Kim Kardashian’s Body

I know all bodies are beautiful and everyone carries weight differently. I know that humans come in many different shapes and sizes and that we’re all special in our own way.

That being said, there is something so disturbing about Kim Kardashian’s pregnant body. As if her regular body isn’t scary enough.

It’s hard to look cute when pregnant, I get it. But this girl literally looks deformed. I don’t think this was the intended design for the human body. Why doesn’t she just take all of her money and go on an extended vacation during the entirety of her pregnancy where the paparazzi can’t find her. She would feel more relieved, my eyes would feel better, and Kanye wouldn’t have to be super embarrassed of his girlfriend.

Only a body that Kanye could love. I hope their future child, Kjesus Khrist Kardashian West, is nice and cozy in his mom’s stomach…or butt. Or wherever it’s being held hostage.

 

Fall Daze

After reading mean comments on my posts:

Me, witnessing all of the university student’s costumes:

Whenever I upset people:

If I’m forced to leave the apartment:

My thoughts on Halloween:

If I invite someone to come to church with me and they say no:

When some parking attendant told me I couldn’t park in the lot that I wanted to:

When everyone around me is drunk-edy drunk:

If someone isn’t madly in love with me for one reason or another:

Whenever someone needs a favor:

Be Cool

During my precious pre-teen years, I realized that sometimes cheating, being dishonest, and manipulating situations made you “cool”. When we’re young our parents teach us to be honest and obedient, but that literally gets you no where in the eyes of your peers. You have to lie, not get caught, and be cool.

As early as middle school, I remember teachers assigning homework and then asking our class the next day if they had given us homework. Our class would all kind of look around and shake our heads, nope…I don’t seem to remember any homework being assigned. But there would always be one kid, and all it takes is ONE kid, saying “Yeah, we did guys! All the problems on page 75!” And then everyone glares at them and then they never have any friends ever again. That’s just the way it works.

One time (and thankfully the only time) my family went to visit my cousins who live in Minnesota. Even at the ripe age of 7 I knew that Minnesota sucked. During dinner one night, my cousins and I were throwing rocks in a parking lot. I, of course, hit a car with my rock because I have such a great throwing arm. My cousins freaked out and said they were going to tell my parents. Ummm DUDE. Shouldn’t we have some secret cousin pact where we don’t tell on each other? Nope. They told on me and I haven’t spoken to them since. I wish I was kidding.

You're killin' me, Smalls.

Manipulating teachers is definitely the trickiest situation. It usually works in PE because gym teachers have the same IQ as a Kardashian. It all depends on timing. You actually have to suffer first to make this work. Wait for a strenuous gym day, like running the mile. Everyone hates that unit. A mile isn’t very long, but in high school it is. Except for cross country weirdos. After you run the mile, you definitely deserve a break. The next day, tell the teacher that they promised the class would play dodge ball after running yesterday. They’ll question you for a bit, but just stand strong–You’ll be playing dodge ball in no time. Once you’ve conquered gym teachers, you can pretty much control anyone.

Life lessons brought to you by Lily.