canada, Exercise, living in canada

Profiling Canadians

Canada, much like the US, has different types of citizens. I’m not talking about races–more like different groups of the community. Here are the most prominent groups in my dissection of Canadians:

The Earth-Loving Hippies: Typically found throughout B.C. (lucky me) these folks practice yoga, use eco-friendly house cleaners (if they have houses) and drink oolong tea. Normally spotted wearing patchwork clothes and dreadlocks. They’re basically walking stereotypes of what hippies are. Often found playing sitars or mandolins in local coffee shops and spreading the word on how we, as humans, can help preserve our planet. These people terrify me.

Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

The Down-Home Industrious Type: These people are easily compared to the people of the Western and Southern States. Hard working, boot wearing, beer chugging people. They probably have the thickest Canadian accents, using words like “hoser”, “eh”, “canuck” and “aboot”. Usually found in “The Prairies” which include parts of Alberta, Manitoba, and Saskatchewan. I don’t know how to act around these types. I just start giggling at the first sign of a thick Canadian accent.

Rick Moranis and some other guy.

The Trendy Hipsters: Every country has them. Every country except maybe Poland. I can’t picture any Polish hipsters, but what do I know? These types are almost always 30 or younger and are found in and around big cities. Their favorite bands are ones that you haven’t ever heard of. And they buy their clothes from vintage stores in order to make them more unique than the other hipsters. They don’t drink Starbucks or eat at any mainstream restaurants. Quinoa and other next generation foods are consumed by this trendy crew. You wouldn’t understand their lifestyle. And frankly, why would you want to?

He's dressing like this ironically. If you don't understand the irony, then you don't understand life.

The Athletic, Rich, Middle-Aged Cool Cats: These people are the kind of people that the world loves to hate. They win everything, they’re naturally skinny, and they have the newest and best of everything. Basically all the characteristics I would want in a best friend. They’re always biking, or kayaking, or doing other skinny activities. They’re smart, have great jobs, yet they always have tons of time to do cool things. They make up a lot of Canada. For some reason there are tons of cool cats here and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Too much competition for me.

I can't decide if I hate them or if I want to be them. Can't it be both?

I think that’s a pretty good list. I mean, there’s only so many different types of people here. Most of them include types of people that I hate. Question of the century: Do I have really high standards, or do I just hate the world?


Festival Season

Not the most flattering look.

The music festival season is slowly approaching. Well, the season for good festivals is, anyway. I can’t think of any that take place in winter, but I’m sure they exist. Music festivals are great if you’re interested in seeing a lot of bands that you like in one fun-filled weekend. However, there are a lot of sketchy characters that go to these events. Out of the goodness of my heart, I’m going to give you a run down of the do’s and don’t’s of being an excellent attendee. So that you don’t end up looking like these guys.

Do be prepared to be sweaty and smelly. Depending on which fest you’re attending, you might end up covered in mud, sweat, tears, blood, alcohol, or crack. I know Glastonbury gets super muddy every year (which isn’t worth it in my opinion). Then after you’re all muddy, you don’t get to take a shower. You have to go back to your tent. I would probably spend the week crying myself to sleep.

Do dress appropriately. I’ve been to Lollapalooza twice. The first time I went, I worse dresses and cutesy things. For some reason I wore a white sweater on a day that it rained and some douche jumped in a puddle right behind me and speckled my sweater with mud. You better believe I whacked him with my umbrella a couple times. From that day on, I learned my lesson–I can be careful with my clothes all day long, but it only takes one unpredictable knucklehead to ruin my sweater/life.

Don’t be afraid to do your own thing. If you go with a group of people, take into consideration that they might want to see bands that you don’t. Unless you and your friends have the exact same taste in everything and are clones of each other, you’ll most likely have this problem. It’s good to split up and go off on your own. Just pick a meeting place, or else prepare to be lost forever.

Don’t buy merchandise. Unless your shirt is drenched in sweat or mud, try to avoid the purchase of concert t-shirts. I used to love collecting the t-shirts from shows that I went to, especially ones that had the tour dates on them. Until one day I realized that I was being super tacky. One time my brother got a t-shirt at Lolla. It was black and in bright yellow lettering it said “I am a Snoop Dog Millionaire”. I’m assuming he got it because he thought it was funny. But it’s haunted my dreams once or twice. Talk about being tickety tack.

Do stand at the back for some of the less popular shows. You don’t need to see every member’s face and take pictures of how sweaty they are. Just stand at the back and enjoy the tunes. Then you don’t have to push people out of the way when you want to leave to catch another band. The more you push people out of the way, the more likely you’ll get AIDS. Definitely try to get to the front for a headliner though!

Don’t transform into a hippie. I think Vanessa Hudgens is the biggest culprit of doing this at Coachella every year. Sometimes she dresses bohemian-y during the year, so I think she’s under the impression that she’ll pass as a hippie at the festival. Seriously? Eye paint?

Trying wayyy too hard.