March Madness

I know I’m kind of late on the uptake, but I thought I would share my tips and tricks on choosing teams for March Madness brackets. Keep in mind that I’ve never made a bracket before because it’s not fair for me to use my all-knowing powers to take people’s money. But I do enjoy saying the word bracket.

And let me just point out that I love the alliteration that March Madness forces on everyone.

If you’re having trouble choosing between two schools and can’t tell who’ll win, first study the team. And by team, I mean the uniforms. If one of the teams has awful uniforms and the other has a nice color combo, unique lettering, or cute warm-ups, then you know you have a winning team. Like, isn’t it obvious that Colorado State would win with their emerald green uniforms over Missouri’s weird yellow ones? Duh.

If the team uniforms are equally classy or equally awful, judge the mascots. A mascot can really define a team. For example, in the Oregon vs. Saint Louis game on Sunday, you know that Saint Louis will lose terribly because their mascot is a Billiken. It’s like, really? You are going to be a losing team with a stupid mascot like that. Why would you even be a university with a Billiken representing you? I’m assuming none of you know what a Billiken is, which is good. I’m going keep you in the dark with this one because your life will be way better without knowing. So mark my words, Oregon will win. (And if they don’t, that Billiken is obviously some kind of devil charm.)

I can’t even explain the nightmares I’m going to have.

If you still can’t make up your mind, you’re clearly really indecisive and shouldn’t be betting your money. Another way you can tell which team will be victorious is by judging the school/city/state. For example, in the New Mexico vs. Harvard game, I think it was pretty obvious that Haaavard was going to win. Who even lives in New Mexico? Bad basketball players, that’s who.

Lastly, if all else fails, go with your gut. Sometimes dumb luck works. But don’t blame me when you’re out $200 because you bet on Minnesota instead of UCLA.

This is a House of Learned Doctors

My entire school career.

When I was in school, I didn’t try as hard as I could have. And by school, I mean high school – university. I never took anything super seriously, unless I was really interested in it. I picked my major by determining it was the subject that I hated the least. I liked the idea of school–getting ready, going to class, interacting with teachers and students, etc. But when it came down to the work, like most people, I hated it.

It’s weird looking back because I think, “Oh, if I was in school now, I would be so enthusiastic and give everything my all.” But would I? I think I said the same thing most years before school started. “Okay I’m ready for a fresh start.” Sooner or later my fresh start would become rotten.

Imagine going back to school having all of the knowledge that you’ve have accumulated since then. Easily Harvard material.

I think its hilarious when students write their papers the night before and get top marks. Only because I’ve done this. It’s the ultimate best when teachers warn you to start the project or essay months before and say that you’ll fail otherwise. Challenge accepted. Most of my teachers told our class that if we used wikipedia they would be able to tell, and it would be wrong. Welp, I used wikipedia in almost every paper, and guess what? They couldn’t tell, and I was right. Sign of brilliance.

The only reason I have studying on the brain is because Paul has to take about 5 conversion tests for his degree. Because we got our degrees in England, he has to convert his to the Canadian system. Whereas I don’t because I’m great. I feel bad though because he’s been studying so hard and I’ve been laying around watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York. Don’t judge me. Or do.

 

The Doctor Is In

I think its about time that everyone was introduced to Dr. Kenford Nedd.  Every so often my TV-watching schedule is blessed with a 1 minute session (commercial) from the doc. Dr. Ken Nedd has been practicing family medicine for 20 years, so he’s pretty much a genius in his field. And by genius, I mean…not-genius. He specializes in stress relief. Let me give you an example of what I see on a day to day basis:

Besides scaring the crap out of me, he has a point. Unfortunately, I have come across that point a little less than a hundred times in my life. Like, really? That’s your one minute? You have one minute on-air and that’s the lesson you choose? The only epiphany I have after these commercials is that I should’ve become a doctor of family medicine because it seems incredibly straight-forward. Also, it seems like I could be a Harvard professor as well since the study that he contrived is the most obvious thing known to man.

Maybe I have trouble taking him seriously because his name is Dr. Ken Nedd. Also because he’s being over-enthusiastic to the point of disbelief. No one is that excited about doing something unselfish. Except Jesus. And that’s why we celebrate his birthday unselfishly by giving gifts to other people (and secretly hoping that we get everything off of our lists that we unselfishly made for ourselves).

I appreciate having a minute with a doctor without leaving my couch, but I just think it should be a little more worthwhile. My minutes are precious, doctor.