Lily Playing Jeopardy

Every weeknight my husband watches Jeopardy and I join him on occasion. I have trouble answering a lot of the questions, or questioning a lot of the answers, as you do on Jeopardy. Sometimes I’ll be familiar with a category and start thinking of possible answers before the questions are even asked. By doing so, I manage to make Jeopardy the least fun activity ever.

Let’s say someone picks the category Bible Books By Story. Here’s what it would be like to watch with me:

Some loser on the show named Sheila or something dumb: I’ll take Bible Books for $200 Alex.

Me: Ugh don’t call him Alex.

Alex: A great fish swallows a reluctant prophet.

Me: Who is John?

Sheila: Who is Jonah?

Alex: Correct!

Me: Oh yeah. I knew it started with a ‘J’.

Sheila: Let’s continue the category for $400.

Me: Yes, let’s.

Alex: Moas and boas are loaded into Noah’s ark.

Me: John?

Sheila: What is Genesis?

Alex: Right!

Me: Oh yeah. I forgot about that one.

Sheila: Bible Books for $600 please.

Alex: 3 friends are thrown into a fiery furnace.

Me: I’m gonna go with John.

Sheila: What is Genesis?

Alex: No sorry.

Me: HAH you already guessed Genesis you loser. Geeze Sheila, figure out the Bible already.

Sheila: Bible Books $800.

Alex: Shamgar, one of the title arbiters, kills 600 Philistines with an ox goad.

Me: Wtf is an ox goad? I’m pretty sure that was John.

Sheila: What is Judges?

Alex: Yes!

Me: Calm down Alex.

Sheila: Finish the category please.

Alex: Thomas doubts the other Apostles have really met the risen Jesus.

Me: John?

Shelia: Idk

Alex: Ooo sorry. The answer is John.

Me:

Forever Traumatized

I’m a fan of scary movies. Granted, I’m always the one in the theater with my feet up on the seat, hiding behind my knees and whispering to the person next to me “Tell me when it’s over.” Afterwards, I go home and run as fast as I can to my bed because I don’t want any murders to get me. We all know blankets are the best form of protection. No one’s gonna get me if I’m safe in my bed! So realistic.

It’s funny because I can watch really gross stuff, but some of the most tame things can frighten me. Every now and then certain scenes from movies or TV shows will register with me in such a negative way that I won’t be able to ever erase them from my memory. A lot of the time they aren’t even scary. They’re just super bizarre and my brain can’t take it.

I’m going to share some music videos that have slightly disturbed me over the years. Laugh all you want, but just know that my dreams are being haunted.

Don’t Come Around Here No More – Tom Petty. This is a great song. But I simply cannot deal with a real life Alice in Wonderland turning into cake and being eaten by a Mad Hatter Tom Petty. In no way is that right. Tom Petty’s face is scary enough already. But when he’s in an oversize outfit and drinking an abnormally large tea, I just feel uncomfortable.

Land of Confusion – Genesis. Everything about this makes me want to throw up on Genesis. Why would they put these images in my head? First of all, puppets are scary as hell. Just no. The only thing I can stand puppets in is the movie The Labyrinth. Only because David Bowie’s greatness (barely) negates the atrocity of using puppets as actors. The only thing worse than one puppet, is hundreds of puppets. And that’s basically what Land of Confusion is–a lot of puppets. Which genius thought of that idea? A world full of puppets is what I imagine hell to be like. Jim Henson is clearly messed up and has absolutely no friends. Jason Segel is unfortunately following in his footsteps. I thought there was hope for him. But nope. He’s doing weird Muppet movies, so now he’s on my list of questionable people.

Tonight Tonight – The Smashing Pumpkins. There are things about this music video that I appreciate. I love the song. I also like that they’re paying homage to one of the first movies ever made, A Trip to the Moon (1902). Yeah, that’s right, I took Film Crit. The moon in both the movie and the music video is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. Hands down. A blurry, old-fashioned Billy Corgan and crew play their instruments lethargically in the night sky, outlined by stars. There is honestly no other way to describe it.

The lead couple in the video journey to the moon and are attacked by moon imps. They end up  jumping to the bottom of the ocean where they’re attacked by a fish and eventually saved by Poseidon (or Neptune if you’re Roman). The whole thing is just too much for me to handle during this delicate stage in my life.

I’m sure there are an insane amount of creepy music videos. But these really make me cry inside. Has anything that you’ve seen freaked you out lately?