Smiling Faces, Beautiful Places

Life is really a whirlwind, isn’t it? It’s almost 2015 and I feel like nothing has changed and everything is different at the same time.

I go to work every day. I have a job that I have fun going to. It wears me out, but I feel accomplished at the end of the day. A little stress never hurt anyone, right? I also get to see really great people day in and day out, which is kind of cool. I’m like a real adult now. It only took me 27 years.

I recently moved from an apartment to a condo *cue Drake’s “Started from the Bottom”* which is like, really exhausting. Granted it was probably more exhausting for the two men who transported everything I own with their bare hands, but like, I had to unpack it all so…yeah. Our new pad is pretty luxe–we have a dishwasher. Need I say more?

I’m also getting mentally prepared to go on a Hawaiian vacation with my family. I’ve never been to these magical islands that everyone speaks of, but they sound too good to be true. Is the recession still happening? Because my family didn’t get the memo, I guess. I’m not stoked quite yet though, only because I’ve had a rough go with United flights this year and of course I’m booked with my arch rival airline. In a moment of weakness, after my last flight was cancelled, I tweet-yelled at their company. Yikes?

That’s all the news that’s fit to print. What’s new with you?

4/20

For some reason the date April 20th is National Pot Smokers Day. Who decided this? Why do pot smokers need their own day? They get to relax all the time! Seems unfair.

I never smoked pot. I tried to smoke cigarettes but I couldn’t really figure out the whole breathing smoke into my lungs thing. How are people so good at harming their bodies?! I feel like I should have been given this gift, but alas, I have not. So I didn’t even try smoking pot because apparently it makes you cough even if your doing it right.

I went on a run last night (I know) and I could smell someone smoking weed around me. The only two people I was approaching were this older, well to do couple. It had to be them. Unless one of them likes Eau de Cannabis, I’m pretty sure they were tokin’ like a pair of teenagers. During this part in my run, I was getting pretty exhausted (5 minutes in) and I had to cough, but I didn’t want them to think that I was coughing because they reeked of pot and that was a way of me telling them that they’re gross. So I held in my cough until they were far enough behind me that I felt safe. Should there be an age limit on pot smokers? I feel like once you reach 40, it’s seems kind of desperate. Like, grow up dude. Although I’m 24 and I still say dude.

I guess you could say that people in my high school were into weed. And by into weed I mean they dressed in patchwork clothes and talked about jam bands. Those kinds of people. But I loved them. They were always super nice and appreciated my sense of humor. Although I think they appreciated any attempt at humor.

Always havin' a good time.

My friend went to Hawaii a couple of years ago and she traveled for hours to go see some natural wonder that I’ve forgotten the name of. While she and her family were deep in the Hawaiian jungles (does Hawaii have jungles?) they saw Woody Harrelson smoking a doobie. He saw them and literally ran away. That’s how I remember the story being told. I feel like a lot of celebrities do this. Remember when Miley Cyrus was caught smoking pot and her publicists made up a drug that “definitely wasn’t marijuana.” So Miley just happens to be the only one into salvia right? And salvia has all of the same effects that pot does except that it’s not illegal? Look, my spell check doesn’t even recognize the word salvia. I don’t know what kind of fast one her publicists think they pulled, but they weren’t fooling anyone. Miley should have taken the Woody Harrelson approach and booked it outta there.

I feel like I’m on the island of misfit tokers over here. Everyone does it. The oldies, the young ones, and everyone in between. Why is it so prominent here? Are they better at growing it? Someone please give me answers!

Why are people like Bob Marley and Willie Nelson considered pot smoking gods? Both of these men severely freak me out. Not Bob as much as that inbred Willie. Celebrities are definitely into the ganja. It’s probably so easy for them to obtain. Michelle Phillips from The Mamas and the Papas said in 2001 “Marijuana should definitely be legalized. I think we should let everyone smoke it without fear of being thrown in jail. It’s the greatest drug in the world!” Oh Michelle you messed up creep. Anyone that was married to John Phillips, destroyer of Mackenzie Phillips’ life is not someone I would take advice from.

Barf.

So whats the consensus? Weed–good or bad? How are you going to celebrate 4/20? I’m going to celebrate by watching Finding Nemo on mute and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. And surrounding myself in tie dye. So trippy.

What’s the point of Alaska?

"Please don't make me live in Canada" - Every Husky

I finally arrived home. I know you were all really worried about me. Dry your tears–I’m safe and sound in the Land of the Free and the home of Mickey D’s. On our flight from Seattle to Chicago, Paul and I sat next to a man from Alaska. And when I say man, I mean cowboy. And when I say cowboy, I mean that he smelled like beer and dirt.

While trying to avoid the cowboy’s bloodshot eyes, I started thinking about Alaska. Alaska is basically in Canada. Do we really need 50 states? I think we should give Alaska to Canada as a sign of trust and payment for all of the future oil that we’re going to steal from their oil sands. Yes, Canada has oil in it’s sand. I could be living in a very wealthy country some day, folks!

But in all seriousness, do Americans pay attention to Alaska? No. Would we care if Alaska was missing? No. Would care if every Alaskan was held hostage? Probs not. So why do we need it? Isn’t that just wasting more of our money? Downsizing seems so smart. Isn’t that a trend? America is like the TLC show Hoarders, and Alaska is burying us alive. Actually, it’s just setting off my OCD because it’s not connected to the mainland. I’m willing to make an exception for Hawaii. I’ve never been to Hawaii but I saw “The Descendants” and “Lilo and Stitch” so I think I’m able to make a fair judgement call on this one. Hawaii stays.

This guy on the plane said that he was helping rebuild one of the first (and only, I’m guessing) cement sailboats. If that’s the kind of stuff they’re doing in Alaska, then maybe we should just dump it on Canada and let them support Alaska. Also, Canada would be over-accepting of Eskimos. They would probably only refer to them as Inuits like the politically correct people they are. And don’t act like they wouldn’t enjoy having 700,000 more members of Canadian society. Perfect solution.