Music, TV, Uncategorized

Dear Shia LaBeouf, Please Lay Off The Drugs

Most of you have probably heard by now that Shia LaBeouf was in Sigur Ros’ new “music video”. For those of you that don’t know, Sigur Ros is a creepy Icelandic band that has just made themselves 100 times creepier in my eyes. I can’t for the life of me name any of their songs. I don’t know what/who convinced Shia (aka my adolescent lover) to make such a weird career move, but alas, I am not responsible for him or his actions.

Shia’s climb up the popularity ladder started with the Disney channel sitcom Even Stevens. Everyone in my generation will admit that Even Stevens had moments of brilliance not to mention moments of hilarity. As young people, we get attached to shows that are by our side as we grow up. Even Stevens was one of these shows.  Unfortunately, Shia grew up, and so did we.

How could you deny this nostril-flared face?

As he moved away from TV, Shia started gravitating towards some pretty big film roles including but not limited to, I, Robot (never saw it), Constantine (eww I’m allergic to Keanu Reeves movies), Bobby ( did anyone see this?), Disturbia (sexy Shia make out scene), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Old Harrison Ford, and like, eight Transformer movies. Yawn snore barf.

Now, the adult Shia feels the need to do interpretive dance moves naked. I just don’t understand. I mean, yeah, movie-wise things could’ve been better for Shi Shi. But they also didn’t have to take a nosedive into Icelandic waters. I’m hurt and confused as to why he would chose this path. I never thought I would see Shia’s peen. But now I have and there’s no going back. It’s seared into my brain for time and all eternity. Well, hopefully not all eternity. But for a while. Or at least until I have to look it up to refresh the image.

I can’t really even explain the clip. It’s not a music video because there’s barely any music. Granted, I didn’t watch the last 5 minutes so who knows. I stopped watching after Shia and the Icelandic chick were kidnapped and blindfolded and given lollipops. It was just too weird for me. Plus Shia had long greasy rapist hair and I just couldn’t deal. I miss my old Shia. I’m sorry that our paths didn’t cross. I could’ve saved your soul (Cue Jewel). Lily LaBeouf has a certain ring to it, dontcha think?

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Exercise, Vacation

Blackhawk Pool

One of my greatest childhood memories took place in our subdivision’s public pool. I spent my elementary years in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. I don’t remember much of it besides my house, my neighbor’s yards, the library, my school, and of course, Blackhawk Pool.

The fact that I could find a picture of Blackhawk pool online makes me sick.

Blackhawk was a pretty typical neighborhood. The houses weren’t too big, but they weren’t small either. You could get a lot for your money during the 90’s in rural Indiana. I remember spending lot of my summers at the pool. I think it was a good go-to activity for most parents. Take your kids to the pool–they have fun, you get a tan!

I remembered getting there early. Like, at 9am. Who goes to the pool at 9am besides my mom? No one. Literally every time we’re on vacation my mom wakes up, has breakfast and goes to the pool or the beach. It’s nice because I always have a spot reserved!

Because my brother and I spent so much time in the pool, we became pretty great swimmers. Well, I did at least. I loved swimming in the deep end, diving for rings or sticks or whatever the hell kids dive for. I also loved jumping off the high dive. I remember it being SO tall. There was a while when I just did little jumps, but once I learned to dive, there was no going back. I didn’t have time for jumps any more. It hurt my head when I hit the water diving off the board. Like I was diving into a pool of bricks. But any pain is worth it if you think you look cool in 4th grade.

All the Sandlot kids admiring my diving skills.

During the day, around lunch time there would be half an hour of adult swim which I loathed. UGHHHGH adults can swim any time! But I guess they just wanted time when kids weren’t jumping on their shoulders and swimming in between their legs. The only thing that adults do during adult swim is walk up and down the lanes like totally lame-os. Possibly the only good thing about adult swim was the snack bar. Since kids weren’t allowed in the pool at this time, we flocked to the food stand. I remember my brother and I always got Airheads or Whatchamacallits. A Whatchamacallit was a chocolate bar that was kind of crunchy and chewy. Airheads were…man, I don’t even know. Kind of like taffy, but a thinner consistency. We were pretty easy to please when it came to snacks. Unless it was fruit. Sick.

So yum.

The best part of Blackhawk pool was the radio. They had the radio on all the time. The station played the top songs of 1997…at least those were the ones that I remember the most. Whenever I hear one of these “Blackhawk pool songs” I’m instantly taken back. I remember exactly where I was. Some examples are:

Sunny Came Home-Shawn Colvin

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone-Paula Cole

If It Makes You Happy-Cheryl Crow

Building a Mystery- Sarah McLachlan

Tubthumping-Chumbawumba

Who Will Save Your Soul-Jewel

All For You- Sister Hazel

Bitch-Meredith Brooks

Breakfast at Tiffany’s- Deep Blue Something

Semi-Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind

Ahhh classics! I don’t ever want to revisit Blackhawk pool because I know it won’t be the same. The high dive will be small, the music won’t be the same, and I’ll be allowed to swim during adult swim.

Do you have any summer pool memories?

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