My Favorite Movie Kids

I would’ve posted this piece to my other blog Kidz Showz, but it didn’t seem appropriate. Especially since some of the “kids” might be 20 and others might be from R-rated movies. Kidz Showz is a pure blog and I don’t want to be the one who tarnishes it. Although, it’s tarnished in many, many other ways.

The following names are some of my favorite weird kids from movies (not TV!):

Clifford from the movie Clifford. I don’t care who judges me, I think Martin Short plays a pretty funny adolescent. I always liked Clifford because he behaved sweetly in front of adults, but tormented his Uncle Martin to no end. Clifford is the definition of passive-aggressive, which is hilarious if you don’t have to deal with that kind of behavior in real life. He also has a green dinosaur toy named Stephen as his companion throughout the movie.

Dawn Wiener from the movie Welcome to the Doll House. Perhaps one of the most tragic souls of all is Dawn Wiener aka Wienerdog. The kids at school torment her to no end, calling her “lesbo” and “dog face”, which prove to supply her with names to call her little sister. She has a crush on one of the members of her older brother’s band, has the saddest fashion sense of all time, and cuts the heads of off her sister’s barbie dolls. She’s basically my idol.

Harold from the movie Harold and Maude. Harold isn’t technically a kid, but he’s a great character. And he’s also pretty young compared to his movie counterpart Maude. Harold is a privileged only child who enjoys cemeteries, funerals, and faking his own suicide. His life is revolved around death until he meets Maude, lover of life. Maude teaches Harold how to be carefree and happy. They save trees, walk through fields of daisies, and sing together.

Marcus Brewer from the movie About A Boy. Marcus is the definition of odd-ball but only because his vegan mother raised him that way. He sports a bowl-cut, sings with his eyes closed, and tries to find happiness in his life even though his mother recently attempted suicide. Luckily he meets Will, an adult with no responsibilities, living the easy life. Hesitant at first, Will spends time with Marcus and gets to know the cool kid that’s deep inside him.

Matilda from the movie Matilda. It was between Matilda and Sara from The Little Princess. But Sara was too normal. Matilda was abnormal in that she had special powers that helped her survive her crappy school and even crappier family. But much like Sara, Matilda was sugary sweet and a bit daring. In this Roald Dahl classic, Matilda’s world is filled with people who are self-centered (her parents, her principal…almost all the adults in the movie) until she meets her teacher Miss Honey. This semi-dark children’s story taught me that if you’re blessed with magic powers, everything will eventually turn out fine.

Who are some of your favorite movie kids?

Dress to Impress

I’m at the age where my friends are starting to have babies. My facebook is filled with pictures of babies. Cute babies. And extremely well-dressed babies. I often think back to when we 80’s babies were born. Let’s be real, we looked gross. Back then there wasn’t a style for kid’s clothing. It was just whatever was laying around. In these very modern times kids are now dressing better than adults. But I’ll tell you what–my kid is gonna look like crap, and they’re gonna like it.

All this fuss over kids looking perfect started to grow with the children of Hollywood. We pay more attention to them than the people in our families (at least I do). We are constantly studying what actors and actresses are wearing and what their kids look like. But hey, it’s fun to judge other people! Take it from little Suri Cruise, daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, one of the best fashion critics around. (I hope none of you think I’m actually referring to the real Suri Cruise because I don’t think she can spell her name yet, never mind judge people.)

Victoria Beckham’s son, Romeo, has been selected as the new face for Burberry. Don’t get me wrong, he can work a trench, but I feel like this is setting an unrealistic standard for other kids. How can they live up to a kid who was made with a gene pool built for gods and goddesses?

It seems that almost every designer brand now has a children’s line or a baby line. It’s frivolous and unnecessary because kids, especially babies, grow out of their clothes so quickly. Why bother? I won’t lie, seeing children dressed nicely for special occasions is sweet, but seeing them dolled up all the time makes me wonder what kind of perfect facade parents want to shelter their children under.

One of the best parts about being a kid is figuring out how to dress yourself and doing an absolutely terrible job at it. I remember getting a crocheted top that was meant to go over a tank top for Christmas one year when I was around 8 years old. I went to try it on upstairs and came down with no shirt underneath. You could clearly see my prepubescent nipples.

There was also nothing better than finding a staple outfit. And by staple outfit, I mean one that you can wear literally every day. I found my perfect outfit at Old Navy when I was 9. It was a denim dress with snap buttons going up the middle. I thought I looked like a classy broad in that dress. It was so comfortable and easy to throw on.

I had the same fashion sense as Dawn Wiener.

Also, if kids always look cute, they’ll never be embarrassed by old photos and videos which will cause their egos to inflate and we’ll have ourselves a world of narcissists. You see, there’s only room for one narcissist in this world and that’s me.