Hockey Night With Lily

I agreed to go to a hockey game with my husband Paul last night. He probably would’ve had more fun with one of his friends, but what’s more fun than hanging out with me? Almost anything. Here are some highlights from the game:

Me: Let’s get some popcorn.

Me: If our team loses will you be sad?

Paul: Yes.

Me: I’m getting really good at singing O Canada.

Me: Look at that kid with his shirt off. He’s awesome.

Me: Omg look, he put the popcorn bucket on his head. I love him.

Me: Guess what?

Paul: What?

Me: Only 39 minutes until the game is over.

Paul: You’re fun.

Me: Lol jk.

Me: But seriously…

Me: Let’s get some hot chocolate.

Paul: Sweet boots. You look so dumb. (Talking about my Ugg boots)

Some little girl: Um excuse me, I really like your boots. I like that they have a zipper.

Me: At least someone appreciates me.

Me: Why don’t they ever put the Kiss Cam on us? How rude.

Me: Uh oh. We’re losing. Are you sad?

Paul: Yes.

Me: Have the referees ever gotten in the way of the players?

Paul: Yeah, all the time.

Me: That’s annoying.

Me: Please don’t go into over time. Please don’t go into over time. Please don’t go into over time.

Me: I will literally sacrifice my first born if this game doesn’t go into over time.

Turns out I have to sacrifice my first born. We lost 3-5. Bummer. I am so sad about it. Really broken up. The good news is, there’s one little girl in Canada who has good taste in boots. Bad news is I’ll probably end up going to another hockey game some time this year.

Tales of a Menace

When I was a youth (I love when people refer to themselves as “youth”) I caused a lot of trouble. Not like making messes or bullying other kids. Instead I would think of a scenario and say to myself, “What if I actually did that?” and then I would do it. And almost every time I upset someone.

I remember going into my next door neighbor’s yard to play after school one day. My brother came with me. I recall telling him to tell our neighbor, a girl his age, that giants were going to come and take her parents away. We both took her into her garage and concocted a story that would scare any 6 year old girl. She cried. We immediately said how sorry we were and how we were only joking. I didn’t realize that it would be so scary for her. Even though if someone did that to me, I would’ve freaked out.

In fourth grade, I knew my family was planning on moving. I didn’t really know how to tell my best friend, Kelly, that I was leaving. So I simply said, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Looking back, I probably could’ve worded it better. Instead, she cried and I just avoided her until I moved. I really wanted to find her on Facebook and apologize for my 10 year old behavior. I haven’t been able to find her. What if she died of depression because her best friend in elementary school stopped talking to her?

Being young and stupid, I learned that cheating was the quickest and easiest way to get anything done. I remember asking a kid in my class what his answers were and he said “You’ll never learn anything if you cheat.” Actually, I learned a lot of things, like how to avoid doing homework. Well, one day, on our state capitals test, I forgot the capital of Vermont. I knew I couldn’t let that kid prove that I didn’t learn anything. So I thought fast. No, I didn’t think of the capital. But I did ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and then proceeded to ask a couple of girls in the bathroom what the capital of Vermont was. “Isn’t it Montpelier?” they said. “Ohhh yeah. Yes, it is!” I said, beaming. I went back to class, scribbled down Montpelier, and finished my test. All that work to prove that kid wrong, and he didn’t even notice my good grade.

From ages 12-17 I went to Girl’s Camp through my church during the summer. It was only a week long, but my friends and I would always end up getting into some sort of trouble. When I was 16, my friend and I decided it would be a good idea to play pranks on some of the camp leaders. We would sneak into their lodges (Why did they get lodges but we had to sleep outside?) and steal their stuff and hold it for ransom. We especially gave this one woman, Amanda, a hard time. Mostly because she was young and cute and had a way about her that seemed to say, “I know I’m young and cute.” She was a good sport about all the tricks we played on her. However, we knew there would be payback in store, so we bought a lock to keep our tent safe while we were away doing campy things. One day we came back and our lock had been cut right in half.  We opened our tent to find it filled with popcorn. I have to admit that it was clever. It probably took a lot of time and money to concoct such a plan. The thing is, the tent was my friend’s dad’s tent. His one rule was: ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD IN THE TENT. My friend and I panicked. But then we realized we could put all of the blame on someone else.

When we got home, my friend’s dad called Amanda and scolded her for ruining his tent. I mean, it was pretty buttery after that prank. The tent would no doubt attract every bear in the vicinity. Amanda got put in her place. Apparently she cried. That’s what she gets for stooping down to our level.

I think I’ve mostly grown out of my mean streak. It was bad when I was younger, and started to disappear as the years went on. Every now and then I’ll reminisce of the days when I liked causing trouble. I was much cooler back then.

A Post About Nothing

I haven’t been feeling very inspired to write anything recently. Sometimes I feel like I’ve talked about everything there is to talk about. Sometimes I can’t even remember if I’ve written about a certain topic already or if I just dreamed that I did.

These days if you have writer’s block (or any kind of block at all really) you go onto Google and see what there is to write about. I typed “what should I blog about?” into Google, clicked on the first entry, and this is what it said:

1. What is your expertise? Readers want to read about what you know and your special experiences. Really!

Okay, geeze. I believe you. Problem is, I don’t have an expertise. Unless you count being able to name every Pokemon an expertise, I’ve got nothin. Are most people experts in a certain area? Is this some sort of life requirement that I missed out on? Should I look into something? I guess history would be my expertise because I got my degree in it, but we all know that’s a lie and I forgot everything I learned right after the final exam.

2. What’s the news? While you don’t have to necessarily be a news breaker, you can give your view on what’s happening in your industry and how it relates to your hobby, life, etc.

Am I supposed to have an industry? I don’t even know what day of the week it is, never mind what my industry should be. I feel like I break the news occasionally, but I usually sway towards celebrity gossip more than newsy news. Can we call it newsy news from now on? The reason I didn’t write about the newest celebrity news is because my heart is broken and talking about it just makes it hurt more.

I’ll give you a hint: It has to do with these two.

3. What is your personality? Do you like to take a stance? Are you funny? Do you like being a contrarian? These insights can help you to write about your topic.

Can’t I just be everything? Why do I have to choose just one of those things? Can’t I be a funny contrarian that likes to take a stance? Maybe I don’t want to be defined by one personality type. I think there are sides of me that are soft and kind and other parts that are funny and playful and other parts that are deep and thoughtful. Notice how I didn’t name any character flaws? It’s because I don’t have any, in case you’re wondering.

4. What are your hopes and fears? Things that you can’t stop thinking about or what keeps you up at night could be good things to share with others.

I would say one of my hopes is trying to live a good solid life. A life I can look back at and feel proud of. A lot of the time I get caught up in trying to make other people proud, but I think I should just be focusing on making myself proud. I try to be the best example to others that I can be.

My fear is that I’ll go to a restaurant and they won’t have my favorite thing on the menu anymore. This scenario has happened to me multiple times and it’s scarred me for life.

5. What are your hobbies? Things that you like to do on your free time are often great topics to discuss.

Um let’s see here. Sleeping is a big hobby of mine. Eating is also another big one. Going online. Driving and listening to music. Walking and listening to music. Just listening to music in general. Traveling to new places. Did I say eating? Um petting soft animals. Laughing at people. Laughing at myself. Not exercising. Shopping. Painting my nails (but only when they’re grown out). Going to movies. Eating popcorn. Eating chocolate. Eating.

I think that’s about it.

Were those prompts supposed to solve my writer’s block? Because I think they made it worse. And they made my self esteem plummet because I don’t have an industry or an expertise.

I guess technically you can’t have writer’s block if you’re not a writer, so I probably have nothing to worry about, right?

Forever Young

It’s official. I’ve been married for one whole year today. I feel so old when I tell people it’s my anniversary. Not that I’ve told anyone besides my own reflection in the mirror, but still. My reflection gave me a look that was like, “sick you’re so old.” It was hurtful.

I’ve realized that I am getting older though. Maybe not wiser, but definitely older. There are a couple of things I’ve noticed that I do now that old people do ( Old= 45 and up. Sorry, I don’t make the rules).

• I watch HGTV. Home and Garden Network, for those of you who don’t know what’s up. I’ve taken an interest in fixing up houses, decorating, buying property, etc. Meanwhile, I’ve never paid a bill in my life and I literally don’t know how mortgages work. I find that watching HGTV makes me feel a little more knowledgeable when it comes to buying a house…some day.

• I wear my glasses a lot. I’ve had glasses since I was in 1st grade. I never felt pretty when I had glasses on. In high school I barely ever wore my glasses even though my optometrist said I would get a lazy eye if I didn’t wear them. I decided it was worth the risk. My thought process was “I’d rather have a lazy eye than wear glasses.” Normal. Now I wear my glasses all the time. I might as well invest in one of those sweet bands that hooks onto the ends of glasses so they can act as a necklace when they’re not on my face. So stylish.
  

  Look out for these on the runway. Fall 2012.

• I get allergies. I guess I had allergies when I was young too, but I just never acknowledged them. This summer I sneezed a total of 28,000 times. I counted. It was so annoying. I took every pill possible to cure my allergies, but nothing worked. Until I came across some nasal spray. How embarrassing is that? I have nasal spray. My husband kindly wrote is initials on his spray so that ours wouldn’t get mixed up. He wrote “butt spray” on mine.

• I have insoles in my shoes. Like some kind of retiree, I walk around with insoles because one of my toes has a neuroma in it. Sounds fun right? It’s like a tumor in my toe, but not really because it’s not cancerous. It’s just this mass that makes my toe hurt or feel numb. Isn’t my life great? How did I get so lucky to have a neuroma in my foot? It’s like all my dreams have come true.

But don’t worry. There are still parts of me that have remained child-like and carefree.

• I’m the worst at eating healthy. When I’m by myself I’ll eat pizza for lunch and popcorn for dinner. I love eating popsicles and chicken nuggets. Ramen noodles make my world go round. And I wouldn’t be happy unless I had a jar of Nutella in my pantry at all times.

• I play video games daily. Not games like Halo or Grand Theft Auto. Mario Games, Crazy Taxi, games for N64 and Wii. One of my favorite things to do is to curl up on the couch and play video games and listen to music. I’ve been doing this since the 4th grade.

• I love going to Disney World. It’s honestly one of my favorite places on earth. And I’ve been to a lot of places on earth, so take it from me. It was fun for me when I was 6, and it’s still fun for me even though I’m almost 25.

• I still swing on the swings at parks. Whenever I walk past a park, or go to a jungle gym with the kids I babysit, I make sure that I hit up the swings at least once. Swinging is just so fun. I still jump off the swings in mid-air too. Like a pro.

I guess, technically, I’m getting older.  But it makes me happy that I still keep myself young by doing all the stupid stuff that I did when I was younger. I’m still the same old gal, havin’ fun and livin’ life.

Whiter Shades of Pale

Get in my belly.

It’s weird to be home. I’m thrown off my groove and I feel lazier than usual. The weirdest thing though, is that this home isn’t really my home any more. It is, but it isn’t. It’s kind of interesting having Paul here with me though, because I feel like I’m experiencing things through his eyes and, unfortunately, the USA might be just as weird as Canada.

Where I live in suburbia Illinois, there’s a historic town close by called Long Grove. The town is supposed to be quaint and charming, but it’s kind of boring and ghetto. I mean, you can definitely find some cool spots like this bakery that sells apple cider donuts. They melt in your mouth and make you re-think your entire life. So good. Too good.

There’s a shop called Nifty 50’s that basically just sells all kinds of crap. I’m pretty sure no one needs a life size cardboard cut-out of John Wayne or Marilyn Monroe, but they have them. They also specialize in I Love Lucy attire and all things diner-like. I mean, I love Lucy just as much as the next person, but do I really need to sport that on a sweatshirt? If you look hard enough (or at all), you’ll find things that don’t belong. Today I spotted a Michael Jackson cut-out and a Tommy Bahama shirt. Ummm Nifty 50’s? More like, All Hoarders Welcome!

There are 2 stores in Long Grove that sell purely Irish goods. And by goods, I mean souvenirs. It makes you feel like you’ve gone to Ireland and managed to avoid actually seeing anyone that’s ginger or drunk or Irish. One store is better than the other. I say this because I’ve only been to one of them and I like to think that it’s the best. The store is overwhelmingly Irish; From plaques with the Irish Blessing printed on it, to claddagh rings, to copies of the movie Leap Year. It’s ridiculous, but insanely better than Nifty 50’s. Yet it doesn’t hold a flame to the apple cider donuts.

My family made sure to hit every store that included some sort of food, so next we went into the Long Grove Popcorn Shop. They have popcorn of all flavors. Grape, toffee, strawberry, bleu cheese, caramel–you name it, they have it. Unfortunately they didn’t offer a mixed bag of caramel, cheese, and buttered, so we left seriously disappointed. And I genuinely wondered why my family’s happiness hinged on popcorn flavors.

Long Grove reminded me that no matter where you go in the world, you’re going to find something very weird that everyone else has deemed normal. I’m sure everyone in Canada feels like they’re normal, meanwhile they’re the universe’s Nifty 50’s.