Sweet Thievery

I had to make sure I gave myself the proper amount of time to catch my breath before writing this post. You see, I’ve been laughing ever since I heard the report–there was a maple syrup heist in Quebec last Saturday. Canadians all around me asked if I heard the news. I guess we have different definitions of what news is.

So apparently some robbers stole a couple of barrels of syrup. I say “a couple” because the executive director of the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers (how would you like that to be your title?) said, “We don’t know yet how much is missing – we do know it is significant.” I wonder how they figured that one out. Looks like they’ve got some top Canadian sleuths on the case.

The best part of the whole story is that Quebec’s police force believes that the stolen syrup is going to be sold on the black market. Do you really think people are going to risk imprisonment  to buy maple syrup? Are people craving it that badly?

The executive director promises that there will be no shortage of maple syrup, so we shouldn’t worry. I guess people didn’t take into consideration that the US has their own supply of Vermont maple syrup. Maybe Canada was scared that they would have to start depending on the states for their own famous export. If that happened, Canada would probably be forced to change the emblem on their flag from a maple leaf to a beaver or something. So embarrassing. Let’s cross our fingers that Canada doesn’t have to go down that road.

I’m just gonna to stick to Aunt Jemima to be safe.

The Majestic Maple

In all it's glory.

The other day my mom decided that it was about time to talk about the Canadian maple leaf. And when my mom decides something, it will happen.

She inquired about how the maple leaf is often used as a logo more than a symbol. It is (as I have recently found out) used on many restaurant chains, fliers, websites, etc. Paul was saying that the maple leaf makes people happy. Its the equivalent of saying “American Made”. I don’t know about you, but I prefer all of my goods  custom made in Chile. But that’s just a personal preference.

My mom also made another good observation–a maple leaf is really hard to draw. I’m not sure aboot Canada, but in the US, elementary schools force kids to draw American flags every year for one reason or another. Stars and stripes are pretty straight forward. A maple leaf though? Forgettaboutit.

Although, my mom said that she admires the simplicity that is the Canadian flag. She described the red as “bold and crisp”. And, while I do agree with her, I think saying that is super gay.

Let us not forget the many flags that include the color blue: USA, U.K., France, Australia, Norway, Cambodia, Chile, Cuba, Czech Republic, Faroe Islands (obvi), Iceland, North Korea, Laos, Luxembourg, Nepal, Netherlands, Panama, Puerto Rico, Russia, Samoa, Serbia and Montenegro, Slovakia, Slovenia, and Thailand. To name a few.

How many flags are only red and white? Canada, Austria, Bahrain, Denmark, Georgia, Greenland, Indonesia, Japan, Latvia, Poland, Switzerland, Singapore, Tonga, Turkey, and Peru. These countries may all have life and liberty, but they are missing the pursuit of happiness. And I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

Lastly, my mom asked what kind of leaf the USA would have on their flag. Lets just be clear–the USA would not pull that kind of ridiculousness with something as permanent and symbolic as a national flag. But if I had to choose, it would probably be an Oak leaf because that’s our national tree apparently.

And now it's perfectly clear why our founding fathers decided against the whole leaf idea.

Mickey D’s

I'm not lovin this.

McDonald’s is everywhere. Most children are introduced to McDonald’s when they leave the womb. Lets be real: McDonald’s is the best worst food ever. The only places that have a lack of Micky D’s goodness are Greenland, the Middle East, and pretty much all of Africa (but they barely have clothes so lets cut them some slack……….or lets not. I’m pretty sure some McDonald’s locations would solve their AIDS prob).

In all of the countries that I’ve visited, I was not surprised when I saw the popular chain make an appearance. They’re all pretty much the same, but I’ve heard a rumor that McDonald’s in Japan have sushi!  And we can’t forget about the Royale with Cheese. And I guess in the German locations they serve beer. Which seems illegal and fun.

None of these changes bother me as much as what Canada does to their McDonald’s. In the middle of the Golden Arches, Canada has decided to put a tiny maple leaf. Was that really necessary? No other country does that with their flag. All of the countries in the world (besides the losers–I’m talking to you Greenland) bond by having the same restaurant. I think that’s what Winston Churchill was talking about when he mentioned our “Special Relationship”.

But once again Canada ruined it. Really though? When I caught a glimpse of that maple leaf I think I did a quadruple take. It just seems un-American. Oh wait.