Doorknobs are Out

I haven’t blogged about how ridic Canada is for a long time. Which is kind of ridic of myself since my blog is called Lily in Canada. So misleading. I should just rename my blog Lily in Lush and get it over with. However, I finally have some great Canadian news.

Recently, Vancouver has made the executive decision to rid their city of doorknobs, taking into consideration those who are unable to…use doorknobs? When my husband alerted me of this news, I was curious as to why the city would make such an unnecessary choice. I mean, doorknobs are something that we’ve perhaps taken for granted, but I can’t see them offending anyone. He literally said, “They’re doing it for people who don’t have hands.”

Best visual ever. I immediately pictured groups of people who happened to have both hands severed at the wrists. I understand loosing one hand, but loosing two seems unlikely. The Vancouver Sun claims that they’re replacing the knobs with lever handles to make it easier for seniors and people with disabilities. Canadians are always being so damn thoughtful. In the states we would just say “Oh, you can’t open doors? Well that’ll teach you to not have hands.”alice-with-doorknob-3

Lever handles make it a little easier for the hand-less folk, but not by much. I propose that Vancouver changes all of their doors to saloon-style or just get rid of doors entirely. Life would be way easier if everyone could just stroll through open holes in the wall. It might bring up a problem with theft, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Saloon doors would make everyone feel like a star when they enter a room. How could you not have fun with those? You could also pretend to hold one open for a frienemy and then let it accidentally swing back and hit them in the face. Not sure why this plan hasn’t been carried out considering it’s almost the year 2014 and we’re still using archaic doorknobs.