Girl Guides

Okay so I guess it’s Girl Guide cookie season in my neck of Canada right now. It’s fine if you didn’t understand anything I said in that sentence because I’ll explain. In Canada they wrongly refer to Girl Scouts as Girl Guides. Like, who do they guide? They’re 9 years old. You can scout when you’re 9. But you can’t guide people because most people are smarter and have more life experience than you. So Canada, you’re wrong again. Sars (sorry). But seriously everyone in Canada might have Sars. Even if they don’t, lets start the rumor.

I was eating the Girl Guide cookies that my husband bought us me and thinking about writing a piece about this┬áheinous┬átopic. But then I thought that I wouldn’t have enough to write about. BUT THENNN I remembered that I’m nothing short of genius and can write about even the most trivial of subjects.

Literally the only two types of  cookies the Girl Guides have to offer.

Shouldn’t these gals, sorry guides, be selling their cookies in the fall? Isn’t that when kids sell their cookies? I might be wrong but I thought that Girl Scout time coincided with the start of the school year. I mean, I was only in Brownies (for maybe a year?) but I don’t remember selling cookies in the Spring. Or ever.

Perhaps the most shameful thing about Girl Guide cookies is that they only have two different flavors. Like, we have 11 flavors in the good old US of A. Some people would argue that’s because we’re fatties. Which is true. Other people might point out that our country spends too much money on stupid things. Also true. But they’re probably just jealous because we have spending money from our good friend China.

At least in the states we give our Girl Scout cookies charming names like Do-si-dos (a cute nod to the square-dancing patch), Caramel deLites, Savannah Smiles, etc. Still living the American Dream obviously. The Girl Guide cookies don’t have names and are described as “chocolate cookies and vanilla creme cookies.” Ummmm wait what? Do you have no pride? girl-scout-cookies

Girl Guides even have a similar cookie to the Thin Mint. Their version is called “chocolatey mint cookie” and I really wish I was joking, but I’m afraid thems the facts.

Can we just have a moment of silence for Canada’s Girl Guides and their lack of cookie names and flavors? Don’t get me wrong though, I will still eat any cookies that anyone buys for me.