Have you ever walked into a store and you’re immediately greeted by a salesperson? And then they follow you around the entire store telling you what items they really love. And then tell you about every product that you glance at. I hate those people. Surprise, surprise.

I feel like Los Angeles would be home to a lot of those types for some reason. Maybe because everyone there annoys me? Or because they all think they know what everyone wants. Or how much someone wants to spend. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

There’s a way to stop a salesperson from doing this. If they come up to you and say “Don’t you absolutely adore this new coat we JUST got in?” You simply reply with, “Actually, I don’t really like that.” OR “Ew what kind of tacky hoe would wear that?” OR “Don’t talk to me.” They all usually work. Just depends what kind of mood you’re in!

The other day I had a situation that I couldn’t talk my way out of. It was terrifying. Paul and I were in a sporting goods store and I was looking at running shoes. There were some really cool Nike ones that there turquoise and purple that I liked. I asked if I could try them on and the salesman (who looked like a thicker version of Mark McGrath) said, “Can I check your feet first?” Assuming that he was going to measure my feet, I took of my shoes. He asked me if he could see how I walk. Looking back, I should have said no. But I walked and he said that my feet need a stability shoe. So the shoe I picked wouldn’t do anything for my feet.

Kind of like these.

I guess that makes sense. And maybe he had my best interest in mind, but that still annoyed me. What if I wanted the Nike ones?! I usually wear Asics and that’s the kind he recommended for me and the kind that I ended up buying, but it just annoyed me that he put me in a position where it was weird for me to ask to try them on. The thing is, he was nice. But he acted like he knew everything about feet. Paul asked about his feet and oddly enough, his type of shoe was stability as well. I think this guy just diagnoses everyone the same. If he knows so much about feet, why isn’t he a podiatrist? Why is he working at the shoe department in a sporting goods store?

Do all slimy guys look like this?

These kinds of people can ruin a perfectly good shopping experience. I especially hate when people take their jobs so seriously. Me purchasing shoes doesn’t depend on how well you sell them. It depends on how badly I need shoes. At least I don’t have to smell people’s feet all day.