The Oasis

This is not a mirage.

I’m not referring to a lush spot in the desert where you can rest your dehydrated head. And no, I’m not talking about the annoying British bros that seem to lack any self-awareness. Here in Illinois, if you’re driving on the highway and feel like you’re about to kill someone because you desperately need Panda Express, you’re in luck. Every so often you’ll pass a raised bridge of goodness situated above the clouds road. It’s basically a glorified rest area that cars are able to drive under. Keepin it classy in Illinois. This, my friends, is an Oasis.

The Oasis that I’m familiar with offers a lot of delicacies such as: Sbarro, Taco Bell, KFC, Subway, Panda Express, Auntie Anne’s, Starbucks, and a Travelmart. Today my mom and I stopped by Sbarro and both got a slice of cheese. I felt complete after that.

The great thing about the Oasis is that when you sit and eat your weight in grease, you can watch the cars drive underneath you. It’s so romantic.

The people that work there always look like they’re on the verge of suicide. They have massage chairs located by the restrooms so I don’t know what they’re so upset about. There’s also one of those kiosks with people selling phone covers. What more do you really need in life?

The Oases (betcha didn’t know the plural of Oasis!) are great because they allow tired drivers to relax in a food court-type setting and re-evaluate their lives. Have you ever stopped at one of those side-of-the-road rest stops? Everything is usually made of wood–the drinking fountains, the toilets, the vending machines, etc. They seem like they should be the setting for Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something of the like. Whereas the Oasis could be the setting for Supersize Me 2. Did that movie really turn people off from eating McDonald’s? It just made me want french fries.