EPCOT Escapades

My family went to Orlando, Florida a lot when I was growing up. We also went a lot after I had grown up. My favorite part of the Disney experience was always EPCOT. It was a world showcase right in my own country, what more could I ask for? There was food from around the world, makeup and clothes from different countries, and of course, foreign hotties.

One of my first experiences with an EPCOT employee was when I was maybe 15. I wasn’t exactly a catch at this point in my life. I remember entering the Canadian pavilion and wanting to get some popcorn. In EPCOT they will assure you that popcorn was created in Canada. This bit of info seems wrong. Even my Canadian husband has pointed out that Canadians couldn’t have been the first people to heat up kernels. There’s no way.

At the popcorn stand was a super cute guy named Sean. He was blonde and tall and just my 15-year old type. He looked like Barbie’s Ken. After that, I looked at him from afar and pretty much stalked him for the rest of the trip. Exhilarating.

A couple years down the line I was wandering through the Morocco pavilion when a Moroccan guy, not much older than myself ran up to me. He told me that I was beautiful and wanted to see me again. His name was Amine (pronounced ah-meen) and we became instant lovers. And by lovers I mean that we held hands and walked around a theme park together.

One night we decided to watch the fireworks. I could feel my phone vibrating in my purse but I didn’t want to interrupt this romantic moment we were having. I was basically Jasmine and he was my Aladdin. When I was leaving the park, I called my mom only to find out that she thought I was kidnapped. My brother had been out looking for me and even asked Amine’s manager where he was and when he had last seen him. My mom is basically Liam Neeson.

When is she gonna learn that no one will ever want to take me?

You would’ve thought I’d learned my lesson to answer my phone but I didn’t. Years later a similar scenario happened. I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I grew up in a decade without cell phones. I guess people would’ve just assumed I was dead after every date.

My last and most exciting EPCOT lover was from the UK. On this trip I was with my friend Janna and we had been walking around for a while when we ran into my mom. She told us there was a really cute guy in one of the shops in the English pavilion for Janna. My first thought was, “What about me?!” So we met this guy and talked to him and he invited us to go to a club with him—yes, Disney has clubs. There, we met up with him and his friend Christopher.

Of course Christopher wasn’t as cute as Janna’s guy (I forget his name) but he was funny and I wasn’t picky. We ended up dancing and making out until midnight. I knew I had to be back at midnight because I was basically Cinderella. After that trip I realized that it’s less work to just admire guys from afar at EPCOT.

Especially the guys in the Norwegian pavilion.

My Trip to Bermuda

I think it’s obvious by now that I like to go on trips and see places that I’ve never been to before.  In 2009 my mom and I wanted to go on spring break somewhere besides our go-to spot in Orlando. So we chose Bermuda.

It was easier for both of us to just meet there instead of me flying home ( I was in England at the time). It was nice because the location of Bermuda was right in the middle. Just kidding. I looked at a map just now and its not in the middle at all. It’s much closer to the US. And its along the same line as South Carolina. And on the other side of the pond, it would be level with Morocco.

Flying there, I was super paranoid that something bad would happen as we entered the Bermuda Triangle. This old lady on the plane next to me said that she went there 3 times a year and survived every time so I figured everything would be alright. God wouldn’t let that lady survive all those times and let me die on my first visit, right?

I survived and met my mom at our hotel. The rooms were separated into little villa-type things. Ours was called The Sea Grape. I didn’t even know sea grapes were a real thing, but apparently they are. One memorable aspect of Bermuda was that there were tons of cats. We had a regular cat that would stop by our room every night, eat some of my shrimp cocktail, and then sit on my bed. One night we had at least four cats outside our place.

Ignore my hair and my body and everything else in this picture besides the cat.

The weather was nice and sunny while we were there but it wasn’t as warm as we had been expecting. It was kind of a let down. Leave it to me to complain about a vacation.

We went into the main drag in town and that was fun because we felt like locals. Or at least I did. The capital of Bermuda is Hamilton which is also the name that I gave one of the cats that decided to live with us.

Bermuda is kind of like Canada in that they have their own currency but they’ll accept US bills as well. They’ll just take whatever they can get, really. Which I respect. That’s what I would do.

My very beachy all black apparel.

While we were there we went to the Crystal Caves which were just Carlsbad Cavern-esque caves with stalactites and stalagmites. I’ve seen both many times and I still can’t tell the difference. I remember our tour guide being slightly in love with me though. But really, who isn’t?

Then we went back to our place and decided that Bermuda was kind of lame and didn’t have that much to do so we booked a flight to Orlando. Seriously.

Canadian Showcase

This is a product sold at Epcot.

I realize that a lot of people don’t get the luxury of going to Disney World more than once in their life. Some people haven’t ever been. And I have to wonder why their parents haven’t been locked away for cruel and unusual punishment.

Disney World (Let’s be clear: the one in Florida. Not that lousy excuse for all things magical in California.) includes 4 main parks (Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Disney’s Hollywood Studios (formerly known as MGM Studios), and Epcot. I also include the 3 water parks and Downtown Disney as part of Disney World, but I won’t get technical.

Epcot is one of my favorite parts of the Disney experience. Basically, Epcot is also known as the World Showcase. There are 11 countries with pavilions displaying traditional architecture, food, and goods from each nation. It’s a brilliant idea if you ask me. Once you go to Epcot, you feel like you’ve actually visited the countries on display. More importantly, you only experience the good parts of each country. And you don’t have to travel there. AND you’re actually in Florida. It’s a win-win-win if you ask moi.

The cool thing about Epcot is that everyone who works at a particular country’s pavilion must reside in that country. Each “cast member” is dressed in traditional clothes (Yes, in Germany they were lederhosen) and their name tags say specifically where they are from. Good idea Disney. Epcot is really just a great introduction into stereotyping.

Now, the moment you’ve all have been waiting for: There is a Canadian pavilion. It’s so embarrassing and awesome. The American one is just as embarrassing, but whatever.

It’s obvious that Canadians have no traditional clothing. So the workers at Disney decided to dress the cast members in red and black flannel shirts and khaki shorts with mounty hats. This is a disgrace. While most countries are dressed up in their finest outfits, the Canadian’s are stuck with flannel in Orlando. Rough.

Just no.

The store that’s in Epcot’s Canada includes a lot of clothes from this Canadian brand, Roots, which I actually like. They also have candy from Canada. And some weird night shirts. So that’s always alarming.

Usually, there are bars in each country where you can grab an authentic alcoholic beverage specific to that country. In Mexico they serve Margaritas, in France, champagne, and in Germany they serve everything. In Canada however, they serve popcorn. And whenever you get some, the workers always tell you how popcorn originated in Canada which I’m pretty sure is a lie.

Welp, there it is.

The restaurant in Canada is Le Cellier, a steakhouse. The food is definitely the worst out of every country. And I’ve eaten at the Norway pavilion.

They just haven’t made anything special in the Canadian section of Epcot and this makes me sad. I mean, it’s just not up to par with the rest of the showcase. There is a waterfall though, but it’s only cool for about 5 seconds.