Summer Favorites

Can you believe that summer is already starting to wind down? It feels like it just started! I figured that I might as well compile my favorite things for this season. *Cue “My Favorite Things” music from The Sound of Music*

1. Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app. That was so weird. It’s almost like I could hear the sound of hundreds of people clicking the unfollow button. Hear me out though. I am aware of the grossness that is Kim Kardashian. Her family of narcissists disgusts me as well, don’t worry. BUT I’m a sucker for terrible computer games. Hell, I was raised in the 90’s. It’s really all I know. 

Anyway, the gist of the game is that you’re a nobody, trying to make it in Hollywood. You happen to save Kim’s big butt during an emergency fashion nightmare and you end up climbing the ladder of celeb status thanks to Kim, fashion shoots, flirting, and your many agents. It’s just a fun, brainless way to pass the time. Plus, it gives me that satisfaction of knowing that at least once in my life I’ll have owned a loft in Beverly Hills AND a mansion in Miami at the same time.

2. Weddings. Um hi, weddings are so fun! I haven’t attended many wedding celebrations in my life but I sure do love ’em. How much fun is it to dress up, look at beautiful people, family, friends, etc. and eat delicious food and dance all night? Those are pretty much all my favorite things to do all thrown into one night. Weddings, hell yeah.

3. Haagen-Dazs. There should be an umlaut in there somewhere but I’m far too lazy to look up the key combo for it. This beautiful ice cream brand has been on sale in the grocery store for a couple of weeks now and my husband and I have made sure to take advantage of this good fortune. Some of our favorite flavors have been Pralines and Cream, Caramel Explosion, Strawberry (mine, not his) and Cookie Dough. Literal heaven. 

4. Face Masks. You know how I like to pamper myself. Lately my face has been crying out for love because I’ve reverted back to my teenage self and for some reason have zits. So not cool. But I’ve given my face some extreme TLC by listening to “No Scrubs” and investing in luxurious face masks. Some of which have been Glam Glow’s Super Mud treatment, Lush’s Brazened Honey, and Origin’s Active Charcoal mask. Despite looking like The Creature from the Black Lagoon while sporting said masks, my skin is grateful and in turn, so am I.

5. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yes I know this show isn’t the newest and doesn’t have the best looking cast per se, but it’s damn funny and shockingly true. My husband and I finally finished all 8 seasons and we’re sad that we reached the end of this Jew-y era (I can say that because I’m 16% Jewish). If you haven’t given this a watch, I highly suggest it.

That’s all folks! What are some of your faves this summer?

The Amazing Race Canada

No, I’m not going to try out for The Amazing Race. You clearly don’t know me at all. But I am here to make fun of the Canadian version.

So here’s the scoop if you’ve never watched terrible reality game shows before–The original Amazing Race was an American based show that took 10 12 20 (who cares?) teams around the world in a race-style competition. Teams were met with challenges and setbacks both from the game and from other team members. It was pretty entertaining and intense to watch (especially while you’re shoving pizza in your face and critiquing the contestant’s running style).

Canada, being the cute copy cat that it is, decided to make it’s own Canadian version. BUT, get this, instead of racing around the entire globe, contestants are limited to only racing throughout Canada. Like, is that a joke? It shouldn’t be called The Amazing Race Canada. It should be called The Eh-Okay Race or the Really Great Effort Race. Or the I’m Sorey Race.  But Amazing? I think not. The racers won’t even need passports! So, so lame.

And how many options do the game designers really have? Just because Canada is the second biggest country in the world, doesn’t mean they have a lot to show for themselves. I’m sure the contestants will be sent to Vancouver at least 3 times. And does anyone really want to go to Winnipeg? Yikes.

So yeah. Sad and desperate times over here in Canada. And I’ll tell you what, I’m having Nunavut. *ba dum tissss*

White Girls

quinoa salad mixed in bowls

dry ass chicken

avocados

 

instagram take your pics

tag me

hashtag

#route66

 

oprah’s chai tea latte

great

extension chords

moving upstate

 

dakota fanning

looks like hell

j’adore dior

super jell

 

hmm

yeah

sure

oh well.

 

 

 

 

 

Spring Favorites

If you’re a new follower, welcome to my seasonal favorites segment where I talk about the things that are currently bringing me joy this time of year. If you’re an old follower, I know, another stupid favorites post.

1. Sleep. In the past, my slumber meter was always filled to the brim. Now that I work I feel like I can’t get enough. I crave it. It will forever be one of my favorite things, but the past few months have taught me not to take it for granted.

2. Nylon Magazine. If you’ve never picked up a copy of Nylon, I feel bad for you son. I’ve got 99 problems and this magazine doesn’t really solve any of them but it’s still a fun read. The magazine got it’s name because it’s based out of New York and London. NY+LON. They focus on music, fashion, art, and talented people. They also have a men’s version called Nylon Guys. No one is excluded from the greatness that is Nylon.

3. Vivian Maier’s photos. Last month I went to the university theater and watched a documentary called Finding Vivian Maier. I’m sure you’ve heard of it because you’re just so in-the-know, aren’tcha? Anyway, it was amahzing and it really blew me away. In short, it’s about this guy who purchased a trunk at an auction house and it was full of black and white photos and papers that belonged to a Chicagoan woman, Vivian Maier. Her life is essentially traced in the film as the pictures unfold. It’s definitely worth a watch. It stuck with me.

4. Macarons. Not to be confused with coconut macaroons, French macarons give me life. They are the perfect shape and size and the best treat to give yourself when you’re feeling sad. Or happy. Or when you don’t feel anything at all. There is a store near me called Bon Macaron and they have made my life 100 times better. Merci macarons, merci.

5. Laying on the ground. I know you’re probably like, umm okay I’m done with this post. But honestly, when you’re running around all day it feels so nice to go out into the sunshine and lay out on the grass. It’s like the international sign for “I literally quit life” but it makes me feel good so just go with it.

6. Ink Master. Not one bit of my skin is tattooed. For some reason though, I love watching Ink Master. Not much is better than a reality show about tattoo artists being judged by Dave Navarro and company (Chris Nunez and Oliver Peck). SO much drama, so many sweet tats, and so many terrible ones. An extremely entertaining competition.

7. Stella and Dot Jewelry. Have you ever heard of Stella and Dot? It’s a company that sells jewelry online, but more commonly through trunk shows and jewelry parties. I’ve been to two parties and have spent hundreds of dollars on jewelry. Judge away. I cannot help myself. I march up the stairs to the houses telling myself that I’m not buying anything and the second I walk through the door I pull out my wallet. Just take all my money. Take it all.

What are some of your favorite things?

 

Analyzing Avril

If your eyes haven’t had the pleasure of watching Avril Lavigne’s new music video, “Hello Kitty”, you’re probably 84 years old and don’t own a computer. Or even know who Avril is. If that’s the case, would you be willing to trade lives with me?

The mistress of Nickelback has made the entire world cringe with her new song and “dance moves.” The song itself is kind of difficult to understand and not just because some of the lyrics are in Japanese. I’ve listened to the song twice now and all I call decipher are the words “Come come kitty kitty, you’re so pretty pretty.” The next poet laureate, perhaps?

I’d like to give Avril an ounce of credit and assume that someone else wrote this song for her and when she read the title, “Hello Kitty”, she was like, “Oh God. Really? Okay.” So maybe it’s not totally her fault. But I have to give her props for singing a song that makes “Sk8er Boi” sound like something performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

As for the music video, it’s painful to imagine that these are the BEST shots the director could get. Basically Avril dances around in cupcake tutus, blazers, and unflattering tights. She’s followed around by four identically dressed Japanese (I’m assuming) women who don’t look the least bit happy to be trailing this Canadian wannabe around all day. I imagine that the direction given to Avril on set was like “Okay can you just jump around or something? Maybe try to mouth the lyrics like you’re actually saying the words? Try to strum the guitar like you know how to play the guitar.” The beginning of the video seems like Avril is pretty into what she’s doing but by the end, it kind of falls apart. Her heart just isn’t in it. Which is probably a good thing.

If you care to ruin your life by watching this terrible POS, be my guest. CLICK HERE.

The Pros and Cons of Being a Working Woman

Now you have to understand that this list is from the point of view of someone who previously didn’t work for cough*her entire life*cough and is now a full time nanny. If you’re a little slow to the pick up, that someone is me. Your pros and cons list might be extremely different from mine. And probably way better too. Because everyone thinks they’re so frickin’ great these days.

Pro: I get to play and be silly.

Con: I have to wake up at an hour where playing and being silly is the equivalent to death.

Pro: Kids are super honest and you always know where you stand with them.

Con: I’d rather not know.

Pro: I don’t have to get dressed up.

Con: I don’t have to get dressed up 😦

Pro: I meet lots of fun kids every day.

Con: Fun kids can be flu carriers. Not fun.

Pro: I get to eat like a kid!

Con: I have to walk like a kid.

Pro: I don’t really have to work out because I’m on my feet all day.

Con: When I come home I want to murder everyone.

Pro: I make my own money!

Con: I have to spend my own money 😦

What’s the best thing about your job? What’s the worst?

Girl Crush of the Week: Iggy Azalea

So um, I know I haven’t been floating around the blogosphere lately, but I just had to get this post out of my system before it’s old news. I mean, technically my girl crush has been on the radar for some time now, what with her new music video being viewed 14.5 million times. I think 10 million of those views were by me. Whoops!

When female rapper Iggy Azalea’s new single “Fancy” was released, Tumblr was all a twitter. I’m sure Twitter was all a twitter too, but like, I only have so much time in the day to read other people’s thought processes. 

This Australian blonde bombshell really hooked me with her deep-toned rhymes and slick moves. I almost fainted when I clicked on her music vid and saw that it was inspired by one of my favorite movies of all time, Clueless. I’m cultured, I swear. To be perfectly honest, the music really fits the 90’s vibe that Clueless gives off. Many might disagree, but I’m going to be extreme and say that it’s the work of an artistic genius.

I did some research on Miss Azalea because I refused to believe that was her birth name. I was right. No one would name their daughter Iggy. But apparently some people do name their daughters Amethyst. That’s Iggy’s given name (according to Wiki, of course). She might be the first person in the history of time to have a stage name that’s more normal than her actual name. Little fun fact for ya.

The best thing about her perhaps, is that her appearance doesn’t fit her voice quality. At least in my humble opinion. It’s kind of fun to listen to her music first and then watch the music video afterwards. White female rappers are few and far between so it’s really refreshing to see her and listen to her skill set. Besides Iggy Azalea, the only white female rapper that I know of is myself. I usually perform behind steering wheels and in showers. Look out, Lil’ Lil might be coming to a venue near you!

So Long, Safeway

I’ve had a strange attachment to the grocery store Safeway ever since I moved to Canada. I think it’s because my home grocery store of choice was part of the Safeway chain, but it went under the name of Dominick’s. Dominick’s was a 2 minute drive from my house and, frankly, my happy place.

That grocery store gave me so much comfort. When my husband was visiting my hometown I took him inside and he said, “Oh it’s a Safeway” to which I replied, “Um no it’s Dominick’s.” But he was right, I just didn’t know it.

When I moved to Victoria, I found a Safeway close by and when I walked in, I almost cried. It was almost an exact replica of Dominick’s except for the fact that it was smaller and more Canadian. But still, it gave me a great feeling of comfort and familiarity. Any time I felt homesick, I could just enter those sliding glass doors and pretend I was in Dominick’s.

Recently the Safeway chain was taken over by a different company. When my mom told me that the Dominick’s by our house was closing down I had to have a moment of silence. That place had been such a staple in my youth. And then the harsh reality hit me–the Safeway in Victoria would soon close down as well. And it did.

My security blanket is gone. But it’s okay because I don’t need it anymore. I will survive without it because now my little corner of Canada is familiar to me. The whole town is my comfort. However, there will always be a place in my heart for Safeway.

Now I can totally relate to that saying, “If you love something, let it go.”

 

Stressed But Well Dressed

You know those cutesy little framed quotes meant to hang in your kitchen that say “Stressed is just desserts backwards!” Yeah, I hate that. It’s like, okayyy so if I eat a brownie my stresses are just supposed to flutter away? If anything, I think that would add to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Oh great, now I can’t eat dinner because I had a stupid brownie because this sign in my kitchen basically told me to.

I’m really just overreacting. I started nannying full time-ish and I’ve found that I have no time for myself, no time to clean, and no time to workout. I just want to sleep forever. How do people have kids and read books? Or have kids and write blog posts? Or have kids and vacuum? I honestly don’t understand. I don’t even have children of my own and I’m finding it hard to fit everything I want to do into one day.

Me, after work.

I do like the whole earning money aspect though. And sometimes, okay a lot of the time, the kids are pretty cute. And I’ve gotten an avalanche of compliments on my gold sparkly TOMS after hanging around playgrounds so much. They’ve been referred to as “princess shoes,” jus’ sayin’.

So no, it’s not all bad. One of the terrifying things though, is when the parents of other children on the playground think I’m one of them. “NO!” I want to scream. I’m going to look wayyyy more ragged and tired when I have kids. The fact that I could already pass as a parent scares me to no end. Also, I would hope that my future children would somewhat resemble me. How can people look at these kids with huge brown eyes and thick hair and assume I’m their mom? Does not compute.

I digress. If you haven’t seen me around the blogosphere lately, this is the reason. But I’ll try to pop my head in every so often to see what’s up. Is anything stressing you out lately?

Green-ify Your Life

In preparation for St. Patrick’s Day, I’ve decided to inspire the masses with a couple of ways to add a little green to their lives. In the final days leading up to St. Patty’s/Paddy’s Day, I’ll be featuring one category per post. Today’s category is art.

If you don’t have art in your house, you’re definitely gross and uncultured so you should probably fix that pronto. If you’re into the whole minimalist thing then just by a book of art and put it on your coffee table. Little tip: make sure you’re familiar with the works in the book before you let any company over.

It’s easy to be impressive when you have great copies of famous paintings in your house. Sometimes it’s best to stick to “safe” artists that everyone will recognize. This will not only make you look good, but it will also make your friends and family feel like they’re smart because they recognize the art on your wall.

Degas and Monet have the most green pieces to choose from, are the most pleasing to the eye (in my humble opinion), and are likely the most recognizable. Any of Monet’s watery bridge pictures are safe. Japanese Bridge (The Waterlily Pond) is probably his most famous work but if you want something slightly different than the norm, I’d go with Irises II.

The Japanese Bridge (Waterlily Pond)

Irises II

Degas’ The Green Dancer  works nicely in a feminine household. Same with his Rehearsal of the Scene. These impressionist works along with Monet’s would really grab attention in a sparse room. However, something like Manet’s Lilacs in a Vase has the same effect without stealing the show.

The Green Dancer

Rehearsal of the Scene

Lilacs in a Vase

If you like plant life, may I suggest these botanical framed prints? I have some sketches from a botanical calendar that I framed (okay my mom framed them for me) and hung on my wall. They’re low key yet sophisticated in their own way.

Not my wall, but you get the idea.

Van Gogh has plenty of works to chose from. Sticking with still life, his Vase with Roses is a good, unique choice that not everyone will recognize off the bat. His painting, Irises, is also a good choice as well as his Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear if your goal is to intrigue/horrify all of your guests. But I would stick with something like Cineraria in a Flowerpot just to play it safe.

Vase with Roses

Irises

Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear

Cineraria in a Flowerpot

If you’re the type who doesn’t have time for classic paintings and portraits I would go with something a little more fun. Maybe this cover of The New Yorker magazine from June 1960. Everyone likes a little bit of tennis, right? If not, maybe try this sweet and somber French cover of Amelie. Oui? Maybe you’re the bizarre type and would prefer this cover of Bazaar magazine. Scary lady? Check. Green butterfly? Also check.

The New Yorker Magazine 1960

Amelie Cover in French

Bazaar magazine cover

Lastly, if you’re into the ocean then these might be right up your alley. The ocean is both masculine and feminine, so pieces with this theme would be perfect in any home. Take Lia Melia’s awesome wave paintings. I love Songs of Melusina 4. If you like the female form then I would go with Clare Elsaesser’s Married to the Sea or Raphael Kirchner’s Mayflyes. But if mermaids and bathing beauties aren’t your thing, you might like the simplicity and realism of George Dmitriev’s The Moon and the Sea.

Song of the Melusina 4

Married to the Sea

Mayflyes

The Moon and the Sea

If you don’t like any of the above mentioned works, you’re wrong and I hate you.