Betrayal

Dear Kitchen Knife,

We’ve always gotten along. I trusted you, I understood you, and I treated you with care. You were my knife of choice. Whenever I needed to cut meat or vegetables, you were there for me. I cleansed you when you were dirty. I dried you when you were wet. I put you away when you were lost.

The reason I mention these memories is because I’m confused. I treated you with the utmost care and respect only to have the delicate skin of my finger ravaged by your blade today. I am aware that things may have been a bit beyond your control. My husband may or may not have gotten carried away while sharpening your blade as he mimicked Gordon Ramsay. He also may or may not have warned me about the sharpness of your new and improved blade. He also may or may not have demonstrated the sharpness of said blade on a tomato while I watched and said “Oh cool.” Nevertheless, cutting my finger was uncalled for and rude. 

The problem might lie in the fact that you don’t know your own strength. Not only did you cut me, but you cut right through the sponge I was using to wash you. You used to like being washed. Did people kick Jesus in the face when He washed their feet? Maybe on accident if He was too tickle-y. I digress. The sponge did nothing to you. And you destroyed him. Granted, his time was almost up anyway, BUT STILL. You do not control what goes on in my kitchen. You don’t make the rules.

Note: I feel like I don’t know how to properly wash knives.

I’m sorry to say that I will have obvious trust issues with you from here on out. Until you become dull and useless like your old self, I will be forced to use another, less aggressive knife.

Love,

Lily

Tough People With Good Hearts

Jillian Michaels, Gordon Ramsay, and Tabatha Coffey. When most people think of these gems they think: harsh, mean, and loud. I, cannot disagree with that. For some reason, however, I am comforted by them. There is something about these three that rings true to me. They will scream at people, walk out on them, and maybe even call them stupid. But the fact of the matter is, deep down, they’re trying to help people. Instead of fighting for them, they help people fight for themselves.

Jillian Michaels is one tough cookie. She was my introduction into tough people with good hearts. I’m sure I’ve met others throughout my life that are like her, but on a much smaller scale. When I would watch The Biggest Loser contestants on her team I would say “Ha! Good luck!” as I wolfed down a third brownie. But honestly, I think she had the best team results on the show. She really drove people to do the best the could. Of course she’s made contestants cry and scream, but in the end, I think they were thankful for having her push them that hard. Jillian Michaels famously said, “Unless you puke, faint, or die, keep going!” Soooo my death will be what makes you say “Okay maybe we should take a break.”? Good to know.

“DO YOU WANT TO BE FAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE???” Umm if it means you’ll stop yelling at me, sure.

Gordon Ramsay knows his stuff when it comes to the kitchen and he has no tolerance when others don’t. He’ll slam down sloppily made dishes and he’ll kick out people who talk back and make excuses. He has a soft side though. I’ve seen it. When I was watching Hotel Hell (apparently he knows a lot about the hotel business as well??) last week, he came across this young man working in a crappy hotel kitchen. He connected with the guy so much that Gordon offered to pay all of his college tuition for him just so he could get the opportunities he needed to do great things. Hey may call people “f-ing donkeys”, but I think he’s a good person.

Do people actually use knife sharpeners?

Tabatha Coffey looks as if she’s about to bite your head off at all times. Ms. Coffey is perhaps the least popular of the bunch. She stars on the show, Tabatha’s Salon Takeover where she helps sinking salons find their place in the business again. Of course there’s a lot of drama involved. She gets in some great fights. I”m recommending some quality television, so take note. At the end of each episode, the salon owners and employees are so thankful that she came and rescued their dying shop. Tabatha makes people feel more confident and in control. Unless they’re stupid and don’t listen to her. In which case she’ll pull a Donald–“You’re Fired!”

And I give you the blonde version of Kris Jenner.

I’m sure in real life I would be extremely turned off by these three toughies. Maybe the reason I like them so much is because I’m safe in my house, watching them through a screen.

Summer Favorites

If you don’t already know, I’ve made seasonal lists explaining what my favorite things are. I have one for last Fall, Winter, and Spring. They may be a little out-dated now, but still worth a looksy.

1. Reality Cooking Shows. I usually have no interest in watching people slave over a hot kitchen. Especially when their delicious food isn’t available for me to stuff in my mouth. BUT, I’ve really been into Hell’s Kitchen, Food Network Star, and…um…Top Chef…Canada. They’re all great for different reasons. Hell’s Kitchen is awesome because it’s basically Gordon Ramsay telling the competitors to “piss off”. Food Network Star is good because it’s kind of like Top Chef, where they have creative food challenges, but the competitors are fighting for their own show on Food Network. Which is a crazy big prize. So not only do they have to be good at cookin, but they have to be good lookin too. Just kidding. They have to act natural in front of the camera. But being good looking should also be part of the criteria.

Chef Ramsay doing what he does best.

2. New email accounts. No, I’m not going to share my password with you, but I am going to use this as an explanation of why I’ve been so distant. Around the time that I wrote my 200th post, I changed my email server from AOL to Gmail. YES, I still had AOL after all this time. I swear I was one of the only ones. Why change a good thing? Well, AOL became slow and annoying. I honestly never want to hear “You’ve Got Mail!” ever again. Unfortunately, when I changed my email, I think I messed up my WP subscriptions. I haven’t been getting any emails when someone writes a new post, so I’m sorry if I haven’t been to your blog in a bit–I’m taking a mini vacation.

3. Mini Vacations! It’s been a long time since I’ve been on vaycay. And by long, I mean it’s been about a year. So it’s actually been a normal amount of time. BUT I’ve been planning a fun getaway with my fam. Nothing too crazy or abnormal. I’m keeping it a secret though until I get back because I want it to be a surprise when I write all about it.

4. Roald Dahl’s Collected Short Stories. You guys know how I feel about short stories. Roald Dahl was a master of them. I’m eating up this book–every single story is good. I don’t know how he did it. Some of Roald Dahl’s most popular stories are, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Matilda, James and the Giant Peach, The Witches, and Fantastic Mr. Fox. Those are all great stories. But the tales in his book make my stomach turn at the end of each one. He had a very dark sense of humor, so naturally I have a huge crush on him. Yes, he’s dead.

5. Super Paper Mario. Some of you may be familiar with the game Super Mario. Other, more experienced gamers may have heard of Paper Mario (N64), but only the coolest gamers (me) have played Super Paper Mario. This is a game for the Wii system. It’s pretty fun because you can change the graphics to go back and forth between 2D and 3D. I would recommend it if you like Mario games. The only downfall is the storyline which is so annoying. There’s so much explanation after you finish each section of the game. Ughh.

Cool graphics, right?

6. Not Watching The Tour de France.