Modern-er Family

I was watching my Wednesday night line-up last night and I kind of got fed up with Modern Family. It’s almost too modern that it doesn’t even make sense. Well, I guess it makes sense but it just bothers me. Like, no family is that mixed and multicultural and skinny. Here are some things that I would change about the show to make it more realistic and a better watch overall.

First and foremost I think Claire, the mom, should die of anorexia. They always make comments about how she likes to workout or about how skinny she is. The plot twist is already halfway there. Maybe she had a case of exercise bulimia, couldn’t stop working out after each meal, and just slowly ended her life. Now the kids have to depend on their single parent, Phil, for everything. Phil, instead of being his funny, happy self, spirals into a deep depression and doesn’t come out of his room except to eat. He loses his job and the 4 of them have to move into a 2 bedroom apartment. Modernity at it’s finest.modern_family_serie_background-1920x1200

Cam and Mitch decide that it’s time to get married. They travel to Massachusetts, tie the knot, and eventually travel down to DC to become gay rights activists. They lead marches and protests and eventually put their daughter’s happiness on the back burner. Lily, being the annoying child that she is, goes across the street to the picketers from the Westboro Baptist church. She rebels against her parents and finds a place in the Westboro community. And she gets to make really colorful signs which no kindergartner can resist.

Now that Claire is out of the picture, Phil is finally able to make a move on Gloria. Gloria welcomes the change–she almost forgot what it was like to be with a semi-youthful man. Jay finds out and gets Gloria and Manny deported–sent back to Columbia. Manny becomes a drug lord and eventually pimps out his mother. He makes millions. Since Jay and Gloria’s newborn was born in the states, Jay keeps the child and raises it. In his will, he leaves all his money to baby Joe.

Doesn’t that sound like a better show? Much more interesting and well…modern. In times like these we need a show that we can relate to, not a Brady Bunch filler that takes our mind off of the scary world around us. It might not be as funny as the Modern Family that everyone knows and loves, but it will be real and raw. Sorry I’m such a creative genius.

gif posts

Post Grad Problems

When I see someone I went to high school with and they tell me about their awesome career:

When my husband gets home from work and asks me if I played video games all day:

When I want to buy furniture, but I also want to buy clothes:

If someone trusts me to hold their baby:

When I met someone taller than me:

When I stop for someone to cross the street:

When people ask me to hang out:

When I tell people I’m going to seriously get a job someday, they’re like:

When I’m trying to lose weight:

When my computer battery runs out and the cord is far away:
When I get all of the history questions wrong on Jeopardy even though I majored in history:

Feelings, TV

My Husband and I Are Basically Cam and Mitch From Modern Family

I was talking to one of my blogging friends, Mooselicker. Maybe you’ve heard of him? He asked me which TV or movie couple I would compare Paul and myself to. What an awesome question. I couldn’t come up with anything right away, so think of this entire post as your answer, Moosey goose (sorry, never again).

I asked my family to help me think of an identical couple to Paul and I, but they only came up with dumb ideas usually resulting in me being Renee’ Zellweger. Like, just no. Either Paul was Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, or Tom Cruise and I was Renee’. In what way is that fair? I said Tom Hanks and Wilson from Cast Away, which I think was a pretty good fit. I’d be Wilson, obvs. But then I mentioned Cam and Mitch and everyone ignored me because our food was served. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a perfect match. Except that they’re both gay men. Minor detail.

Cameron Tucker and Mitchell Pritchett are the perfect couple in my eyes. They don’t always get along, but they make things work and they’re consistently the best part of Modern Family. Kind of like how Paul and I are the best part of the world. They’re the definition of the phrase “opposites attract”. They balance each other out.

The only difference is that Paul's not a ginger. And I'm not a large man.

Mitch is mild, yet sometimes tightly spun. He’s a lawyer and Paul is going to be a lawyer! He loves Costco and Paul loves Costco! In older episodes Mitch mentions that he likes ice skating, musical theater, and building things. Guess what, guys? Paul likes doing all of those things too! Did I marry a gay man? Possibly. Mitch was also nervous about raising a child. I’m not saying that Paul’s nervous about child-raising, but he definitely is. He’s responsible, level headed, and always makes fun of me and my dumb ways. In the exact same way that Mitch makes fun of Cam.

Cameron has a very bubbly, outgoing personality. Being slightly over-dramatic, like myself, he contrasts Mitch perfectly. Cam has lot of unusual interests. We don’t share the same hobbies, per se, but my interests are also unique and diverse. He’s a stay at home dad, and I’m basically a stay at home mom. Besides the whole “mothering” thing. Cam is definitely the woman of the relationship. Like all good women, he’s sensitive.

I distinctly remember a scene from Modern Family where Cam and his adoptive daughter, Lily ( I KNOW), are having fun baking in the kitchen. He makes a mess and then walks away. Mitch complains about how Cam has all the fun and how he leaves all the cleaning up for Mitch. After that, Cam pretends to clean up but doesn’t actually do anything. So yeah. That’s Paul and I in a nutshell.

Which TV or movie couple have a similar relationship to yours?


Winter Favo(u)rites

Banksy thinks he's so smart and political. Ugh. But he's still so cool.

If you didn’t catch my last favo(u)rites post, you need to catch up on some awesome reading. Occasionally I like to take a break from writing about Canada to write about things that I actually like. I do this seasonally, so don’t expect a super cool post like this every month (unless you guys really like them, then I’ll think aboot it). Let’s get started:

1. Soup. Soup is like one of my favorite foods of all time, but I especially love it during winter. Also, maybe because I have a sore throat so it feels good. ALSO, it might be because I’m lazy and soup is so easy to make. It’s also soup-er easy to eat as well. What other food can you put in a mug and drink while you play video games? None is the answer. None other food.

2. LMFAO. Please don’t judge me. “Party Rock Anthem” is such an addictive song. And if you haven’t seen the “Sexy And I Know It” music video, you should go watch now. Warning: If speedos scare you, refrain from watching.

3. Bill Bryson. I love reading anything by Billy Bry. He writes about his travels throughout Europe and he’s so charming. But he’s also honest–if he thinks somewhere is a dump, he’s not going to lie and say it’s “quaint” or something. The book that I’m reading now is called “Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe”. In part of it he talks about how Paris spends a hundred dollars a year per person on street cleaning compared to London’s thirty dollars a person. He said, “…which explains why Paris gleams and London is a toilet.” I love London, but this is so true.

4. Anti-bacterial. I’ve decided that this is better than soap. Is that gross? Maybe. It just feels cleaner than washing your hands. Also, its so much easier to just pump and rub, than to pump, turn on the water, wash, rinse, and dry. If you anti-bacterial all the time, it has to be better than washing your hands, right? Please tell me I’m right.

5. Spray painting. If you’ve never spray painted anything, I suggest you try it because it’s so fun. Paul and I decided to make a table look brand new by spray painting it white. It seriously makes me want to consider being a graffiti artist. I could be the next Banksy, guys. I mean, he’s creative, but I could do that. Maybe.

6. Saving money. Let’s be honest, saving money is gross and spending it’s the best. I don’t know if you know this, but I came to Canada with no savings of my own. Just a husband, and hopes and dreams. Now that I’ve been here for a while, I’ve started saving money from my under-the-table job (babysitting) and it feels really good! I just recently bought an entertainment center/credenza and I have never been more proud of myself. Besides that time that I graduated…and that time I got married.

7. Candles. Candles are the only thing that can transform an apt from smelling like garbage, to smelling like a magical fairy land. The problem is, no where in Canada sells matches. I’m not kidding. Pharmacies, grocery stores, 7-11’s–nope, none. They only sell lighters. Whaddup wid dat? I eventually went to the camping section in Wal*Mart and found waterproof matches. Boo-yah. Beat the system.

8. Happy Endings. This is a really funny show. My neighbors got me the first season and I started watching it and I approve. Plus, it takes place in Chicago (my home city) so I kind of feel closer to home when I watch it. Also, it’s on right after Modern Family so I can just add it to my Wednesday night line-up. I’m an old lady.

So that pretty much sums up my list of faves this month.  I would ask what some of your faves are, but then I’d have to pretend like I’m interested.