Movies, Music, TV

People Named Lily Who Aren’t As Cool As Me

The title of this post pretty much says it all. The name Lily is becoming more and more popular which means that there are more and more people making a disgrace of what it means to be a Lily. Let’s explore some people who have been blessed with a beautiful name, but have tarnished it in one way or another.

Lily Allen. I don’t mind Lily Allen as much as one would assume. I definitely think she could look cuter–she’s been in fashion police one too many times for a fellow Lily. Her dad is a musician so it’s safe to assume that she played the nepotism card. I don’t disapprove of this as much as I do of her fake accent. She puts on a bit of a rougher East End accent which is unfortunate. Don’t dumb yourself down! Her lyrics and melodies are fun, but she hasn’t won a Grammy so it’s impossible for me to be fully proud of her. She did win a Download Music Award though. Whatever that means.

The one and only good picture of her.

Lily Collins. Daughter of yep…Phil Collins. Okay I think Lily Collins is really pretty. She has crazy eyebrows which I’m kind of jealous of. But then I remember that her dad is Phil Collins and I’m like okay ew. She’s starting to embrace a career in acting. You might remember her as the daughter in The Blind Side. Remember how her name was Collins in the movie? It all makes sense now! She was also in that really bad movie with Taylor Lautner called Abduction that no one had to see in order to know that it was really bad. Now she’s playing Snow White in Mirror Mirror, not to be confused with the similar film Snow White and the Huntsman. Despite Mirror Mirror adding even less credibility to her resume than Abduction, I’d rather accept her into the Lily club than the lead in Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen “I look like I’m going to barf” Stewart.

Those brows!

Lily-Rose Melody Depp. Yes, Johnny Depp’s daughter. Lily-Rose literally has no accomplishments. She’s a girl after my own heart, really. Johnny Depp is the only one that adds any credit to her existence. It’s possible that she’ll grow up being exclusively in Tim Burton films and having a huge gap-toothed smile like her mom, Vanessa Paradis.

Lily Tomlin. What Lily Tomlin lacks in good looks, she definitely makes up for in talent and humor. At least she’s been in roles that are recognizable! She’s been in almost every TV show from Frasier to Sesame Street to Desperate Housewives. My only problem with this is that she seems kind of desperate. Slow down crazy, slow down! You’re old so you don’t really need money or things any more so why don’t you just relax and chill out?

And for the love of all that is holy, get a makeover.

Lily Cole. She’s a model/actor. She could have won one of those Slashie awards in Zoolander! She’s got a really unique face, but she ruins it by being a super ginger. BUT she’s 5′ 10 so she’s definitely helping the tall Lily population. Lily Cole goes to Cambridge, so she’s like, really smart. BUT she posed nude in Playboy. She’s only been in one really big movie which was The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. As much time as it takes to figure out how to pronounce the title, is about the same length as the movie itself–3 hours. You also feel like you’re on Ecstasy the whole time. And Heath Ledger killed himself during the making of the movie because he hated it so much. True story.

Honorable Mention: Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother. I know that Lily Aldrin isn’t a real person, but she’s doing a lot of harm to the name Lily. The character is played by Alyson “no lips” Hannigan. Another ginger. I like that in the show she’s married to Jason Segel’s character Marshall. Unfortunately, during her college years she was goth–dyed black hair and all. She’s just a really weird character and she never has any good lines. At least none that I can remember since the last time I watched it in 2009.

Is there any celebrity that shares your name that really disrespects everything your name stands for?

Feelings, Food, Judging, Music

Dear Adele, What the Hell?

I think by now we all know who Adele is. She seems like a cool person, but of course, I’ve found a reason to not like her. Well, it’s not that I don’t like her. I’m just questioning her existence.

Adele famously said,

I love food and I hate exercise. I don’t have time to work out…I don’t want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue. I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Q. I’m not a trendsetter…I’m a singer…I’d rather weigh a ton and make an amazing album than look like Nicole Richie and do a shit album. My aim in life is never to be skinny.

Hmm this seems like a sensitive subject for Adele. I’m going to dissect this quote so all of you can be bothered by Adele too.

“I love food and hate exercise.” Oh really? How strange. I’ve never met anyone in life who has that problem. Come on Adele. Who doesn’t love food? No one. I get that she’s trying to be relatable, but isn’t that too relatable? Oh you love food and hate exercise? There’s a club for that–it’s called everyone in the entire world.

“I don’t want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue.” Okay again, Adele, no one wants to be on the cover of Playboy. That’s a sign of desperation. And as for Vogue, can beggars be choosers? I mean, no one has to put you on the cover of anything. Oh wait, look. What’s this?

You look like you’re having an alright time on the cover of two different copies of Vogue. Did you tell them that you didn’t want to be on the cover when they called you up?

“I’d rather weigh a ton and make an amazing album than look like Nicole Richie and do a shit album.” Good news! You can actually be skinny AND make a good album! It’s been done before, I’m sure it will be done again. I mean, look at Amy Winehouse. She was super skins and she had an awesome voice. Granted, she died. But still.

“My aim in life is never to be skinny.” Hmm that’s interesting. It seems like you’ve lost quite a bit of weight. I mean, it might be because you have a new boyfriend, or because you wanted to look good at the Grammy’s knowing that you would win everything, or it might be because you realize that being overweight doesn’t make you happy. You don’t have to be super skinny or really overweight. There’s a happy medium for everyone. Just don’t be so crabby about it.

Also, your chin creeps me out.