Exercise, Games

Learning to Golf A.k.a. LOL

I am not a sporty person. I’d rather participate in individual events than having to depend on other teammates. Or worse, having people depend on me. That being said, there is one sport in particular that I am terrified of and that is golf. I could only dream of having the aid of teammates with this sport. But unfortunately I’m the only person who can help me. (I feel like I’m being really dramatic.) I mean, people can help me by giving me tips, but I have to figure out how to move my body properly. It would also help if I could hit the ball when I wanted to.

I always knew I would be terrible at golf. Some sports I look at and I’m like, okay I could do that. Like volleyball or tennis–I’m not great, hell, I’m not even good, but I can get away with looking like I know what I’m doing. Kind of. But whenever Paul watches golf, I get confused by so many things:

How do the golfers know where to aim? You can’t even see the flag from the beginning of each hole so like, do the golfer just guess where to swing? Unclear.

Why do there have to be so many different clubs? Can’t there just be one kind that works for every type of swing? Why do I have to learn which iron or wood to use? Why are there numbers involved? 9 irons? Drivers? Putters? How annoying.

Who decided 18 was an appropriate number for holes in a course? Did they realize that it takes hours upon hours to complete a full game? I mean, that’s cool if you like golf a lot, but do you still like it after 4 hours of playing? Probs not.

The one thing that I do approve of are the chic clothes that you get to wear. Lots of argyle and polos and plaids, oh my! So that’s fun.

I’ve only been to the driving range thrice in my life and one of those times was when I was twelve. The other two times were recently when Paul was trying to teach me some golf basics. Needless to say I’m the worst and try to stand far away from anyone else because I’m so embarrassed for myself.

Luckily I have a patient teacher. And I don’t even brag about how much better I am at putting than he is. Much.44812_10152744828415543_370389692_n

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canada, P0wning N3wbs

This is war

Hes like an angel. An angel named Shia.

Intense drama is happening over the border. The USA’s lovely Shia LeBeouf who starred in Even Stevens, Holes, Disturbia, and other movies that aren’t as good, was beaten up yesterday in Vancouver. I don’t know if Canadians have received the memo, but Shia is a gem amongst Americans. And he happens to be my first true love (sorry Paul). Imagine, I could have been Lily LeBeouf. Has a certain ring to it, dontcha think?

I can almost assume that Shia was minding his own business as he was leaving the pub where he was battered. I mean, he’s never been in trouble before (besides the time he was arrested in Chicago after refusing to leave a Walgreens….and that time that he got a DUI in LA). I feel bad for him. How would you like it if some fat Canadian man came up and started punching you? Sounds like my worst nightmare.

Canadians have to learn to control their obviously insane tempers. From now on, if anyone that I don’t know personally even tries to exchange glances with me, I am calling the authorities mounties. If Canada thinks they can unfairly attack our nation’s shining star (and my soul mate) then I am going to personally punch every celeb who has some connection to the great white north. I urge you to join me on this fight against evil.

Here’s the video of Shia basically fighting for his life:

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