Mapled Out

Buddy the Elf belongs in Canada.

There’s an abundance of maple flavoring in Canada. It’s cute for a little while, but now it’s scary. I mean, I understand that their national tree is the maple, but ya know what? We have maple trees in the states too. You don’t see us getting excessive.

Let’s start off with the most common maple product: syrup. I’m surprised they even sell Mrs. Butterworth’s or Aunt Jemima here. You’ll get glares for even looking at other syrups. Traditional Canadian maple is the only kind that’s socially acceptable. Being the annoying person that I am, I always go with Aunt Jemima. She just looks so pleased that I’m letting her dress my pancakes and waffles.

The amount of sweets that are available in maple flavor concerns me. Doughnuts, cookies, candies, cereals, pies, coffees, breads, etc. are all mapley. And if anything is shaped in the form of a maple leaf, that’s a tell-tale sign that there’s maple ahead.

Hmm I wonder what these taste like?

The thing that makes me the most uneasy are maple flavored meats. So far I’ve had maple flavored bacon (which is actually quite good) and maple flavored salmon (which I guess is better than regular salmon).

The day that they introduce maple into fast food, is the day that I’m going on a hunger strike.