P0wning N3wbs

Burgers Bein’ Thrown

I pledge allegiance to the golden arches.

I can’t believe I didn’t write about this sooner! Near Victoria, a man went to the McDonald’s drive-thru and ordered 6 burgers. You know something is already off with this guy because no one orders 6 burgers. Unless he has 5 family members that all have the exact same order, or he’s just immensely fat. Either scenario would make him a creep/pedophile.

After he gets his order, he storms inside and tells the employees that his food isn’t hot enough. Sorry mister, but have you ever had the pleasure of dining at Mickey D’s before? Nothing is hot except for the fries. Also, things tend to cool when you throw them down your gullet at warp speed.

The kind servants at McDonald’s re-made his entire order from scratch. JK, they just threw some more burgers in a bag and hoped for the best. I should work there. The unnamed man took a bite out of a new burger, spit it out like a caveman, and “hurled the bag of burgers at the manager.”

You have to be out of your mind to make a scene at McDonald’s. This is an establishment where people come to eat their feelings, not dine like kings. Have you ever seen someone look at their BigMac like it’s a quality meal? No. They frown and give a I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this-again look.

The report notes that the crazy man was arrested and set up with a court date. The manager was not hurt by the bag of burgers. He’s pretty much the hero of our generation.


Mickey D’s

I'm not lovin this.

McDonald’s is everywhere. Most children are introduced to McDonald’s when they leave the womb. Lets be real: McDonald’s is the best worst food ever. The only places that have a lack of Micky D’s goodness are Greenland, the Middle East, and pretty much all of Africa (but they barely have clothes so lets cut them some slack……….or lets not. I’m pretty sure some McDonald’s locations would solve their AIDS prob).

In all of the countries that I’ve visited, I was not surprised when I saw the popular chain make an appearance. They’re all pretty much the same, but I’ve heard a rumor that McDonald’s in Japan have sushi!  And we can’t forget about the Royale with Cheese. And I guess in the German locations they serve beer. Which seems illegal and fun.

None of these changes bother me as much as what Canada does to their McDonald’s. In the middle of the Golden Arches, Canada has decided to put a tiny maple leaf. Was that really necessary? No other country does that with their flag. All of the countries in the world (besides the losers–I’m talking to you Greenland) bond by having the same restaurant. I think that’s what Winston Churchill was talking about when he mentioned our “Special Relationship”.

But once again Canada ruined it. Really though? When I caught a glimpse of that maple leaf I think I did a quadruple take. It just seems un-American. Oh wait.