P0wning N3wbs

The Worst Job In The World

I over exaggerate a lot. It’s not the worst job in the world. But it’s the worst job that I’ve ever had. Mainly because it’s one of the only jobs I’ve ever had. Telemarketing. Phoning people and asking them questions. Trying to sell them something. Getting hung up on. It all just really sucks and makes you want to die.

My thoughts when being hung up on.

Some corporation called me the other day telling me that my long distance calls would only cost 2 cents from now on. To which I replied, “Oh great!” Little did I know, my response would enable them to sign me up for some other type of bill. I didn’t even agree to anything, they just worded it in a confusing way which obviously tricked my small brain. Some kind of sorcery if you ask me. I told the guy over the phone that I had to go even though I hadn’t finished his questions. He started yelling at me. “No! You can’t go. You still have to tell me your email!” Click.  I realized that I’d already told him too much.

He called me back a little later asking for my email and I told him that I didn’t want the service that he was selling. He got really upset and hung up on me. Like a little girl.

I remember working at a call center. It’s literally the worst job. I worked next to my friend and we would talk between our calls. Once someone answered the phone we would put on our fake voices at lightning speed.  I hated everything about that place. I hated calling people and disrupting their day. I hated being hung up on. I HATED using the military alphabet. ‘V’ as in Victor? ‘I’ as in I hate you so much.

Tell me how much you hate yourself after you say 'P' as in Papa.

Sometimes people would be really cool and answer all of my questions. In fact I seem to remember telling someone I loved them. I think the call center recorded some of the calls so they probably thought I had Tourette’s or something. Others would tell me that they couldn’t talk because Dancing with the Stars just came on. Decent excuse. One time I called someone named John Lennon. “Hello is this John Lennon?” That kind of thing doesn’t happen too often.

I quit after about 3 weeks. It wasn’t too strenuous, but I just hated taking time away from someone’s day. I try to be polite when telemarketers call me, since I know what life is like on the other end of the phone. But it’s just so tempting to yell at them. Or tell them that no one loves them.

What do you say to telemarketers that interrupt your precious down-time?

Feelings, P0wning N3wbs


No, I didn’t just make up that word. But I think the person that did was my soul mate. Schadenfreude is a German word meaning pleasure derived in the misfortune of others. I have this. This would be my diagnosis from most doctors. And then they would kick me out of their office and tell me that I’m going to hell in every religion.

To be clear, I don’t like when bad things happen to good people. Well, not to confuse anyone, but I don’t think there’s such thing as good and bad people. I think everyone is a good person. But I think life choices and circumstances make good people do bad things. Lot’s of bad things happen to undeserving people. But such is life. We should take those bad things and use them to make ourselves stronger, not to use them as a handicap or a “woe is me” excuse.

One time when I was flying to London, I sat next to a guy on the airplane who was in a wheel chair. We started talking and he mentioned about how he hadn’t always been in a wheel chair. Being the nosy biatch that I am, I inquired more. He told me that he was riding his motorcycle and that he got in an accident on the highway. He used to run marathons. He was so kind and had such a good outlook on life. He still competes in marathons, but now he wheels instead of runs. He was actually going to race in the London marathon. As cheesy as this sounds, he made me want to be a better person.

But I’m not. Moving on…

Karma is my favorite thing. I’m a fan of both bad karma and good karma. I know that life isn’t fair, but I like to think that justice is always served and that good deeds always get rewarded. Is there a place where that happens? Because I want to move there.

I can’t help but laugh when someone’s being super annoying and then they trip and fall when they walk away. This happens to Kim Kardashian A LOT.  That’s instant karma. And it’s gonna get you. John Lennon clearly only writes about pressing issues. Like being a walrus.

Why is Yoko blindly knitting in the background of the Instant Karma video? She's the devil.

Good karma is all fine and dandy, but bad karma is much more entertaining. I remember in 7th grade I left my Hello Kitty wallet in an Abercrombie and Fitch dressing room. Looking back, this was a horrible situation. Why did I think I could pass as an Asian girl by owning anything Hello Kitty, and believing that I could fit into Abercrombie and Fitch?  When I went back to get it, all of my money had been stolen, including a gift card to Target. But they clearly had good taste and left my wallet behind. My mom told me that the person that stole my money would end up having bad karma. That made me feel good.

Wait…what if my money being stolen was my own bad karma from doing something bad. Brb–re-evaluating my life.