Kim Kardashian’s Body

I know all bodies are beautiful and everyone carries weight differently. I know that humans come in many different shapes and sizes and that we’re all special in our own way.

That being said, there is something so disturbing about Kim Kardashian’s pregnant body. As if her regular body isn’t scary enough.

It’s hard to look cute when pregnant, I get it. But this girl literally looks deformed. I don’t think this was the intended design for the human body. Why doesn’t she just take all of her money and go on an extended vacation during the entirety of her pregnancy where the paparazzi can’t find her. She would feel more relieved, my eyes would feel better, and Kanye wouldn’t have to be super embarrassed of his girlfriend.

Only a body that Kanye could love. I hope their future child, Kjesus Khrist Kardashian West, is nice and cozy in his mom’s stomach…or butt. Or wherever it’s being held hostage.

 

Godspeed, Kim Kardashian

What’s wrong with you, you crazy slut?

I see you’ve been off the pill.

What if your child is one gigantic butt?

Did you realize that you’re legally married to Kris Humphries still?

Kanye must be feeling proud—giving you his seed.

He’ll probably want to dress you though–he seems to feel the need.

Buying new pregnancy clothes could end up being fun.

It’s unfortunate that you’ll gain 50 pounds before you’re done.

To think of Khloe in all this must upset you.

She’s always wanted a baby too.

You probably don’t care because you all compete.

Khloe is stuck babysitting Rob. And we know they like to eat.

How do you come up with such good money-making schemes?

It’s almost as if you plan all of those dramatic reality scenes.

First it was a sex tape, then of course a fake marriage,

I didn’t think you would ever find more ways for disparage.

But now you’re stuck with Kanye,

There will always be a link,

He rapped about avoiding gold diggers,

Being stuck with you, well, that’s gotta stink.

I hope you pick a good baby name,

I hope it’s something the public can stand.

Maybe something more traditional and tame

Instead of Penelope Scotland.