The Place Beyond the Pines: A Review

I realize that I’ve been doing a lot of reviews lately. I’ve just run out of funny stories and annoying opinions for the time being so you’ll just have to bear with me. Well, I guess reviews can be filed under the annoying opinions category so technically everything is the same. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. I’m half typing this, half watching Deadliest Catch, and half trying to digest tacos. Three halves make a whole, right?

*There will be spoilers in this review*

The Place Beyond the Pines was pretty good. (Reviews are obviously my forte.) I was entertained through most of the film but I did find it a bit too long–it was 2 hours and 20 minutes! The opening credits made me think that I signed up for Drive Part 2. What is with Ryan Gosling playing the solemn tough guy roles? Like, okay we get it. But it turned out being okay because he died half way into it. Byeeeee.The-Place-Beyond-the-Pines-Wallpaper-01

I started typing out a synopsis, but the story is actually pretty long and complex so I’m not going to do that. I’m just going to review it as best as I can without confusing everyone.

Gosling played a character named Luke who was torn between being a good father and making good life choices. He thought the only way he could be a good father was if he provided for his son in a way that the child’s mother, Romina (Eva Mendes) and her new boyfriend could not. Luke started robbing banks with his new friend who fixed up cars. They were pretty successful and obtained a lot of money. Everyone was happy and life was good. It was basically like The Town except no Boston accents and no scary nun masks.

Okay so that still ended up being a synopsis. WHATEVER. I thought the first half was pretty entertaining but not totally realistic. It’s fun to watch bank robberies, but how often do people try to rob banks these days? Eva Mendes did a good job of acting poor and sad. I thought it was good casting for her.



Eventually Luke gets greedy and wants to pull off two bank robberies in one day. His friend warns him not to, things go awry, and Luke ends up dead. A young officer named Avery (Bradley Cooper) ends up shooting Luke and earning some kind of police metal of honor.

This part of the movie was slightly boring. They depicted a lot of corruption within the police world–Ray Liotta portrayed one of the dishonest police men who was in the movie for like, 10 minutes. What happened to him? He was so perfect in Goodfellas and now he gets minor, stupid roles that should have been cut out of the film all together? Lame.

As the movie progresses, they show Luke’s son fifteen years later in school with Avery’s son. It’s interesting because one assumes that Avery’s son, AJ, should have turned out as a good, solid kid. And one would’ve assumed that Jason, Luke’s son, would’ve turned out for the worst-addicted to drugs, brought up on the wrong side of the tracks kind of stuff. But their characters are totally different to what you expect. Which is one thing that I really appreciated. Even though Jason’s family didn’t have as much as AJ’s family did, they managed to provide him with morals and love, where it seems that AJ got nothing. Also, I’m pretty sure AJ is should be cast on the next season of Jersey Shore.

Jason and AJ.

Jason and AJ.

The best part about this half of the film was how old they made Eva Mendes look. She looked roughhhh. But in a good, believable way. They didn’t age Bradley Cooper as much as they made him look young in the first half. I actually thought this was a pretty boring role for him compared to his part in Silver Linings Playbook. But what do I know? Everything.

Overall, I thought the movie was entertaining and an interesting story. I wasn’t expecting much, so I was pleasantly surprised with most of it. I thought they could have trimmed a lot of extra scenes because I found it to drag on in some areas.

What did you think of this movie? If you haven’t seen it, does it sound like something you would like to watch (now that I’ve ruined the entire film)?


My Fave Reality TV Moments

Let’s be clear for a minute. These are MY fave. Not your fave, not the best ever, not the funniest. Just mine. Most of these are pretty popular. Others you might not be as familiar with. In which case, you’re welcome.

Greg’s Coconut Phone. During the very first season of Survivor or, the birth of reality television, one of the contestants, Greg, would talk into a coconut on a daily basis. For the record, the game lasted for 40 days. If someone was watching Greg’s actions they would have thought he was the original Castaway, or was a severe schizo. I love how Greg’s teammates look at him, unamused. The fact that he uses the term “incommunicado” incorrectly makes me want to actually leave him on an island so he can be with his coconut phone. Forever.

Chicken of the Sea. Everyone thought this moment was so funny and cute. It disturbed me more than anything. It demonstrated that celebrities don’t have to have a brain in their head to make millions of dollars. Don’t get me wrong, Jessica is cute and seems super nice. But come on. Even Nick is like, are you retarded? I love when Jessica says “Oh I understand now. I read it wrong.” Good save, Jess.

Watermelon to the Face. I’m not a huge fan of slapstick, but I am a huge fan of seeing annoying people get hurt. The Amazing Race is a great show because a bunch of annoying people get to race around the world and get super tired and eat gross things and eventually not win a million dollars. In this challenge, two lesbians (I mean, “Home Shopping Hosts”) have to hit some knights in armor with watermelons. When you’re racing around the world, tasks like this ALWAYS come up. After the girl gets pummeled with a watermelon, her companion has little to no sympathy. “They don’t call it The Amazing Race for nothing.” Now get up off your ass, wipe the fruit out of your hair, and try not to get your big head in the way this time.

Snooki Gets Punched. This is the moment that made Snooki watchable. Before she was socked right in the kisser, she wasn’t memorable or outgoing. It’s almost like she got some sense smacked into her. But no, she’s actually still really dumb. It’s just kind of fun to watch.

Scott Disick Being Perfect. The hilarity that is Scott Disick cannot be contained in one scene. Mr. Disick, beau of Kourtney Kardashian, makes Keeping Up With The Kardashians worth watching. Unforch, it’s impossible for me to pick just one funny Disick moment, so y’all are going to have to do some Kardash research. Marathon anyone?!?!

Susan Boyle Doin’ Her Thang. I know it’s super cheesy, but I love moments like this. This clip makes me never want to judge a book by it’s cover ever again. I’m still going to judge people on their appearances. But books? Never again. The best part about this clip, in my opinion, is Simon’s reaction. You can tell he’s like “Am I on Punk’d?” Classic. Piers is just being annoying. And the girl in the middle is crying her face off.

Teresa Giudice Crazy Town. You really only have to watch the first minute of this clip to understand Teresa Giudice. She makes Jessica Simpson look scholarly. She makes Snooki look lady-like. The worst part is that the woman that Teresa’s fighting, Danielle, is super obnoxious. But Teresa makes her look like a calm and collected reasonable human. Teresa Giudice is what nightmares are made of. Andy Cohen probably had to burn his suit after Teresa touched slammed him.

Alana. Let’s just say, if my child turned out like Alana, I would have 10 kids. Nothing makes me laugh quite like this reality TV moment. TLC really comes up with some genius shows, including, Toddlers and Tiaras. Alana’s mother is frightening, like most beauty pageant moms. But she did something right in raising this child because she’s almost as funny as me. You can hear the cameramen and interviewers laughing in the background of all her scenes. God bless Alana.