T-Give 2012

I wrote about Canadian Thanksgiving last year and I didn’t hold back on the insults. This year, I’m going to take some time to write about what I’m grateful for. Weird, I know. We can pretend that we’re sitting around the table saying what we’re thankful for except that it’s all about what I’m thankful for and you’re not really a part of it.

My family. They are the coolest. Most of you know mi madre. She’s pretty much WordPress famous. But not the kind of WordPress famous where you get Freshly Pressed. All the cool people haven’t been Freshly Pressed. It’s true! If you haven’t been Freshly Pressed, you must be pretty cool. And offensive. My brother is also cool. He’s a way better writer than I am. I don’t know why he doesn’t blog more. Or at all. And my dad is also, surprisingly, very cool. He does all the things. Each member of my family is located somewhere different, but we’re all still a perfect unit. I am pretty lucky that way.

Is it just me or is the black kid being segregated?

My husband. I still think it’s weird that I have a husband. It’s almost like I’m old or something. Without my husband I would be super sad. I tried being without him once after I met him and I didn’t like it one bit. He’s a hard worker and a kind fellow that takes care of me. It’s a big job, you know, taking care of me.

My friends. I really like my little groups of friends that I have all over the world. I am drawn to people that I don’t have to spend time with 24/7. I like being able to pick up right where I left off. My friends from Chicago were always so cool with me living in England and only seeing me during the holidays. I never felt pressure to stay anchored to one place.  I also like that my friends don’t take me too seriously and ignore me when I say dumb things and laugh at all of my jokes. I never wanted to have the most friends. I just wanted to have a few good ones.

Blogging. Blogging has opened up so much of the world to me. It’s weird because I never would’ve thought that writing could lead to friendships and learning and laughing. But I have so many people that can see who I truly am on here even when I say dumb things and offend everyone on the internet.

Diet Pepsi: You might be wondering why this is on my list. Diet Pepsi has been a part of my life since I can remember. Actually, I think my dad put some in my bottle once. So technically, it’ss been a part of my life since I can’t remember.

Laughing. Laughing and making people laugh are two of my favorite things ever. You can’t buy laughter. You can fake it, but true, genuine laughter is euphoric. I love being able to make any situation, no matter how serious or painful, funny. It’s a gift, really.

What are you thankful for this year?

A Post About Nothing

I haven’t been feeling very inspired to write anything recently. Sometimes I feel like I’ve talked about everything there is to talk about. Sometimes I can’t even remember if I’ve written about a certain topic already or if I just dreamed that I did.

These days if you have writer’s block (or any kind of block at all really) you go onto Google and see what there is to write about. I typed “what should I blog about?” into Google, clicked on the first entry, and this is what it said:

1. What is your expertise? Readers want to read about what you know and your special experiences. Really!

Okay, geeze. I believe you. Problem is, I don’t have an expertise. Unless you count being able to name every Pokemon an expertise, I’ve got nothin. Are most people experts in a certain area? Is this some sort of life requirement that I missed out on? Should I look into something? I guess history would be my expertise because I got my degree in it, but we all know that’s a lie and I forgot everything I learned right after the final exam.

2. What’s the news? While you don’t have to necessarily be a news breaker, you can give your view on what’s happening in your industry and how it relates to your hobby, life, etc.

Am I supposed to have an industry? I don’t even know what day of the week it is, never mind what my industry should be. I feel like I break the news occasionally, but I usually sway towards celebrity gossip more than newsy news. Can we call it newsy news from now on? The reason I didn’t write about the newest celebrity news is because my heart is broken and talking about it just makes it hurt more.

I’ll give you a hint: It has to do with these two.

3. What is your personality? Do you like to take a stance? Are you funny? Do you like being a contrarian? These insights can help you to write about your topic.

Can’t I just be everything? Why do I have to choose just one of those things? Can’t I be a funny contrarian that likes to take a stance? Maybe I don’t want to be defined by one personality type. I think there are sides of me that are soft and kind and other parts that are funny and playful and other parts that are deep and thoughtful. Notice how I didn’t name any character flaws? It’s because I don’t have any, in case you’re wondering.

4. What are your hopes and fears? Things that you can’t stop thinking about or what keeps you up at night could be good things to share with others.

I would say one of my hopes is trying to live a good solid life. A life I can look back at and feel proud of. A lot of the time I get caught up in trying to make other people proud, but I think I should just be focusing on making myself proud. I try to be the best example to others that I can be.

My fear is that I’ll go to a restaurant and they won’t have my favorite thing on the menu anymore. This scenario has happened to me multiple times and it’s scarred me for life.

5. What are your hobbies? Things that you like to do on your free time are often great topics to discuss.

Um let’s see here. Sleeping is a big hobby of mine. Eating is also another big one. Going online. Driving and listening to music. Walking and listening to music. Just listening to music in general. Traveling to new places. Did I say eating? Um petting soft animals. Laughing at people. Laughing at myself. Not exercising. Shopping. Painting my nails (but only when they’re grown out). Going to movies. Eating popcorn. Eating chocolate. Eating.

I think that’s about it.

Were those prompts supposed to solve my writer’s block? Because I think they made it worse. And they made my self esteem plummet because I don’t have an industry or an expertise.

I guess technically you can’t have writer’s block if you’re not a writer, so I probably have nothing to worry about, right?

To Laugh or Not to Laugh

The other day I was watching a fine television program called Khloe and Lamar. During the episode, Lamar’s friend Jamie decides that he has what it takes to become and actor. Jamie shows how versatile he can be by demonstrating his Scarface impersonation and then his Robert De Niro impersonation. Is there no end to his talent?

On a radio show Jamie tells a really bad joke that he obviously heard somewhere else. It’s one thing if you steal a good joke, but when you steal a bad joke? Forgettaboutit. The radio hosts laugh a little too loudly and proceed to tell Jamie how funny he is. How many times do we do this? Tell someone they’re funny when they’re not. Laugh at someone’s joke to make them feel good. Are we doing it to because it’s what we’re supposed to do?

He's got a face for radio.

I’ve definitely found myself in situations where I say “That’s so funny!” but I’m not actually laughing. I think there was a How I Met Your Mother Episode about that once. No it was Scrubs. Definitely Scrubs. And the girl was played by Mandy Moore. She would only say “That’s so funny!” instead of actually laughing. Why is my mind filled up with this crap?

That looks like a fake laugh to me, Manders.

Sometimes, if I’m watching a funny movie by myself, I’ll just watch it without laughing. I can do that if I’m alone. When there are other people in the room, and they’re laughing, it makes me laugh more. But if I’m by myself, it takes a lot to make me laugh. Even if I find the movie hilarious, I can sit there, straight-faced like a zombie. Why is that? What’s wrong with me?

Has anyone’s laugh made you laugh more? I pretty much lose it when my brother laughs. He’s so tall, but whenever he laughs he like, giggles and makes the weirdest sounds. It’s so funny. I’m on a never-ending journey to make him laugh all the time.

How do you usually respond if someone isn’t funny, but they think they are? Do you encourage them? Do you give a pity laugh? How do you handle this weird situation?

Top 1000

Gift from the gods.

Last night I reached 1000 views on my blog! Just so you know, I played no part in 994 of those views. I feel like this joyous moment should be commemorated with my list of 1000’s.  I do not have 1000 items on this list, and its definitely not a “1000 things to do before you die” type of thing. Its just a compilation of things in life that contain the number 1000.

I’m pretty sure I’ve missed 1000 days of class Kindergarten-Undergrad. School is just so…mundane.

There are definitely 1000 people that I can’t stand. I will name 20 just so you get an idea. Susan Sarandon, Joy Behar, Guiliana Rancic, Kris Humphries, LuAnn de Lesseps, Teresa Guidice, Casey Anthony, Bono, Julianne Moore, Martha Stewart, Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Stewart, Kelly Ripa, Kelly Bensimon, George Lopez, Alison Pill, Dakota Fanning, Jenna Fischer, Anne Hathaway, Blake Lively.

The profusion of 1000 flowers to make the smell of Flowerbomb perfume by Viktor & Rolf. Come to think of it, I use 1000 sprays daily.

The number of times I have been to Disney World.

The amount of calories I usually eat in 5 minutes.

How many steps I won’t be taking on a walk today.

The number of strange dogs I have pet.

How much I weigh. Yep, in pounds.

The time when Paul said David Gray’s album was in his top 1000 albums. Hahahaa

Number of times that Avril Lavigne’s teeth have mesmerized me.

Times I have watched Clueless. And Titanic.

Barbie’s I have given a haircut.

Number of sports I don’t like.

Number of bugs that freak me out.

The amount of tater tots I can eat.

The amount of times I have randomly burst into tears.

How many times I wish I wasn’t washing dishes.

The number of Pokemon I wish were real.

Times I wished I looked like Frida Pinto.

Times I’ve laughed at my own jokes.