School

My Carbon Footprint

Science was never my thing. And by “never my thing” I mean that I loathe it. Earth Science=rocks are dumb. Physics = velocity squared times I don’t care. Chemistry = Periodic Table of Death. Biology = the bane of my existence. I only failed one class during my college career and that was Bio. I re-took it and got a D-. I was clearly enthused about learning. Photosynthesis and cells and plant life are sooooooo boring. I have no time for that. However, I believe that my teacher initially failed me for one reason and one reason only–the size of my carbon footprint.

Me in every science class.

I have pretty big feet. And you know what big feet mean…big shoes! Hah yeah everyone makes that joke, but it’s somehow funnier when I say it, don’tcha think? My size 11 feet make pretty large footprints, so shouldn’t it make sense that my carbon footprint would be above average? It seems pretty straight forward.

My teacher made us take a quiz online to measure our carbon footprint. I printed mine out and brought it to class. I answered the questions as honestly as I could. Here’s an example of a question:

What energy sources do you use in your home? Check all that apply.

Electricity.

Natural gas, propane, or liquified petroleum gas.

Heating oil.

Wood burning biomass.

Being a completely normal person, I only checked electricity and moved on. I mean come on, heating oil? I’m not Amish. Wood burning biomass? WTF is that?

When I got my quiz results it said:

Ughghh really? This is the opposite of impressive. Maybe my teacher won’t judge me, I thought. Oh, she judged me alright. She judged me good and hard. I tried talking to her and I even pretended that I was interested in mitosis! But even my greatest brown-nosing failed me. I was disappointed for like 5 minutes and then I got over it. I realized that I am who I am and if that means I’m single handedly destroying our planet, then so be it.

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