausting?!?!