Blake Lively, prepare to enter a world of hate.

Ryan could have told Blake that her hat choice makes her look like an alien. But he didn't. Atta boy.

For some reason one of my favorite Canadian men enjoys playing with my heart. As I was flipping through the bible aka People Magazine I saw something so disturbing. Cozy in Canada: “Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds take their budding romance north of the border to the actor’s hometown. Vancouver, December 21st.”

First of all, Ry Ry is clearly trying to get my attention. Bringing Blake to Vancouver is such an act of desperation. He was obviously trying to scare her off by showing her his Canadian roots. Clearly, she took note from my blog by dressing the part of the city she visited. Bag lady chic is ALL THE RAGE right now, Blake. I think Ry is holding her hand in the picture because he didn’t want to accidently lose her and then be forced into American prison where I might never see him again. Smooth move.

I almost feel like I can relate to ScarJo right now. And by almost, I mean thank goodness I’ve never had rebound relationship with Sean Penn. Sick.

The Green Lantern co-stars apparently went shopping for cupcakes and clothes. Is Ryan Blake’s puppy? This outing seems abusive. Speaking of The Green Lantern, did anyone actually see it? For some reason I skipped that one. Let’s check Blake Lively’s repertoire, shall we? Remember, she’s an award winning actress (I think she won a Kid’s Choice Award. That’s the award shaped like a surfboard. Cute.):

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 AND 2: A very unrealistic story about Blake Lively and America Ferrera being able to wear the same jeans.

GossipĀ Girl: A TV show about Leighton Meester’s character hating Blake Lively’s character. I approve of this show.

The Town: A movie where Ben Affleck wears a nun mask and robs banks. Blake Lively plays herself.

The Green Lantern: A story about a mediocre super hero (sorry Ryan) that wears a magic ring. Blake Lively plays a girl named Carol. Yes, Carol. Also, Peter Saarsgaard plays the bad guy. Surprise, surprise.

I’m sure Ryan thinks that he’s triggering my sensitivities, but puh-leeze! Blake is just going to break his heart the same way ScarJo did. He’ll come crawling back to me soon.