Note to Self: Running Stinks.

I don’t know why I insist on pretending that I’m athletic. For some reason I bought a volleyball last weekend. What am I going to do with a volleyball by myself? Nothing, that’s what. I also kind of ran a 10k last weekend. And by ran, I mean jog/walked. 10ks are really hard. They’re like, 6 miles of pure pain and wishing that things would end. I even prayed that there would be a Rapture just so I wouldn’t have to continue running.

Paul and his sister like to run. His sister recently participated in a 10k before I left for home. When I came back to Victoria, the weather was super nice and they wanted to jog around a lake that measured out to a 10k. I agreed to go with them, thinking I would just putz around and hopefully get tan. Paul told me that I should run until I felt like I was half way done with whatever amount that I wanted to run, and then turn around. He warned me that there was no way of getting back to where we parked unless I ran the whole thing or turned around. There wasn’t any shortcut. Unless I wanted to swim through the lake. No thanks.

I turned on my music and started to jog, as one does. Paul and his sister got farther and farther away until they were out of my sight. That’s when I held onto my key tightly, ya know, just in case anyone tried to rape me or anything. Keys are surprisingly great weapons. If someone attacks you, just jam it into their eyeball, or throat. That’s what I would do. Not that I’m a pro on getting raped or anything. When I was running, I played out a whole scenario in my head–someone knocking me down, me cutting up their face with my key, and then me kicking them in the head while they’re down. My parents think I should invest in some boxing classes because it seems like I need to get some aggression out. I have no idea what they’re talking about.

The good thing about using a key, is that you also have your rapist’s DNA. I’ve thought about this way too much.

A little bit into my run I saw a marker that said “6k”. I was so happy! Wow, I’m like, REALLY good at running 10ks! Maybe this is my thing. Paul and his sister will be so impressed with me! So I kept jogging. I slowed down a lot, but I kept it up. I saw the sign for “8k” and looked to my left. I could see the point where I started exactly across the lake. Hmm The lake must be longer on one side. I only have 2k left to run, it’ll be fine, I thought. At this point I was running in bursts. I would set little goals like, run to that tree, or run until this song finishes. And then I would allow myself little breaks.

I was getting super tired. Maybe 10ks weren’t for me. This course also offered a lot of obstacles. There were bikers, dogs, horses (!), horse poop, tree roots jutting out from the ground, etc. Oh and rapists, obviously. Eventually I reached a sign that said “10k”. Yes! After this last kilometer, I will be back to where I started. I decided to run without stopping. I wanted to have a strong finish! So I kept running and running and then I saw a sign that said “2k”. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Was I trapped running around this lake for the rest of my life?! Did I take a wrong turn and end up at some other lake? My ipod was almost out of juice. This was not a good situation. My legs hurt every time I tried to make an effort to jog.

I eventually got back to where we parked. No one told me that we started at the 4k mark though. WOULD’VE BEEN SLIGHTLY HELPFUL. I figured that Paul and company would have sent out a rescue squad since I’d been gone for an hour and twenty minutes. Not a bad 10k time considering I walked a lot of it! I saw Paul and his sister walking to the car. Did I finish at the same time as them? Am I a better runner than I thought? Nope. Paul sprained his ankle trying to avoid a drain that was jutting out of the ground. When he stepped around it, his foot landed in a ditch. He hobbled the last 2k of the loop and he still beat me.

Side note: There was a race going on while we were running. Not just a normal race though, an “Ultra Race”. Competitors would run around the lake 8 times. That’s an 80k. Which converts to 49.7 miles. There’s no one that I hate more than the people that would pass me, sprinting around the lake for their 8th time.

New Years Eve

Someone tell Bono that he's making AIDS worse.

I think 2011 was one of my greatest years. So many crazy things happened! I graduated from an English University, I got married, I moved to a different country, I made new friends, and made a blog.  Lots of milestones packed into one year! I wonder what 2012 holds?

I rarely make resolutions. If I do, it’s usually “lose weight” along with every other girl on the planet. Even when we girls are skinny, we never appreciate it. There’s always room to lose a pound or two. But I’m going to exclude that from my resolutions this year, because, lets face it, it’s not gonna happen. So here it goes, 2012 Resolutions!

1. Stop hatin’. I can hate on everything and anyone. Seriously, its a gift. But instead of saying “hate” I should just say that I highly dislike something. Approximate time that this resolution will last: 1 week.

2. Volunteer more. Working for no pay is possibly the worst idea that anyone has ever thought of. I also highly dislike the phrase ‘pro bono’ because it looks like pro Bono, the annoying Irishman who won’t take off those hideous shades. I’m definitely anti Bono. I feel like I should be doing more work though, and since I can’t really get a job, I might do some volunteering. Hopefully it will be good for my soul. Approx. time this will last:  4 months. Do I have too much faith in myself?

3. Be more spontaneous. In Victoria, I literally do the same thing day after day. I need to go explore, make friends, find activities (not that blogging isn’t a good activity!) and make more of life. Approx. lasting time: 2 minutes.

4. Read more. I used to be really into reading books from the “Classics” section of Barnes and Noble. Now I read a blog or two and I’m exhausted. Approx. lasting time: The whole year (because that’s how long it takes me to read a single book).

5. Make our apartment cozy and perfect. I have been saving up for a couch ever since I moved to Canada. I don’t work that often, so I’ve only saved up a little over $1000. But hey, I babysit for a living! I’m not a citizen, so I can’t get a real job right now. I’m proud of my savings! I am about half way to my couch! I also got a great deal on an entertainment center for our TV. Slowly but surely, my perfect home is falling into place. Approx lasting time: Forever.

6. Go to church more. I’ve been seriously slacking. It’s not that I don’t want to go, because I do. I really do. I’m just SO LAZY. I cannot be bothered to get there at 9:30am. I really want to go every week, AND start reading my scriptures more because I don’t remember anything. There were some religious questions on Jeopardy and I didn’t know anything! How embarrassing. Approx. lasting time: Until the next Rapture.

7. Complain a lot little less. This is tricky since there is so much to complain about daily. Dumb people, smart people, people who think they’re smart but they’re really dumb, people who think they’re dumb but they’re really smart, people in general, etc. Approx. lasting time: I don’t even know if I can start this one.

Wow making resolutions is so depressing. I thought this year was pretty good, but look at all the things I can fix. Or I don’t have to change at all, since, lets face it, I’m literally the best person in existence. I just made this list to feel a little more human.

New 2012 Resolution: Try not to be so great.