Beauty, Judging

Kim Kardashian’s Body

I know all bodies are beautiful and everyone carries weight differently. I know that humans come in many different shapes and sizes and that we’re all special in our own way.tumblr_mjmh5af5ue1qcuv78o1_500

That being said, there is something so disturbing about Kim Kardashian’s pregnant body. As if her regular body isn’t scary enough.

It’s hard to look cute when pregnant, I get it. But this girl literally looks deformed. I don’t think this was the intended design for the human body. Why doesn’t she just take all of her money and go on an extended vacation during the entirety of her pregnancy where the paparazzi can’t find her. She would feel more relieved, my eyes would feel better, and Kanye wouldn’t have to be super embarrassed of his girlfriend.

Only a body that Kanye could love. I hope their future child, Kjesus Khrist Kardashian West, is nice and cozy in his mom’s stomach…or butt. Or wherever it’s being held hostage. kim-kanye-west-kardashian-new-years-kiss-2013

 

Standard
TV

Godspeed, Kim Kardashian

What’s wrong with you, you crazy slut?

I see you’ve been off the pill.

What if your child is one gigantic butt?

Did you realize that you’re legally married to Kris Humphries still?kim-kardashian-ass

Kanye must be feeling proud—giving you his seed.

He’ll probably want to dress you though–he seems to feel the need.

Buying new pregnancy clothes could end up being fun.

It’s unfortunate that you’ll gain 50 pounds before you’re done.

To think of Khloe in all this must upset you.

She’s always wanted a baby too.

You probably don’t care because you all compete.

Khloe is stuck babysitting Rob. And we know they like to eat.

How do you come up with such good money-making schemes?

It’s almost as if you plan all of those dramatic reality scenes.

First it was a sex tape, then of course a fake marriage,

I didn’t think you would ever find more ways for disparage.Kim_Kardashian_wedding1

But now you’re stuck with Kanye,

There will always be a link,

He rapped about avoiding gold diggers,

Being stuck with you, well, that’s gotta stink.

I hope you pick a good baby name,

I hope it’s something the public can stand.

Maybe something more traditional and tame

Instead of Penelope Scotland.

Standard
Feelings, Music

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

I’ve been awarded two awesome blog awards by two awesome bloggers. You would think I would have a better vocabulary from all the blogging that I do, but nope! I can’t believe there are people out there that are kind enough to read the dumb things I write and take time out of their day to comment and give me love. My blog wouldn’t be as magical as it is if it wasn’t for all of you guys. Awww. Okay treasure that sentence because I’m never saying anything like that ever again.

A long time ago (July 14th to be exact) Brother Jon nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger award. At least, I think he did. There were a lot of different awards pictured on his post and I didn’t really know what was going on to be perfectly honest. So I just picked one. The one that calls me beautiful.

Brother Jon has an awesome blog full of honest observations sprinkled with a lot of faith. It’s refreshing to see someone so proud of what they believe in and not afraid to show it. I wish I could be more like you. Ps. I like your cat. PPS. Remember when you scolded me for writing “Brother John” instead of “Brother Jon” on my blogroll? Good times!

Recently (today, to be exact) Rebecca2000 at Ladyornot.com nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. This made me super happy because Rebecca is a fairly new reader to my blog so I’m glad I made a good impression.

Rebecca’s blog is really great and consistently funny. I don’t know how she keeps thinking of funny things and observations but it’s starting to piss me off. I’m the funny one around here! But in all seriousness, check her blog out. She’s a cool chick and deserves some more views.

Whew…now that THAT’S over. I get to talk about me. I know you guys love hearing about me. I know you do. Don’t lie to yourself. Here’s seven facts about myself that I hope I’ve never told you before:

1. Whenever I say “That’s so funny!” in real life, I actually mean “I don’t really think it’s funny, I just don’t want to be rude.” The problem is, now I’ve been saying that even when I do find things funny. I pray none of you ever meet me.

2. If I like a song, and I mean REALLY like a song, I’ll put it on repeat until I want to throw my computer across the room. My newest obsessions:

The House That Heaven Build -Japandroids

Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare – Matt & Kim

Ho Hey – The Lumineers

3. In middle school, I used to buy weird sparkly stickers out of machines at gas stations and Wal*Mart entryways that said sayings on them like “Teacher’s Pet” or “Princess” or “Cool Kat” and stuff like that. I would stick them on my binders and I thought I was THE coolest. If I could go back in time, I would lock myself in a room for all of middle school.

4. My favorite flowers are water lilies. If anyone manages to get me a bouquet of those bad boys, I’ll love you forever. But I’ll settle with regular lilies because I’m just a regular old Lily, ya know?

5. I used to go into Barnes and Noble and flip through magazines, tearing out pages that I thought were pretty and wanted to keep. So sorry for stealing from you, Barnes. This is my apology. Kind of. My friend actually got caught for doing it when she was with me and she had to buy a $7 mag! Ooops…!

6.  I’ll be a quarter of a century old on October 5th. That’s old enough for me. How early do people start lying about their age?

7. I’m pregnant! Just kidding. It’s just buy one blizzard and get the next one for 99 cents at Dairy Queen so I have a huge ice cream baby.

Everyone on my blogroll is up for these awards. And those of you that aren’t on my blogroll are also nominated. I’m feeling rather generous. It’s probably just my ice cream baby.

Standard