Exercise

TRX More Like TR Death

It’s hard to explain why I put myself into these situations. My friends asked me to workout, I agreed and before I knew it I was in a ball on the floor crying into a floor mat. Okay, that’s not true. There weren’t any mats around.

TRX is a fairly new type of workout. I’m sure pros would tell you that it’s been around for hundreds of years, like yoga or something. I can totally imagine Gandhi doing TRX.

Basically, what you do is use these long resistance straps that are attached to the ceiling, to help you workout your entire body. It’s an extremely good workout, but it has an extremely painful aftermath. And duringmath as well.

Look at that guy on the far left. Who does he think he is? Only Gandhi is allowed to do that move.

Every TRX teacher that I’ve come across (2 teachers total), have 0% fat on their bodies. It’s frightening. But at least you know that TRX gets results, right? I would try to keep up with the instructors (and the rest of the class), but it was close to impossible for me. I preferred any and all poses that had to do with laying down on the floor. Those are usually towards the end, unfortunately. And once you get up from the floor, your legs want to fall off. Truthfully, I just want to put my feet in the handles and use the bands as a rope swing. How fun would that class be?

It’s weird though, because after my first class I was super sore for the first two days and then on the third day I took another class. Trust me, it wasn’t my idea. But now this morning, I’m not half as sore as I was the first day I did it. So what’s the dealio? Am I getting used to constantly being in pain? Was it like some hair of the dog thing where the only cure to my pain was more pain? Are the teachers wizards?

I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’ll never be able to do this pose. Ever ever ever. When my teacher did that, I just looked at her and said, “Yeah, no I’m not doing that.”

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Exercise

The Biggest Loser

There is nothing I love more than watching morbidly obese people exercise and get yelled at. I didn’t realize that I liked this so much until I started watching The Biggest Loser.

What I like about the show even more than watching the contestants battle to lose the most weight, are the coaches, Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels. Jillian isn’t actually on the show anymore. RIP Jillian. I mean, she didn’t technically die, but she’s dead to me now that she quit the show. She was my favorite coach because she would literally scream at the people on her team. She would make them cry. I have purchased all of her workout dvds in hopes that she would help me cry my way into weight loss. But nope. Her wizardry didn’t work on me. I must be too tough. Maybe I should join the army?

I'm going to army, mother.

The other coach, aka the love of my life, is Bob. His workout dvd’s actually made me sore. Hard core workout. But he used respect and kind words. Love conquers all, guys.

This season is really dramatic. There’s this ultimate biatch named Conda (I know) and she bothers me so much because she’s the biggest complainer of all time. And then she’ll act like she’s the best team member. She pisses me off a lot because she’s a loud and angry all the time. I hate that. That’s the exact reason why I’ll never live in New York. Isn’t everyone loud and angry there? She should just be grateful that she’s on the show. Hell, I want to be on the show. But even at my highest weight they wouldn’t accept me. So shut up CONDA.

I’ll just continue to sit on my couch and talk at the TV while stuffing my face with chips. I’ve actually thought about gaining an immense amount of weight just so I could go on the show and transform my body. Such a normal thought process.

This could be my future.

 

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