October

Welp, it’s here. My birthday month. I’m aware that everyone thinks their own birthday month is the best, and that’s cute. But they’re wrong. Except for people born in October. They know what’s up.

The thing I don’t like about October though, is that other things occur during the month that have nothing to do with my birth. This makes it hard to appreciate “The Perfect Month” as I’ve deemed it. One of the reason I refer to it as “the perfect month” is because it’s not too long after summer and not too far away from Christmas. It’s right in the middle of loveliness.

How I feel once it’s October.

One occasion that I’ve had to share with my birthday month is Halloween. This holiday has haunted me (get it?!) since I was born. The idea of me having to share my birth month with a holiday where I’m required to dress in costume is just way too much for me to handle. I mean, it could be worse. I could have a December birthday. All you December babies got gypped! Halloween is fun and everything, but there’s always so much hype and so little pay-off. Also, my birthday month is associated with the color orange which is just cruel and unfair.

Another recent thing that has taken over the entirety of my birthday month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Honestly, why can’t everyone just be aware of my birthday? Lily’s Birthday Awareness Month. I’m all for people being aware of breast cancer, but can’t we just figure out that it’s around instead of dedicating a whole month to it and ruining the color pink for everyone? I’m not trying to offend anyone with breast cancer or anyone that knows someone who died of breast cancer (because I know that’s what everyone thinks and everyone likes to get mad at me, yeah yeah yeah) I just don’t understand why we need a month for it. Same with Black History Month. Can’t we as a society acknowledge that black men and women are a strong part of our history as a nation? Are we supposed to forget about their history after February? Are we supposed to ignore breast cancer after October? Why do we have awareness months at all? Can’t we all just be freely aware? DON’T FORCE ME TO BE AWARE, WORLD.

After moving to Canada I’ve also had to share fake Thanksgiving with my birthday month. Canadian Thanksgiving is in early October which is dangerously close to the date of my birth. In fact, this year it’s a mere 3 days after my big day. Way too close for comfort. How about Canada just realizes that the only thing they need to be thankful for is me living in their country and dedicate this holiday to moi? Just throwing ideas around.

This October, instead of worrying about other traditions and holidays, I ask you to think about my birthday and how great I am. It’s been a quarter of a century since I’ve been on this earth and I think I deserve some respect.

Christmas Magic

He's judging you.

In honor of the first day of December, I’ve decided to tell you about MagicSanta.ca. All Canadian websites end in “.ca” which is so confusing. Can’t everything just be .com? I saw a commercial (the only way I find out about anything) for Magic Santa and was immediately intrigued.

Basically, what you do is fill out the information for yourself or a child and then Santa will talk to you on the computer as if he knows you. I like to still think Santa is real, so this website is a  confirmation of his existence (you just have to remind him of your name, where you live, and what you want for Christmas).

Unfortunately, there are only so many names to choose from. Oddly enough mine is on there, but common names like Lisa, for example, are not. You will just have to settle for Lisa-Marie. Because that’s clearly a top 20 name.

Santa will also tell you if you were naughty or nice (I always choose nice…nothing is more scary than an angry Santa!). Then he will tell you what he’s going to get you for Christmas. The first time I did it (yes, I’ve done this more than once) I chose a massage and the second time I picked a castle. Those seem like quality gifts.

Lastly, Santa tells you what you should work on in the new year. I have chosen to “improve my self-esteem” because I didn’t see a “continue to be better than everyone” choice. It kind of ends in a mini New Year’s resolution. Speaking of which, how bad does the movie New Year’s Eve look? Ughhhh.

So if you guys are looking for some holiday magic, go to MagicSanta.ca. Go multiple times if you really want a healthy relationship with Santa. Or don’t. Just don’t expect any presents this year.