T-Give 2012

I wrote about Canadian Thanksgiving last year and I didn’t hold back on the insults. This year, I’m going to take some time to write about what I’m grateful for. Weird, I know. We can pretend that we’re sitting around the table saying what we’re thankful for except that it’s all about what I’m thankful for and you’re not really a part of it.

My family. They are the coolest. Most of you know mi madre. She’s pretty much WordPress famous. But not the kind of WordPress famous where you get Freshly Pressed. All the cool people haven’t been Freshly Pressed. It’s true! If you haven’t been Freshly Pressed, you must be pretty cool. And offensive. My brother is also cool. He’s a way better writer than I am. I don’t know why he doesn’t blog more. Or at all. And my dad is also, surprisingly, very cool. He does all the things. Each member of my family is located somewhere different, but we’re all still a perfect unit. I am pretty lucky that way.

Is it just me or is the black kid being segregated?

My husband. I still think it’s weird that I have a husband. It’s almost like I’m old or something. Without my husband I would be super sad. I tried being without him once after I met him and I didn’t like it one bit. He’s a hard worker and a kind fellow that takes care of me. It’s a big job, you know, taking care of me.

My friends. I really like my little groups of friends that I have all over the world. I am drawn to people that I don’t have to spend time with 24/7. I like being able to pick up right where I left off. My friends from Chicago were always so cool with me living in England and only seeing me during the holidays. I never felt pressure to stay anchored to one place.  I also like that my friends don’t take me too seriously and ignore me when I say dumb things and laugh at all of my jokes. I never wanted to have the most friends. I just wanted to have a few good ones.

Blogging. Blogging has opened up so much of the world to me. It’s weird because I never would’ve thought that writing could lead to friendships and learning and laughing. But I have so many people that can see who I truly am on here even when I say dumb things and offend everyone on the internet.

Diet Pepsi: You might be wondering why this is on my list. Diet Pepsi has been a part of my life since I can remember. Actually, I think my dad put some in my bottle once. So technically, it’ss been a part of my life since I can’t remember.

Laughing. Laughing and making people laugh are two of my favorite things ever. You can’t buy laughter. You can fake it, but true, genuine laughter is euphoric. I love being able to make any situation, no matter how serious or painful, funny. It’s a gift, really.

What are you thankful for this year?

Luna, The Whale.

I watched an amazing movie last weekend called The Whale. It’s a true story that takes place right of the coast of Vancouver Island (that’s where I live!) in Nootka Sound. The story is narrated by my lover Ryan Reynolds because he comes from the land up north and knows the story of Luna the whale well.

All Orca whales travel in pods. It’s true, ask them. The Whale, however is a story about an orca that gets separated from it’s pod at the age of two years old. In the movie they compare Luna’s situation to a child that’s meandering around a store, turns around and realizes that their family is no where in sight. Luna was all alone.

He would call into the night looking for his family. When no one answered his calls, he did the next best thing. He made friends. But not just any friends. Human friends. Luna hung around the passing boats, looking for attention. Lots of people gave him attention, too. It’s pretty hard to resist playing with an orca whale.

The Fisheries and Oceans Department was upset about Luna hanging around boats and people. It was dangerous for both sides involved. I don’t know about you, but I would’ve risked getting arrested and dove in the frigid water to play with Luna. Way too tempting!

Luna was teaching people that orcas were not killers by heart. He helped people recognize that whales needed interaction–he was lonely, he wanted to play and have fun! One lady in the film said that Luna would look you right in the eye as if he was saying, “I see you.”

The story of Luna is awesome. I’m jealous that I wasn’t living here during Luna’s reign. I would fully suggest looking up this movie and giving it a watch. Even if it’s only to hear Ryan Reynolds tell you a story.

Preppy: A Lifestyle Part 1

When thinking about the word “prep” a number of things can come to mind. Nice clothes, country clubs memberships. yachts, ski vacations, madris and seersucker, ivy league schools, etc. But it’s so much more than that! Take it from me, someone who has fooled hundreds of my pupils into thinking I’m pretty preppy by taking shortcuts, pretending I have good taste, and acting exclusive. Can one act exclusive? I guess it’s just a nice way of saying that instead of acting like I hated everyone, I just acted like I was above them. Was I snotty? Yes. Am I still? Don’t answer that.

Here to relieve you of all your questions about preppy-ism, I have “The Official Preppy Handbook” as a guide. I obtained the 1980 edition, so maybe some things have changed since then, but I’m pretty sure being preppy is all about tradition. So this is as vintage as I could get. I’m almost certain there’s an earlier version that Ralph Lauren keeps in the back of his closet and prays to every night.

Invest in Ralph for true prep attire.

Let’s start with The Rights of Birthright: The Family. Everything starts here. For most of us it never actually starts because our families are poor and retarded. None of our parents went to great schools, and their parents went to even worse schools. Something interesting about preppy families is that everyone has their official familial title. For example, I would be Aunt Lily if my brother had a child. Or if we were talking about my mom’s sister’s child, I would refer to her as Cousin Buffy (I don’t have a cousin Buffy. That would be ultra-creep). My mom always did this. She would call people Cousin so-and-so, or Uncle this-and-that. Can’t you just call them by their name? Speaking of names, if you want to guarantee that your child is a preppy, name them a name that you would only call a pet. Biffy, Kitty, Teeny, Duke, Muffy, Barbie, Bitsy, Bunny, Corky, Rocky, Chip, Kip, Trip, Skip. Basically, any name that shouldn’t be a name.

Of Mahogany and Macrame. If You had the following items in your house growing up, you were probably raised to be a preppy: Upholstered pieces covered with flowered chintz, many small and worn oriental rugs, prints of dogs, ducks, horses, boats or birds, antiques bought at an auction, museum documented eighteenth century wallpaper, lots of old table lamps, mahogany and brass, pastel sketches of the children, portraits of ancestors, fireplace equipment, ship models and nautical memorabilia, Georgian paneling, dishes of beach glass.

If you had any of these items, your family was the opposite of preppy: vinyl protectors, wall-to-wall rugs, abstract art, Louis-the-anything furniture, flocked wallpaper, indirect, spot or track lighting, chrome and glass, macrame, Hummel figurines, dirt, Masonite paneling, dishes of candy. I’m so sorry if this was your life. I’m crying a single tear for you as I type.

If you want to make your house preppy and you don’t have the money or good taste, just remember that nothing should look like you tried hard, yet everything should flow. Always go with a beach or cottage theme (those are safest and easiest) or Shabby Chic. Throw some Town & Country magazines around and call it a day. You’re welcome.

Keepers of the Flame: Status Quo Institutions. If your parents didn’t force you into any sport or activity, count your blessings. Being lazy is the best, am I right?! But for prep standards, it’s the mark of the devil. Preppy activities include: piano lessons (or any classical instrument), ballet, horse riding, French lessons, tennis (think country club sports), golf, sailing, etc. Summer camp can also be considered a preppy activity. I went to an all-girls camp, which basically means that it wasn’t any fun. I joined swim team (semi-preppy?) and sang in choir. I had people fooled into thinking I liked doing things.

Couldn’t you picture them on a rowing team?

Regulating the Cash Flow: Well-to-Do’s and Don’ts.

1. Your money is handled by a trustee until you reach your twenties. That always seems like an appropriate age to give your children all of their money. The age where they make even worse decisions than when they were in high school. It’s imperative that you make your trustee think that you’re a capable human being. Agree to everything he says and make sure he pays if he takes you out to lunch so he knows that you can handle your money well. These are all tricks of the trade, my friends.

2. Give to charities that will list your name as a sponsor.

3. Spend money on important things, but use thrift for insignificant items. It’s a fine balance.

4. Be slightly careless with your money. “Forget how much cash you have with you, for instance–it helps give the impression that you don’t think too much about money.”

5. Never carry cash. “Borrow or charge.” Borrow? Wouldn’t borrowing make you seem super poor? I wouldn’t suggest borrowing. Being in debt of others is uncomfortable, and frankly, gross.

6. Never replace anything until you’ve exhausted all possibility of  repair, restoration, or rehabilitation.

7. Pick up small tabs. People will remember your generosity, but not the amount. Allow them to pick up the lavish dinners and what not.

8. Don’t say wealthy. Say rich.

A Preppy Value System:

Consistency

Nonchalance

Charm

Drinking

Effortlessness

Athleticism

Discipline

Public Spiritedness

So spirited!

Lake Houses

I’m not talking about the bad movie with Keanu Reeves. I actually never saw the movie Lake House, but I just know it’s bad because Keanu Reeves is in it. The one thing that I’ve always wanted in life was a lake house. I don’t even like swimming in lakes that much. I just like the idea of them I guess.

My grandpa had a lake house when I was younger. Actually, he had a few different ones. Most of them were on Candlewood Lake in Connecticut. For maybe 4  summers of my youth we drove to these lake houses and just chilled with my family. Being right on the lake is the best. One of his houses had a docked slide in the middle of the water that my brother, my uncle, and I liked to go on. I think my cousin did too, but she was younger so I’m not sure about that one. Anyway, I remembering having to fill up this milk jug with lake water and pouring it down the slide in order to make it slippery. Even back then I knew this system was archaic.

I also liked going tubing. I can’t water ski. Well, maybe I can. I’ve never tried. Paul and his bro were like pro water skiers when they were younger. Well, pro Canadian water skiers. So I guess they were just regular? (JK GUYS) I can’t help but to be afraid that a shark is going to eat me whilst I’m tubing. Especially when I’m stopped in the middle of the lake. I know sharks don’t reside in lakes. I’ve seen every shark movie wayyy to many times to think that I’m ever safe in a body of water. Even in pools you have to keep a look out. I’m just sayin’.

Paul has had a lake house for most of his life. I can’t help being jealous of this. It must have been so much fun to have an alternate house to go to for the entire summer. I guess what I like most about lake houses is the simplicity of everything. You don’t need a lot of stuff to have fun at a lake house. You just need a lake and a barbeque.

I think going to my grandpa’s lake house gave me a sense of having a big family. There was always someone to hang out with or talk to. My family isn’t particularly big. I have one sibling. And 3 cousins. I’ve met two of those cousins only once in my life. But they live in Minnesota. So it’s really their fault for living in such an undesirable place.

A lot of things have changed since those lake house days. Some of my family members don’t talk to each other, that uncle isn’t my uncle any more, and there’s no longer a lake house to go to. But now that we live about 45 minutes from my husband’s lake house, I feel like I can make new lake house memories. Plus, that might be the only place I can get a decent tan here, so I really don’t have a choice.