Dear Shia LaBeouf, Please Lay Off The Drugs

Most of you have probably heard by now that Shia LaBeouf was in Sigur Ros’ new “music video”. For those of you that don’t know, Sigur Ros is a creepy Icelandic band that has just made themselves 100 times creepier in my eyes. I can’t for the life of me name any of their songs. I don’t know what/who convinced Shia (aka my adolescent lover) to make such a weird career move, but alas, I am not responsible for him or his actions.

Shia’s climb up the popularity ladder started with the Disney channel sitcom Even Stevens. Everyone in my generation will admit that Even Stevens had moments of brilliance not to mention moments of hilarity. As young people, we get attached to shows that are by our side as we grow up. Even Stevens was one of these shows.  Unfortunately, Shia grew up, and so did we.

How could you deny this nostril-flared face?

As he moved away from TV, Shia started gravitating towards some pretty big film roles including but not limited to, I, Robot (never saw it), Constantine (eww I’m allergic to Keanu Reeves movies), Bobby ( did anyone see this?), Disturbia (sexy Shia make out scene), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Old Harrison Ford, and like, eight Transformer movies. Yawn snore barf.

Now, the adult Shia feels the need to do interpretive dance moves naked. I just don’t understand. I mean, yeah, movie-wise things could’ve been better for Shi Shi. But they also didn’t have to take a nosedive into Icelandic waters. I’m hurt and confused as to why he would chose this path. I never thought I would see Shia’s peen. But now I have and there’s no going back. It’s seared into my brain for time and all eternity. Well, hopefully not all eternity. But for a while. Or at least until I have to look it up to refresh the image.

I can’t really even explain the clip. It’s not a music video because there’s barely any music. Granted, I didn’t watch the last 5 minutes so who knows. I stopped watching after Shia and the Icelandic chick were kidnapped and blindfolded and given lollipops. It was just too weird for me. Plus Shia had long greasy rapist hair and I just couldn’t deal. I miss my old Shia. I’m sorry that our paths didn’t cross. I could’ve saved your soul (Cue Jewel). Lily LaBeouf has a certain ring to it, dontcha think?

Lake Houses

I’m not talking about the bad movie with Keanu Reeves. I actually never saw the movie Lake House, but I just know it’s bad because Keanu Reeves is in it. The one thing that I’ve always wanted in life was a lake house. I don’t even like swimming in lakes that much. I just like the idea of them I guess.

My grandpa had a lake house when I was younger. Actually, he had a few different ones. Most of them were on Candlewood Lake in Connecticut. For maybe 4  summers of my youth we drove to these lake houses and just chilled with my family. Being right on the lake is the best. One of his houses had a docked slide in the middle of the water that my brother, my uncle, and I liked to go on. I think my cousin did too, but she was younger so I’m not sure about that one. Anyway, I remembering having to fill up this milk jug with lake water and pouring it down the slide in order to make it slippery. Even back then I knew this system was archaic.

I also liked going tubing. I can’t water ski. Well, maybe I can. I’ve never tried. Paul and his bro were like pro water skiers when they were younger. Well, pro Canadian water skiers. So I guess they were just regular? (JK GUYS) I can’t help but to be afraid that a shark is going to eat me whilst I’m tubing. Especially when I’m stopped in the middle of the lake. I know sharks don’t reside in lakes. I’ve seen every shark movie wayyy to many times to think that I’m ever safe in a body of water. Even in pools you have to keep a look out. I’m just sayin’.

Paul has had a lake house for most of his life. I can’t help being jealous of this. It must have been so much fun to have an alternate house to go to for the entire summer. I guess what I like most about lake houses is the simplicity of everything. You don’t need a lot of stuff to have fun at a lake house. You just need a lake and a barbeque.

I think going to my grandpa’s lake house gave me a sense of having a big family. There was always someone to hang out with or talk to. My family isn’t particularly big. I have one sibling. And 3 cousins. I’ve met two of those cousins only once in my life. But they live in Minnesota. So it’s really their fault for living in such an undesirable place.

A lot of things have changed since those lake house days. Some of my family members don’t talk to each other, that uncle isn’t my uncle any more, and there’s no longer a lake house to go to. But now that we live about 45 minutes from my husband’s lake house, I feel like I can make new lake house memories. Plus, that might be the only place I can get a decent tan here, so I really don’t have a choice.