Holidays, Vacation

Waking Up in Vegas

I never thought I’d use a Katy Perry song as my title, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. Just be relieved that I didn’t use “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it.”

This year my husband and I spent our Christmas in Vegas by ourselves which turned out to be a fun little getaway and something very different compared to my past Christmases. Celebrating the holiday in Las Vegas is not for the faint of heart. But it is a great time to go because the weather is nice and the crowds have died down.las-vegas-strip

I find that I always have a running commentary whenever I’m at a public attraction. There’s so much to see, so many people to judge, and a lot of things to laugh at. The following is a list of some of my brain’s dumb thought process while on vacation:

Everyone here is on crazy pills. 

Why are people gambling at 8am? Why are they drinking at 8am? 

A hustler tried to sell me his rap album and refered to me as Taylor Swift. Then he asked for my autograph and I told my husband to give him some money ($3) for his “album.” I got a talking to about interacting with strange men on the strip. Tee hee.

Mmm what smells so good?

So much foooood. Buffet dreamland.

What is the point of see through pants? 

I think my legs are going to fall off…omg what is that? SO SPARKLY!

I hate slow walkers.

That cab driver is my new best friend.

Ahhh spa time.

Ahh jacuzzi time.

Ahh nap time.

Where am I? Who am I?

Elvis impersonator informs me that it’s “illegal to be that cute.” Umm alright. Why do I attract freaks?!

Did Wolf of Wall Street really need to be 3 hours long? Don’t get me wrong, I love Leo, but like, this was so unnecessary. 

While eating the thinnest pizza ever I determine that this is what heaven tastes like.

Merry Christmas, homeless man!

While eating the most sugary milkshake ever, I decide that this is what hell tastes like and throw up in the bathroom like a real lady. Was there butter in that shake?!

Merry Christmas, crack addict!

Do people actually like Celine Dion this much?

She has her own gift shop?

Got tickets to Cirque du Soleil’s Beatles Love show and it was literally the I had this creepy smile on my face the entire time. It was gross.

Merry Christmas, Chinese man who’s been playing the slot machines since midnight yesterday!

“The Desert Inn Has Heart, The Desert Inn Has Heart…”

Why is there a five mile line up at Starbucks?

I want to punch that cab driver in the face.

Goodbye Vegas, thanks for the mems!

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? What did you think?