Mapled Out

Buddy the Elf belongs in Canada.

There’s an abundance of maple flavoring in Canada. It’s cute for a little while, but now it’s scary. I mean, I understand that their national tree is the maple, but ya know what? We have maple trees in the states too. You don’t see us getting excessive.

Let’s start off with the most common maple product: syrup. I’m surprised they even sell Mrs. Butterworth’s or Aunt Jemima here. You’ll get glares for even looking at other syrups. Traditional Canadian maple is the only kind that’s socially acceptable. Being the annoying person that I am, I always go with Aunt Jemima. She just looks so pleased that I’m letting her dress my pancakes and waffles.

The amount of sweets that are available in maple flavor concerns me. Doughnuts, cookies, candies, cereals, pies, coffees, breads, etc. are all mapley. And if anything is shaped in the form of a maple leaf, that’s a tell-tale sign that there’s maple ahead.

Hmm I wonder what these taste like?

The thing that makes me the most uneasy are maple flavored meats. So far I’ve had maple flavored bacon (which is actually quite good) and maple flavored salmon (which I guess is better than regular salmon).

The day that they introduce maple into fast food, is the day that I’m going on a hunger strike.

Canadian Cuisine: Is there such a thing?

Last night Paul and I ventured to the grocery store to get some eggs. I decided to bring my camera to document all of the creepy stuff that we see. It was almost too much to handle.

Lets see…what do I need…eggs, milk, MILLET. Seriously who would buy millet? I don’t even know what it is to be completely honest. I’m pretty sure it’s just crumbs though. Didn’t people eat that in like, the 1920’s when they had no other choice? Isn’t it like a food from the great depression? It looks like something you would feed chickens.

Seriously? A huge dispenser of bacon bits? What genius made this? I just want to put my head under the spout and live my dream. Nice one Canada, nice one.

Okay sorry, but in the real world these are called Smarties….not Rockets.

I don’t know what Roti Flour is but I want it. That woman looks like she genuinely wants to give me food. Also, I think she has henna on her face, which is pretty impressive. That stuff doesn’t wash off for at least a week.

This gives me nightmares of the hockey game. Why is it necessary to have beavers on everything? Also, this kind of reminds me of that Nickelodeon show Angry Beavers. Good show. Not so sure about the drink though.

I am certain that we do not have these in the US. Come on Canada. Really though? They actually look decent. I want some.

Would you EVER eat food made by Dads? Especially cookies? No. WORST company name of all time.

You know what I want? Some chips. You know what I really don’t want? Ketchup flavored chips.  I used to respect Lays.

And lets not forget homogenized milk. Which Canada has just decided to call Homo Milk. Hmm I’m having trouble deciding whether this is offensive or perfect.

Was this really necessary? Its the SAME edition as the US. Just stop.

EDIT: These pictures decided to arrange themselves in a crazy manner. Not my fault.