Beauty

Teeth Whitening

The one thing about being Freshly Pressed that worries me is that everyone is probably expecting some amazing pieces to come out of this blog. I can assure you, there won’t be. I can also assure you that I’ll be mentioning that I was Freshly Pressed in every piece that I write from here on out.

I don’t actually want to write about teeth whitening per se, but I would love to analyze this commercial about Crest 3D White 2 Hour Express Strips:

Okay let’s start with the opening. This brunette’s friends tell her that she’s going to Vegas with them in two hours. They don’t even ask her what she’s doing or if she’s busy or anything. They just assume that her world revolves around them. Which is clearly the case because she ends up going. Couldn’t they have planned their trip a little in advance? They probably don’t have a hotel or anything which is super chaotic. And one of her friends is at the mall and the other is casually reading a magazine. Shouldn’t they be packing?! And can’t they have a conversation instead of small doses of words–“Road trip” “Vegas!” Vegas?” Maybe they have tourettes but they only shout out really fun things to do.

The most disturbing part of this whole commercial is that the main gal immediately thinks about her teeth. Not about what to pack or if she has anything to do the next day, but if she has enough time to whiten her teeth. Her teeth are already 5 shades whiter than most people’s so maybe she has a teeth whitening addiction.

One would assume that in the two hours before she left she whitened her teeth so why would she bring the white strips in her bag and pass them to her friend during their road trip? Like, what was the conversation leading up to that point? “Here I think you need these. Your teeth are only 2D.”

Then, the gang gets to Vegas and the lead brunette bumps into this guy who just starts up a conversation. Why would he ask where they’re headed? Why does he even care? Did he come to Vegas all alone? Who does that? And then when she responds she doesn’t even look at him! She literally walks away from him as she responds. I thought she wanted to show off her smile!

And shouldn’t they all have wind blown hair after driving for hours in a convertible? So many flaws.

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canada, Judging

My ears are bleeding

Just like anywhere else in the world, Canadians have their own distinct accent. There are a select few words that are pronounced so strangely (and obviously wrong) that it distresses me when they are brought up in conversation. For example:

Pasta would be pronounced “past-uh”

Tomorrow = “to-moor-oh”

Produce = “prah-duce”

Out = “oooooot”

Bagel = “bag L”

Process = “pro-cess”

Been = “bean”

Against = “a-gain-st”

And don’t even get me started on the word sorry.

The only way I can make sense of it is that the Canadian accent is some bizarre fusion of the British accent and the American dialect. It shouldn’t be legal.

I see this commercial once every 5 seconds at home and there is a pretty good example of the word “tomorrow” in it. Wait for the very end though. The company is called Lavalife. And instead of saying lava like a normal person, they…well, you’ll just have to watch.

Seriously though. WHAT IS LAH-VUH.

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